Prodigals and Sinners Welcomed

3 Sep

I have tasted the harshness of a heart not trusting God – a heart that looked at my circumstances or what had been done, I have defended myself – I have fought for myself- I have pushed myself- I have grabbed hold -I have withdrawn and I have worn Gods shoes -all instead of trusting in him- y’all Its what I did my whole life.

Oh but I have also tasted the sweet rewards of letting all that go and looking to, focusing on – and trusting in my God. Trusting him with my life- my circumstances-with other people- with My purpose.
I much prefer this place of supernatural peace.
And guys- it’s not a one and done- it’s a constant shaking off the doubts and fears -redirecting my focus- my heart- choosing him over and over and over. It’s crazy how much He shows off in that space!

He really does have the best for us. He really is enough. He really does fight our battles ( when we don’t get our hands mixed up in the mess). He really does have a perfect plan for our lives.
We hold so much power when we know this and pray from this place. It’s astounding how quickly he can turn something around.

When I’m sitting here reading his word, writing hope filled words. It’s secondary. My obedience comes from this joyful place of letting go… it’s not about me at all- it isn’t the action of my being good or doing good, (all great things) it’s my heart that matters – my longing for closeness, the hunger for Him, more understanding of who He is and the result from that communion with Him is a different bigger peace and joy of fully trusting in Him.

I can’t do anything without His already being there. I can’t go anywhere or get lost from Him. The freedom I feel in Him…I can’t even make it make sense-

It doesn’t matter what any single person thinks of us, says to us, does to us. It truly truly only matters who God actually is and He knows us -knows every single thought and deed we have done or not done- and every single thing we will think or do in the futures and He still welcomes us at His feet with loving hands touching our unworthy heads. He is still the father who sees us coming even as we are a far way off- waiting and watching for our prodigal hearts that keep leaving him for our own ways.

We choose -to trust him with our whole lives, trust him with our childrens lives, trust him with our every fear, every desire and hard time, every decision. Trust him with those that hurt us, do harm.

With Him- It’s absolutely not about doing the right things, saying the right things, being with the right people, reading the right scriptures, doing the right studies. You can have the entire Bible memorized and still not be known by Him.
It’s about trust. Faith is about trust. That is the foundation of everything. And you can’t trust what you don’t have a relationship with.

This is how I know my God loves every single human heart. He loves the sinner that is me. Immensely. And -his nature is not mine- His love welcomes every sinner that wants to know Him. Every sin, every sinner- is welcomed- each heartbeat wanted, created and loved by my God.

Just very grateful for that. Amen.

Wounded Hearts

10 Jul

Wounds from those we love, invest in, share secrets with, become vulnerable with, can hurt so much- more than anything an enemy could ever do.

It’s the kind of pain that cuts so deep.

Truth: We have all been the sower of pain and the receiver-knowingly or unknowingly- at some point in our lives.

Rejection is inevitable in life- but the beautiful fullness of truth in that – truth that can and should bring us great hope -Jesus was abandoned and rejected, too — even by his closest friends-and He understands the pain of a failed friendship.

My Lord really gets what it’s like when friends hurt us, betray, reject, or abandon us. The grieving we go through, “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3).

Expectations- after becoming saved, I had a higher expectation of the body, the church. At first everything was beautiful- Jesus was beautiful, my friendships were beautiful, my heart was beautiful. Then came the building of foundational truth. I got hurt. It started with one friend. As I struggled with the hurts of Christian’s- my close friends, a husband, a Christian counselor, Bible leaders that were unfriendly,-church members that felt cliquey-I came to realize my own legalistic views. I need to fully understand grace. To really be moved by grace, humbled by it.

Actually, no, I needed to be blown away by it. We cannot give what we don’t fully understand.

These last couple years have been hard on all of us. I have learned so much-especially about truth. He has spent great effort on growing me from what I’ve gone through these past 7 years- betrayals, deep hurts and major losses – for me-they seemed to come too fast and too soon one after another- trial after trial- I finally had to detach to really breathe and get it. It has taken a lot of shaking out of my earthly response to see with His truth response is. -The freedom response. To see Him fully. To learn how to be soft again – in safety -by trusting God, not man. Grieving with Him. Letting Him -His grace-wash over me.

Think about Jesus -who pleaded on our behalf- forgive them Father -they don’t know what they do- even as he was so betrayed by us, even as He felt abandoned by God, His father! “My God, my God…Why have you forsaken me?” That’s powerful love!

Y’all- I have never once felt rejection from Him . I’ve worried about it , felt legalistic and unworthy for sure at times, but never felt abandoned by God. Jesus can literally teach us everything we need to know -about everything we go through – including friendship and rejection.

Y’all- When rejection stings- He totally gets it! He walked it, He wipes our tears, catches each one in a jar. He remains. He never fails us. He reminds us that He doesn’t shame, condemn, reject or abandon us. He always receives our repentance-always gives us grace, love, builds us back up. He doesn’t remember our failings or mistakes any longer. He is trustworthy- and tells us to give grace and love and mercy -because none of us are trustworthy. That’s the truth.

How good is He? Oh my! It’s everything!

Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).

In The Waiting

16 Apr

You pursued me until I eventually reached the end of me and finally, because I had no where else to go and nothing left to grasp – I accepted your hand. Not because I fully understood, rather because I was desperate.

You have not stopped working out my salvation within my sinful heart since that day. You have built me up, you have humbled me. You sanctify me. You’ve loved my ungrateful heart, forgiven me, helped me and taught me to forgive. You bore my sins when you died for me so that my future would be with you-Not because I deserved it, but because you are the perfect love. You have never left me nor forsaken me.
You teach me, correct me, guide me, keep me safe, you have shown off for me, answered my prayers.
You are wise, you are the most holy, most loving, most giving heartbeat that has ever graced this earth. The perfect lamb, sacrificed and who’s blood covers me. I’m so not worthy of you Lord, but you chose me anyways. You are amazing- you chose your friends knowing they would betray you. You crossed seas for those that would kill you. You chose the crowds that mocked you and hated you.
Teach me to be that unselfish. Teach me to live and love like that.

You taught me with your life and your death- in deeds and words- in scripture after scripture that love is everything. You said –

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:35-40

It so completely humbles me. You humble me Lord. Holy holy holy, Lord God almighty. In the waiting room I will not be shaken. I will not be discouraged. I will not wallow nor wither. In the waiting I will praise you and look forward to seeing you.

I love you Jesus. Thank you

The Love We First Had

2 Sep

Paul wasn’t asking in prayer that the Ephesian believers would receive their abundant inheritance of spiritual riches, blessings, power, and authority, but that they would realize it was theirs. As Christians, they already possessed these things, just as we do. But until they realized it, what good could it accomplish?

Reread Ephesians. Read it in entirety.
We received our blessings when we believed. It’s not about “waiting”to receive them but actually walking in them. Because you’ve already received them.

When we know who Christ is, what his life and death were about, when we claim him and are in Christ, when we know Him and what that means for our lives, we know we have received everything we need. We know that none of that is meant for us alone. It is meant to bless others.
We receive gifts meant to minister, everything we’ve received is a blessing of hope, salvation a future. – we receive protection from every attack, we wear the armor of God. At all times, we don’t take it off.

Our blessings are all tied up in our salvation. It’s freedom. But freedom means we also have to be submitted to Him. Not self seeking. Dependent upon Him for everything, and as He has shown us, in so many ways, He has not let us down. He is faithful. Even when we mess up.

Even when we have chosen for ourself instead of waiting on and trusting God. He has made beauty from those ashes.

God is enough, in case you haven’t grasped that yet. In case you haven’t put on your blessings that you were given when you believed.

As young in faith we made choices that were driven by fear and control because we didn’t know the power that God gives us. We were the wishy washy young believer. Now we are mature. Now we lead others- now more is expected of a leader. Righteousness- understanding of truth. Obviously we still get it wrong and still mess up but we confess and turn back and use those lessons to teach others.

It’s all in that beautiful book he gives us on how to truly be happiest.

Slipping away – so many making idols out of love or politics or lives not fixed on Him- we hear it in our words, we see it in our posts, We choose where our minds are fixed upon. I hear Gods voice steady as rain- Holy Spirit is not at rest in you. Divided within.

I pray for clarity, truth and the love you first had. I pray for my family of believers as this world clamors to lie to you, to distract you. Steady your eyes, fix your thoughts and stay plugged in to the only truth there really is. Amen

The book of Ephesians and Revelation 2:1

2Corinthians 10, 1Corinthians 12,

Scripture notes

30 Aug

“I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable. The priests did not ask, ‘Where is the Lord?’ Those who deal with the law did not know me; the leaders rebelled against me. The prophets prophesied by Baal, following worthless idols. “Therefore I bring charges against you again,” declares the Lord. “And I will bring charges against your children’s children. Cross over to the coasts of Cyprus and look, send to Kedar and observe closely; see if there has ever been anything like this: Has a nation ever changed its gods? (Yet they are not gods at all.) But my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
— ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭2:7-13‬‬

“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.”
— ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:6-7‬‬

““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
— ‭‭John‬ ‭15:5‬‬

“God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you.’ ””
— ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭3:14‬‬

“if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
— ‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭7:14‬‬

“He brought you” “But you came and defied my land” And “Made my inheritance detestable.”
1: We no longer saw our need for Him
2: We put our faith and other things(built our own Wells to drink from
3:We change the gods! We worship money, family, kids, success, popularity, social media, our own bodies, our luxe our weight our friends, approval, politics, Trump, he became a big idol.
4:My people, not the world, but his people his chosen people losing their given inheritance of glory for the glory that the world gives. Same as everybody else. No longer set apart. The heavens shutter with horror.

His people- set apart- called by His name!
His name is many !!!
Elohim GOD
Jehovah – Rapha
Jehovah -shalom-The Lord my peace
Jehovah -ra-ha The Lord my Shepherd

Lord! on behalf of your people here and on distant lands, I stand before you wreaked with grief as your arrival nears. So many lost needing to hear of you- to hear the words of our testimony – to be pulled from the gallows Lord- so many of your sheep are falling down the slope of this fallen world – losing their adoration and worship of you- they are called to be lights- not to be adored!! Not to be pampered. Not to be put on a pedestal- not to be “patriots” they are worshipping wrong idols.
Lord I beg forgiveness on their behalf on my own behalf in all the ways I don’t keep you glorified! Holy God hear my cry from bender knees -Amen

“Listen to the word of the Lord, people of Jacob—all you families of Israel! This is what the Lord says: “What did your ancestors find wrong with me that led them to stray so far from me? They worshiped worthless idols, only to become worthless themselves. They did not ask, ‘Where is the Lord who brought us safely out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness— a land of deserts and pits, a land of drought and death, where no one lives or even travels?’ “And when I brought you into a fruitful land to enjoy its bounty and goodness, you defiled my land and corrupted the possession I had promised you. The priests did not ask, ‘Where is the Lord?’ Those who taught my word ignored me, the rulers turned against me, and the prophets spoke in the name of Baal, wasting their time on worthless idols. Therefore, I will bring my case against you,” says the Lord. “I will even bring charges against your children’s children in the years to come. “Go west and look in the land of Cyprus; go east and search through the land of Kedar. Has anyone ever heard of anything as strange as this? Has any nation ever traded its gods for new ones, even though they are not gods at all? Yet my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols! The heavens are shocked at such a thing and shrink back in horror and dismay,” says the Lord. “For my people have done two evil things: They have abandoned me— the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭2:4-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬


15 Aug

I have been thinking about conflict and drama; How we create it, how we avoid it, how we perpetuate it.

I think first and foremost we have to be honest with ourselves and own that we all have perpetuated drama. I have caused drama and hurt feelings, I have been on the receiving end of offense and drama and I have helped others back to truth in the midst of drama. There is enough of it out in the world right now, I think as Christians, we need one another more than ever to be quick to forgive and quick to give grace. You know, the foundation of Christianity in the first place.

The bible is my place of refuge, my tool in how to live a healthy existence. It really is the direction we need to go when injury, conflict or drama is in our pathway. It allows us to get out of our head, away from the lies of “worldly thinking”, back to living a pleasing life to God. Honestly what is pleasing to God is to Love at all times. Even the hard times. To do good to everyone, to bless even our enemies. To walk in truth.

The bible has a LOT to say when it comes to relating with others, from love to conflict and how a Christian should respond and live, and how to do that. How to mend what we mess up, how to help others mend what they mess up.

When someone is offended by us, if we have been hurtful, inadvertently or advertently, perceived or we did something, said something; we must make amends. Romans 13:10 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us how love acts. When we are unloving, we are no longer being imitators of Christ but rather imitators of the world. We will all have our times of weakness, times we are not our best selves. Own it. Apologize. Give it to God and move on.

The same goes for others that do things that offend us, hurt us, or cause drama or conflict. When something happens that makes us feel hurt, annoyed, offended in any way, we should step back, go to our Father with it, go to His word. He says to keep it between the two of you; Matthew 18:15. His word tells us to not discuss it with others, not gossip not slander, not adding fuel, creating a big fire from a spark. Proverbs 26: 20-21.

We are instructed to do our best to get along with everyone. To live in peace. Because at the end of the day, when we are in the Grace of God, He is eternal peace and that is our foundation of truth that we should walk in. We are called to this, by salvation, not to stay stuck in eternal worldly living. He calls us to do better, be better, learn and grow. We are called to seek His ways above our ways in all things at all times. That is the challenge, the blessing and the Glory we give to God for His grace to us. We are not called to be perfect, we are called to want to please Him. To be more like Him, less like this world.

If someone says or does something, we can mimic the world and tell other’s about it, talk about that person instead of talking TO that person. We can cut them off, we can tell them off, we can choose to not forgive them. This then becomes about our own journey, our own ability to receive God’s love and grace, our own battle of pride and humility.

When someone offends us, or if we are offended these are some scriptures to meditate on, to pray on, to dwell on. God is our perfector… He is pretty smart. Learning to be righteous in His hands is a work in progress. Love God, Love ourselves and love everyone. Agape Love… very different from human love.

Job 13:5                                             Proverbs 17:9                    Romans 14:19                   Titus 3:2
Ephesians 4:29-32                          Matthew 7:1,12               Hebrews 12:14                 Ephesians 4:27
2 Thessalonians 3:15                      Proverbs 25:21-22           1 Peter 3:9                         Philippians 2:3
Hebrews 10:24-25                          Proverbs 10:9                    Romans 13:10                   1 Corinthians 10:32
2 Corinthians 12:20                        Romans 12:17                   Ephesians 5:1-2                Colossians 3:13
Luke 17:3                                          Luke 23:34                         Matthew 5:23-26             Romans 5:12
Romans 12:1-2                                Colossians 1:20-22           Matthew 18:15-17           Matthew 6:14


3 Aug

Healing is never finished. I’ve discovered this. There are roots that are so hidden only God knows they are there.
I have battled over the words spoken over me by people,hurts done by those I’ve trusted, betrayals and cruelties by humans that also claimed to love me, lies spoken over me. I have pulled those roots, deep roots…Separating the names and labels I had taken on, believed or fought – the names -calling what God created beautifully- as trash, wrong, expendable, unlovable.

I really believe the journey of our faith walk is undoing all the lies we believed, the wounds and unforgiveness in our souls.

God calls us beloved, masterpiece, jewels, co-heirs, adopted, His. He doesn’t use labels. Good or bad. He doesn’t catagorize us into blanket statements.
He doesn’t see us as female or male, fat or skinny, boss or laborer, rich or poor, Black, Brown, Asian, Hispanic or White. He doesn’t see us as American or foreigner, he doesn’t see us as Republican or Democrat. He doesn’t see us as Gay or straight. To say any creation is less than, not a masterpiece designed by Gods own hands, undeserving of love and freedom- then it’s not truth based on God’s word -then it’s actually a complete lie straight from the pit of hell. God has lovingly knit every single human together, He placed His very own breathe of life into each of us. He sacrificed His own child for us, His child served our sentence – the wage of our sins- so we could be with Him. Reconciled.
Humans can be unmerciful.
Humans can be unkind, cruel even.
Humans can punish in ways that thank God, He doesn’t.
Humans can be arrogant and in need of validation, recognition and attention for their opinions.
God is none of those things.
Jesus walked this earth perfect yet was abused, spit on, called names anyways. Lies are lies, and what others think of us truly is about their own pain and the lies they believe.
You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are a masterpiece. You are created for this lifetime, this journey, you have purpose and you are important! You are gifted for your calling, blessed in that.
If social media went away.
If you only could be your gifts unknown, they would not be any less valuable or important!
We are famous in Gods eyes! We are always on Hos stage- He is always our audience! Even when we forget about Him!
Grab His hand, be brave, be bold and tell the lies and the liars the truth!

Beautiful Woman

28 Jun

Beautiful woman…you worry about how you look outwardly to the world but anyone who knows you can see how your beauty filled heart makes your whole being beautiful.
Beautiful woman…you filter your pictures, but your beauty is in every pixel of perfect and imperfect. Your warm laughing eyes are the window to your soul and your sweet words are the window to your heart.
Beautiful woman…There is not one pound gained or shed or one push up completed or eaten that improves or deters how much you are loved and called by our Heavenly Bridegroom.
Beautiful woman…the shape of you, your height, the color of your skin, hair, and eyes, the way your smile lights up your face, the way your heart aches over things you see and people you love. This is Gods design in you. You are perfectly and wonderfully made.
Beautiful woman… you are called to love God and others but also yourself. Jesus never meant for love to become a doormat for anyone. You are as precious as a ruby bought with a priceless sacrifice. Never mistake forgiveness for allowing abuse, manipulation or betrayal. Never give a boyfriend the rights of a husband. Never settle for less than what the word of God guides and is healthy and good for your walk with the Lord. His plan for your life is perfect. He is enough. Trust Him.

Beautiful woman. You are loved. Every hair on your head is numbered, every inch of your being has the breath of God in it. You don’t have to wonder if you’re enough. You have been chosen, called, pursued and saved by the greatest love of all. Stop measuring from your limited place of here and now and start measuring your worth, your love, your calling and purpose from a heavenly perspective. He numbers your steps, He fights for you, He provides for you, He continues to work on you, He thinks of you more than every grain of sand on earth, He never leaves you, He never lies to you, He never stops hearing you, listening, forgiving, bearing with you as you stumble, helping you back up when you refocus.

Beautiful woman, you are loved. Beyond measure. You are made for Him. Just for Him. Gifted and held. For His Glory! You are made to bring Him Glory!

“Who could ever find a wife like this one — she is a woman of strength and mighty valor! She’s full of wealth and wisdom. The price paid for her was greater than many jewels.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:10‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Gardening 101

27 Jun

As I read my morning scripture (Acts 8) I stopped in my tracks as I read the passage 8:21-24.

Most of my life I had my share of resentment and unforgiveness, I had an anger just below the surface of my loving friendly, fun nature. I was insecure, defensive and self protective. Never truly at ease in my own skin. My divorce found me stripped of every survival technique I had learned in my life. I hit rock bottom and in that found salvation. That was 11 years ago.

God didn’t wait for me to turn from my sins, repent, confess, or change my ways. He met me in the depth of despair and I grabbed hold. He filled me with a lightness of hope, He gave me His Spirit to walk with me, to guide me, to work on me, to teach me. I was not made into a perfect unflawed person, I was made whole by His presence in my heart.

The elation and love I first had was intense, beautiful, and joyful. I walked with a new hope, an unexplainable joy even as I was still mourning. He met me in my sorrow and gave me a new way to look at things. I listened. I learned. I was still me, the imperfect human! But God -He was ever present beside me, and the Holy spirit was ever present within me. He was working out all the details, because I was consumed with His love. Perfect love. I couldn’t get enough of Him and talked about Him all the time.

As my faith was made stronger, I had 3 things happen. I was deeply wounded by a Christian friend. I was betrayed by a Christian man I made a covenant with and loved dearly. I lost trust in God. I felt abandoned, unloved and betrayed by Him. I was so wounded, so angry, so resentful. The seeds of bitterness took root from a lifetime of hurts and scars. They had sprouted into weeds so thick The Holy Spirit could no longer dwell in my weed infested soul. He didn’t leave me, but there was no room for Him.

Nothing, and I mean nothing is out of God’s plans for us. He needs us to work things out. We suffer through those things that are strongholds, and chains. The lies we believe that keep us from His perfect love. His perfect plan for our lives.

As I allowed this deep hurt and self pity to plant seeds of bitterness, I lost my connection to the Holy Spirit. God didn’t leave me nor forsake me, I was just to lost in my unforgiveness to feel the Holy Spirit’s presence and guidance. I lost my first love. Not my head knowledge, my heart. I continued to learn, to seek, to grow, and my head knowledge grew incredibly. I was still in God’s perfect care, but my bitterness was choking out my love. My lovingness.

When my mom passed away, I unplugged in my mourning. I began a journey of facing and plucking each and every root and seed of unforgiveness out. I prayed over and forgave each thing done to me in my lifetime. I began to see God’s protection, love and help in all of the things I suffered as a child, in all the ways I was unprotected by humans, and all the ways the brokenness of humans had hurt me. God showed himself to me. He showed that even when i didn’t choose Him, he was there, in the hurts, in the evil done to me, making me strong enough to survive it. He had a purpose for my life, even what was done to me and my pain was purposeful.

I have come to understand so much, even my own self disappointment. Expectation is a killer. I had expectations that I would be perfect, that my friends weren’t going to wound me, that God was going to make my life pain free, that my marriage would last forever because it was based on Christ. All of it so legalistic, so based on untruth.

Grace found me in the middle of my mess, each mess actually. His mercy saved my wretched soul once and for all time; my bitter, broken, lost soul. He put me back on my feet and loved me to strength. He guided me, He brought me new understanding, then He taught me His word.

My faith grew, my knowledge grew and then I had to walk through the valley of darkness. Each of us will go through that valley to shake out truth. We will, each of us, walk through hard trials, pain, loss, deep wounds but He doesn’t abandon us in it. He is always with us, but it is ours to walk alone. No one can fix it, no one can make it better. He needs us to work out our salvation. Jacob wrestled with God and became a different man able to walk out his destiny. I have wrestled with God, and because of my stubborn independent nature, my rebellious nature, I spent longer than necessary in the weeds. Trust is so hard for me.

As I read the scripture this morning I realized that I have come full circle. I know that there is no one planting seeds of resentment in my soul but me. There is no one planting seeds of fear, unforgiveness, expectations and disappointments but me. It is so true that the tongue shows what is in the heart. I have hurt people I love with a harsh tongue. I have since asked for forgiveness and grace and prayed for those I have hurt that have chosen to not forgive. We really do need to stand in the gap for one another. We really do need to give the gift of Grace we have received. In love.

I have learned a big truth. We can grow in our knowledge and yet lose the love we first had. God doesn’t take away our unforgiveness, God doesn’t “make” us choose obedience. He will let us fall and fail. He will let us get lost in our stumbles and sin. There is a humility that He requires of us. He will let us get to that any way we choose. But! Holy Spirit never leaves us to lose our salvation.

I am not alone in this. I see many walking in quiet ways. Gentle ways. The way we picture a Christian being. But within each soul there is a journey. We all suffer to learn obedience. Jesus did, we will. Our calling is individual. Our trials are individual, uniquely personal. It is not my job to fix this world! It is my job to make room for the Holy Spirit within my own heart so I can be free, so I can be faithful with all He gives me and asks of me, so I can walk in my purpose! So other’s can be touched by that. So other’s can find their way to a personal relationship.

A never ending journey. My favorite part is my revelations. When He reveals sin in me, when He reveals wicked ways or ways that do not serve Him, I gain freedom. I gain joy. Conviction is freedom if we allow it. Sweet cleansing of our garden.

“Holy Spirit, you are welcome here, come flood this space and fill the atmosphere with your presence Lord”

“You have no part or share in this matter, because your heart (motive, purpose) is not right before God. So repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, this thought of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see that you are provoked by bitterness and bound by sin.” But Simon answered, “Pray to the Lord for me both of you, so that nothing of what you have said will come upon me.””
‭‭Acts‬ ‭8:21-24‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered” Hebrews 5:8

The Sharing

9 Jun

As I drove across the country last week I had a lot of focused alone time.

My thoughts naturally drifted to my move to Florida 10 years prior. I was in need of a fresh start. I moved there so broken in heart and soul, but so ready to heal. It was there that I grew in faith, in strength, in joy.

As I move away again, from everything that I worked for, people I loved so much, I knew this was important. I have truly been challenged to let go of my love of security and how I view that. A home, a savings, making something beautiful, good friends, community of being known.

I had all of that and yet, here I am, moving to a new place, selling my beautiful home and renting a small apartment. I am almost numb about it all it happened so quickly. As I write this, I am sitting in a camp chair in my living room waiting for my “stuff” to arrive.

There is such a mission feel to this. I can’t explain what I can’t see down the road but this is important and I know this. It is a calling.

I had someone recently tell me that I am way too open about my life, (every so often it happens) especially my hardships and most especially about my faith. She feels that’s personal and not meant for social media. She said “ you make people uncomfortable “.

This made me smile. “Good”! Uncomfortable is a good thing! I recently was appointed to the Board of Directors for a foundation that supports mental health. In my opinion, this hits home in many ways. I do believe we have lost our ability to fully live because we think we are supposed to be happy all the time. No one is. No one. We have replaced opinion with emotion.

Mourning, breakups, friendships, children, work challenges, parents, illness, life is truly good but also so difficult as well!

There was a time that a person wore all black, or a black band on their sleeve that would inform others they were in mourning. When did we stop that? Why? It’s not like we stopped mourning when our loved ones died! If we don’t share what we suffer, we don’t allow others to respond with compassion as well. Humanity suffers and people become more entrenched in self and opinions. Less in compassion and connection.

Sharing our struggles is also one of the greatest opportunities to shine hope. How lovely to watch God make beauty from ashes. Sharing can bring hope to those in pain. Sharing can encourage others to grab hold of the intangible and for me- shine how tangible God really is! He has shown off for me in ways that instantly brought a smile through the tears. Why wouldn’t I share this incredible journey?

The road for me has been mostly an unlearning. I had it so wrong for so long. I spent my life inwardly trying to be good enough, trying to measure up, hard on myself. I was unhealthy, opinionated, insecure and full of crap! I cared way too much about what others thought of me and because of insecurity, it never was the right perspective. I tried to keep all the balls in the air myself. Never trusting.

So when I hit rock bottom, I was emptied. Spent. Done trying…hopeless.

This is what salvation is. I was pulled up out of hopelessness and blackness. I was filled- literally overnight- with a peace and a knowing that I was loved.

As I began my new season of healing – not realizing I was literally walking out the plan for my life, I wasn’t instantly a put together, perfect Christian, no! It was a work in progress, still is! I still learn and grow constantly. I am being perfected but I’m not there yet.

I learned to trust God, I unlearned legalistic ideas, I learned to surrender, to hear all that He needed me to hear. I learned to welcome correction and conviction. When you know Him and trust Him, the transparency is freedom!

For the first few years of this incredible faithwalk- I was elated, inside, this joy that wouldn’t end. It was obvious to others and to social media. But I was still working out a lot of hurts, thoughts, issues, etc. My faith was passionate, my hope was strong, but my walk was new and full of ups and downs. I wanted to share what that looks like, rather than pretend it’s a one and done! Like- I woke up saved, and perfected! No I was not! It was messy and imperfect.

It’s always been easier for me to write a thought than to express it verbally, so I kept writing. Every time I attempted to stop, someone would iMessage me. Someone would ask me a question or reach out with a spiritual crisis, or hard place.

The truth is this- God is still saving lives, families, healing hurting, addicted and afflicted hearts!

It’s not my place to judge a single heart that God loves, and He loves every single one. It is also not my job to save people, to make people believe.

My calling is this. I am meant to share my life, what I learn (usually the hard way), and the truth transparently. I don’t need to worry about what others think but rather my focus is to please my Heavenly Father that literally already knows everything before I confess it, before I “get it”, the One who has called me my whole life.

So, I will continue to share, because even if the majority doesn’t think I should, there is always one that needed to hear they are not alone. The one that needs hope. The one that needs an introduction to My Lord.

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-16‬ ‭ESV‬‬