Archive | August, 2012

Flying High

31 Aug

“I finally understand the difference between loving and pleasing, between making people happy and spreading seeds of joy ”

The stronghold I keep revisiting is the people pleaser in me. It is so natural to me to care what others think; to feel responsible for what others feel, desire, want. I am a “nice” person, afterall.

I gain such confidence from making someone happy.

There is a sense of confidence that we can feel or exhibit that is from our own ego. However we derive that confidence, when it isn’t from God, that feeling of value doesn’t last.

There is a peace that enters your heart when you rely on God for everything. When you walk this world with His purpose for your life in your mind, with His words on your lips, with His plan in your heart. It is a peace that requires only Him; filling your heart, filling your thoughts, that surpasses confidence, surpasses any attention, any recognition you will receive here. There is nothing worldly like it.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be so wise, so full of the Holy Spirit everyday that all strongholds, all temptation, were but a memory? Alas, I am just a weak sinner that is so loved anyways. He is amazing.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Shame On You

27 Aug

How He Loves Us, Oh…

“We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that He loves us..”
~ by John Mark MacMillan

I had a conversation about shame tonight. God created so many thoughts in my head around that word. As I lay in bed, He shared scripture with me; key scripture from my studies or recent conversations. (I love when He does that)

Shame is not of God. Shame is of man, of the Devil. Walking in true faith means we carry no shame.

Think about Judah. He was a sinner amongst sinners. Yet, He is forgiven,released from his shame and his descendants become the most important people in the bible.

Humility, patience, trust, conscience, honor, love, forgiveness, mercy, grace; these are the words of God, these are the words of Faith. To have true faith, as the precious child of God, you entrust your life in His hands. You believe His promises and His words. Listen to His words.

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the good things of the land;
but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 1:18-20

God knows we will sin. He mapped our lives out before we were born. Our trials, our most difficult trials, will truly be our greatest blessing. To receive that blessing, we first must accept that we are worthy of the blessings. He loves us. He promises us this.

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6 NIV

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”. Ephesians 2:10 NIV

When you let go of self, you gain a deeper sense of being. A sense of value and preciousness. You are His prize and he is yours.

“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words”. Romans 8:26


24 Aug

“God, my God, I yelled for help
and you put me together.
God, you pulled me out of the grave,
gave me another chance at life
when I was down-and-out. ”
Psalms 30:2-3 The Message

Have you experienced “hitting rock bottom?” The rock bottom of despair? I have.

God loved me so, and because He did, July 9,2010 I chose to go to church before I ended my pain.

The sermon was on gratitude. It was being there, in that moment, in the room I had slowly begun to know Him, with a heart so tired, I broke. There was nothing left of me. I had no purpose anymore. I couldn’t remember a time that I wasn’t taking care of someone; raising children, taking care of ailing parents, loving a husband, being a part of so much more than just me. Now, it was only me. I had my family, but I certainly didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I was so tired, lost and broken. Broken hearted, broken spirited, broken person.

God reached in and grabbed me that night, He closed a chapter of incredible pain, despair and fear. He healed me. Deep wounds were closed. It was the beginning of my new life with Christ; a new life with me as a whole person. I cried that night with my Pastor and his wife, like I have never cried before. I mourned so deep that loss, and we began the healing.

I woke the next morning filled with a joy that only God can explain. I had hope; an incredible, joyous hope that is within my heart every single day. I have certainly faltered, sinned, made mistakes, and had bad times since then, but the transformation was begun and my heart was changed. That unstoppable, undeniable joy has never left my heart since that day. I was filled to the brim with a love so amazing.

Over the years, I asked over and over for Him to fill me. The key difference was not that He wasn’t there, ready to show me, to fill me, but rather…. I stubbornly wasn’t able to receive all that He had to offer. From my devastation, from my pain, my despair, I was finally rid of all that stood in the way of my ability to fully receive Him.

Our pain, our suffering, our despair…can be our greatest blessing. From nothing can come everything.

“You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.”
Psalms 30:11-12 the Message

Nehemiah Everywhere

22 Aug

For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it.~ Job 33:14

July 4, 2012

Dearest friend,
I wonder if you could help me decipher my dream. I went to the house. My ex was there, we talked. Alot. We loved each other so much it was apparent. He showed me improvements. I saw the grandkids and broke down sobbing, in the sand was Nehemiah 1 , not sure what it said, but it was stamped over and over in the sand. All around the house. I am still crying, it was so real, so full of emotion. Does it mean something or is it just a really sad dream? Letting go more and more.

~ I just don’t know the significance of Nehemiah 1.

July 4, 2012

God is not done with your connection with your ex. You are to pray for him, for his salvation, for what Satan has knocked down of his own walls and the destruction that came to him and his household. You wept as Nehemiah wept over his home. You felt a great love for your ex in your dream. That love is what you need to pray about. You need to pray for him like you pray for other people. You need to pray for his life, the life of the children and grandchildren. This was your people. You are to pray for God in the lives of your people. Nehemiah wept. You weep. The scripture was around his entire household. God still sees you as coming from that household. You are to pray for God’s restoration and it looks like the recognition of any part you had in the destruction of it along with him. To acknowledge it, which I believe you have. I know you have forgiven him, but now God wants you to pray blessings for him and them.For their lives to be back in His hands. For your people, your household, your family.
That’s the interpretation that came. I’m praying for you. I think God sees you strong enough to do this now with the kind of God-loving heart as Nehemiah.

This is a true correspondence (identities removed) between myself and a very wise friend. It has been a very difficult task, to pray blessings upon one that hurt me. Taking stock of our own wrongdoings, and repenting, is the first step. Forgiveness is the second. To pray blessings over the one that hurt you, is powerful and honestly, the most difficult journey I have ever begun. This is Agape Love and I am learning as I go.

Nehemiah 1:3-11 NLT

3 They said to me, “Things are not going well for those who returned to the province of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”

4 When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven. 5 Then I said,

“O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps his covenant of unfailing love with those who love him and obey his commands, 6 listen to my prayer! Look down and see me praying night and day for your people Israel. I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned! 7 We have sinned terribly by not obeying the commands, decrees, and regulations that you gave us through your servant Moses.

8 “Please remember what you told your servant Moses: ‘If you are unfaithful to me, I will scatter you among the nations. 9 But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then even if you are exiled to the ends of the earth, I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored.’

10 “The people you rescued by your great power and strong hand are your servants. 11 O Lord, please hear my prayer! Listen to the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring you. Please grant me success today by making the king favorable to me.[b] Put it into his heart to be kind to me.”

Leap of Faith

21 Aug

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” – Louis L’Amour (1908-1988)

I wasn’t sure if I was running away when I left Minnesota, I just felt that pull to go. The only sure thing was the obvious; I was leaving my hometown, my people, my safety net, my support, and it felt right.

I had now accepted the ending of the chapter I held on to so tightly, there was no reason to hang on to hope any longer. My divorce was to be final in a matter of days. The end. I was moving forward without my marriage. I knew it was time to find new purpose.

I begged God to guide my steps. I honestly had no idea what to look forward to, to pray for. I didn’t know where to begin. God answered my cry to Him to help me move forward. In a deep pull. A sweet little voice that said, “Grandma, come see me. I miss you.” As I weighed options, my stepdad had a heart attack in Florida. No more doubts, I dove into the deep end.

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. – Deuteronomy 4:29

God lead me to obedience by love. God beckoned me to obey Him, to trust Him deeper by leaving my support. I had no fear in my decision to go, I trusted God and leapt.

This journey with God driving, is amazing. It has brought a healing, a hope and a joy in my life. He spoke, I listened. My grandson is a beam of light in my life and I am blessed by the time I have with him. Gratefully.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all. Proverbs 3:5 The message

Missteps to Holiness

18 Aug

People will judge you from their heart, God will judge your heart. Be sure you are playing to the right audience ~me

We, as a church, did a study on the book “Counterfeit Gods”. Some chapters were so glaringly obvious to me how they applied to my walk. Other chapters were glaringly obvious how they applied to other people. Ha!

One such chapter was the idol of success. I was married to two different workaholic types, money, success driven, you know the type. Well, after reading that chapter, I decided, to the point of idolatry. I went to church that Sunday with less enthusiasm for my journey, but rather, looking for insight into those that this chapter actually applied to. At the very least, I would have fellowship.

God is so funny.

As Pastor Spencer began speaking on the idol of success, I realized it was all about popularity. The more he talked, the more I became uncomfortable. I was dumbfounded. Success includes caring about what others think of us. Our desire to please people. I do not care for being disliked in fact, it really bothers me. I thought being a likable, popular person was important. How is that an idol?

Idolatry is to value something or someone in a way that detracts from the love and trust we owe to God.If we are distracted by other things, pursuing other things more fervently than we pursue Him, then it is an act of theft from God. Convicted! Again!

We will get hurt when we put faith in people and not in God. When we care about being popular, important, liked, we put ourselves at risk to sell out, to not be true to our faithwalk.

Our journey here is to become Holy, not popular. God will never let us down. Ever.

In my letting go of this desire for people, I find myself feeling closer to God than ever before. You are never alone but you have to let go of the things that stand between you and Him.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” 2 Cor. 12:9 – 10

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you.” John 15:18-20 NIV

A Shield of Humor.

16 Aug

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”~unknown ..

While there are many things to take very seriously about our Holy journey, there is a topic that requires much attention; humor!

A sense of humor is such an incredible gift from God. There is so much to find humorous in each of us; give me 10 minutes with you, I will find something humorous about you. I will laugh with you or at you, your call. Just kidding. Okay, not kidding, but, humor is essential in our walk with God.

I find humor in most situations and most people. I laugh at myself easily. I am a happy girl, with a happy heart. I have always had a sense of humor but I wasn’t always happy.

There is a gift in seeing the humor in our ups and downs,our mistakes, our fumbles and our hardships. When we laugh at ourselves, we take away any power the devil could ever have over us, in any situation.

Tonight, I shared with a friend that while I was going through tough times as a single mom, eons ago, I had a friend that started laughing at me when my power had been turned off. Within 10 seconds, she had me laughing instead of crying. That is a gift and that is love. The devil is in the worry. God is in the humor.

We all know people that are serious, solemn, striving for perfection. We are not meant to be perfect. We were designed to make and will make a mistake, feel foolish, be misunderstood, mistaken, do really silly things at times. Life is a gift. God intended for us to learn, to love, to be humble, and humbled, to bless, and to laugh. I believe that. If we have a sense of humor, imagine God’s sense of humor!

I am sort of funny and that is something I am very grateful for. It’s a blessing. I laugh; every single day, with God, with others, even alone.
Thats the way it should be, For, there is a time to laugh.

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 3-8 NLT