Running on Empty

12 Aug

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
~Tenth Avenue North

In my journey with Christ, He has shown me one very important lesson that I wish to share with you. It is so key, so singular in its importance, that I feel it is the one thing that stands between us and real joy.

In this society, we are taught that we deserve comfort, success, happiness. We are shown images of what happiness looks like, what “good enough” looks like. Bodies should be thin and toned. Cars, homes,name brand trinkets, the right politics,popularity, these will make you happy. We seek outside of ourselves, all the feelings we long for. Feelings of love, acceptance, happiness, value, appreciation. And still, there is such dissatisfaction all around us.

My heart hurts for those that are chasing happiness. I have been on that Gerbil wheel. When I crashed, I hit a bottom so low that just breathing was difficult. What I found in that gasping for air time, was peace. I lost my husband, my home, my future, my dreams, my plans, my hopes, my security, my pets, in one swift motion. My outside measures of happiness, gone. My children were grown and busy with their own lives. I was faced with me, just me. And God.

As I began to embrace God in that hour of need, there was nothing outside of myself to think about, to soothe me, to seek validation from, to blame. I was raw and facing God with a strong desire to die and a heart so full of feelings of hopelessness and unworthiness. I knew somewhere inside that I was completely at fault,unworthy. In the collapse of that deck of cards, I found the core, the center. I needed to believe that I was worth something, even in my broken state. Rejection was so raw and damaging because, I had placed all of my value with what others reflected. Not the reflection of my heart,outward. Not who I was inside, the precious daughter of God.

It was starting to sink in that we didn’t have to earn God’s love. A song came on the radio, the lyrics are above. It struck me like a ton of bricks. Why? Why are we seeking what is ours by promise? We don’t earn Gods love, we embrace it. We climb in. It never fades, never changes. It is the center from which all things come from.

Embracing that truth that God never stops loving us, never fails us, even as our hearts are broken, that His promises are ours, always, is the cornerstone from which we build our faith. Its the beginning and the end. From that comes the trust, the light, the hope, the peace, the joy. The joy is knowing that God is enough. To humbly say, I am enough for Him. Just as I am. And He is enough for me.
He filled me up when I wanted to die and never left me alone again. I can do all things with Christ. All things.

The surrender of seeking is the acceptance of promise. From that acceptance, we find joy. From that acceptance, we find peace.

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him”. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 (NLT)


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