Welcome home, beloved.

15 Aug

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I cannot count the number of times or ways throughout my life I have reached out to God, from childhood wishes and desires,the heartfelt cries of my suffering teen years; I found Him many times in my life.

I found a deep appreciation for Him during my first pregnancy.  I went into a deep awe of all He was creating in my body, it was amazing to me.

I was close to Him as I raised my small children. I turned away from that relationship during my divorce,  I am certain it was my shame and I felt hated by God. Surely I was condemned, I failed my children, my promises. I had my reasons, but God hates divorce and we all suffered terribly because of that decision. I was unworthy after all.

Over the next 20 plus years, I would desire that relationship. I longed for Him,  I needed Him.  I sought Him. But I never had that connection again. Nine months before my second husband left me, I got on my knees, sobbing and begged God for solid, christian friendships; friendships that would help me in my walk back to Him. I was seeking Him, and wholeness, without really understanding what I was asking.

As my second marriage was ending, I died a little. I was rejected, unwanted; all the fear of being unlovable, unworthy, were being validated.  But, He was bringing an army of loving women into my life to battle that belief. He brought women that uplifted me, fed my neglected soul, surrounded me and kept me safe while I mourned. I found a core group of women that is so beautiful, so Holy, so loving, gentle and connected. It was answered prayers. My prayer.

There are many key moments in my new life with Christ, but there a few that stand out; moments that gave me clarity, moments that changed me instantly.

A sermon on the Prodigal Son healed a part of me, swiftly and astoundingly.   The pastor pointed out that in the parable, the father ran to his son when he was still a long way out.  He was waiting. Waiting! Every moment that his son was gone, he was watching and waiting for his return. When he saw his son in the distance, he ran to him,  heart overflowing with the joy and love only a parent understands. That is our God. He is waiting for us. He loves us that much. We are that precious to Him. He waits, until we seek him, until we come home to Him. He takes us in as if we were sinless, perfection. In His eyes, we are. It is us that doubts that.

Humble yourself to know you are that worthy, that precious, that blessed. ~ Peace.

Luke 15:20-24 (NIV)

20 So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

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