24 Aug

“God, my God, I yelled for help
and you put me together.
God, you pulled me out of the grave,
gave me another chance at life
when I was down-and-out. ”
Psalms 30:2-3 The Message

Have you experienced “hitting rock bottom?” The rock bottom of despair? I have.

God loved me so, and because He did, July 9,2010 I chose to go to church before I ended my pain.

The sermon was on gratitude. It was being there, in that moment, in the room I had slowly begun to know Him, with a heart so tired, I broke. There was nothing left of me. I had no purpose anymore. I couldn’t remember a time that I wasn’t taking care of someone; raising children, taking care of ailing parents, loving a husband, being a part of so much more than just me. Now, it was only me. I had my family, but I certainly didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I was so tired, lost and broken. Broken hearted, broken spirited, broken person.

God reached in and grabbed me that night, He closed a chapter of incredible pain, despair and fear. He healed me. Deep wounds were closed. It was the beginning of my new life with Christ; a new life with me as a whole person. I cried that night with my Pastor and his wife, like I have never cried before. I mourned so deep that loss, and we began the healing.

I woke the next morning filled with a joy that only God can explain. I had hope; an incredible, joyous hope that is within my heart every single day. I have certainly faltered, sinned, made mistakes, and had bad times since then, but the transformation was begun and my heart was changed. That unstoppable, undeniable joy has never left my heart since that day. I was filled to the brim with a love so amazing.

Over the years, I asked over and over for Him to fill me. The key difference was not that He wasn’t there, ready to show me, to fill me, but rather…. I stubbornly wasn’t able to receive all that He had to offer. From my devastation, from my pain, my despair, I was finally rid of all that stood in the way of my ability to fully receive Him.

Our pain, our suffering, our despair…can be our greatest blessing. From nothing can come everything.

“You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.”
Psalms 30:11-12 the Message


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