Lead Me

4 Sep

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing things that I could give up
I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
~ Sanctus Real

One night, I woke up with a new layer of grief to purge and in its wake, a need to write a letter to God. In this letter I shared what my life with a man by side would look like, my vision of good. It was very specific, very real.

In that letter, I described what it felt like to be with a man of faith, praying together, for one another. Although, I wasn’t sure how he would fit into my life.

Until two weeks ago, I had decided I would never remarry. This particular Sunday I had a sudden,random thought, and it rattled my brain and my nerves.

I might like to be married again one day.

Shocking! I know! I know God has a plan for my life and I accept it as I go. If God wants me to be married again, I will be. If He wants me to himself, I will be. Either way, I am happy.

As a faith walking woman, I believe what the bible tells me. The bible tells me that a husband should be the leader of the home. In theory, this is good, I like this idea. Except the part about being led. I had an epiphany tonight. If I seek a man who will love God, pray with me, be that man of faith, he will, by God’s design, be my leader; Um, one problem, I will need to learn to be led. There is no other way. So, if I am praying for a man to lead, then I also need to pray for the discernment and the courage to be led.

I am strong, independent and capable. It can be hard to get through my protective layer at times. I can be tough. I am also very loving, warm, gentle and extremely loyal. As my daughter noted; I am a Scandinavian woman.

God has been speaking to me, slowly working on my heart. He has softened me and strengthened me in all the right ways. He shows me new insights in the most amazing, random ways. God will not mislead me. He will prepare me to be the woman who recognizes and compliments the leader I seek. When I speak of leadership, it is of respect, strength of mind and character and mostly, of love. And like God, worthy of my trust.

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love” (1 Cor. 16:13-14)

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