Changed

10 Apr

I saw an ad tonight for a beautiful kitchen. You know the one, state-of-the-art appliances, beautiful cabinets, gorgeous floor. I was shocked that I found no interest. I appreciated the beauty of it, but I didn’t desire it.

There was a time I would have poured over all the trend magazines, worked on new designs for the next dream home. Furniture, paint, colors, toys, clothing, designer bags… (Ok.. still love handbags, I am a work in progress). I realized, in that moment, how different I really am.

Transformation is not something we are ever aware of. How could we be? We are too self focused.

We zone in on our circumstances, our dreams, our people… our feelings. It is when we look back that we see how far we have come. Everything is changing so fast;I am changing so quickly. It’s weird to see this from an almost outside perspective. I have these challenges, these life altering times and hardships that are so swift in the processing. From shock, to fear to anger, to sadness, to seeing God’s hand, to seeing his plan, to hope, to joy, in a matter of days. I can’t explain this any more than this. I lost all I thought mattered and gained everything I didn’t know existed.

Who would have thought I would be this alive in Christ, this deep into my faith? I am the fun girl, the party girl. I am the woman with the controlling nature, the right and wrong, black and white side. Walking this path for Christ, by joining His Army..(did I know I was joining the Army?) we will suffer greatly as we struggle to let go of our version and plan for our life, and learn to embrace His version and plan for our life.

My passion has shifted so tremendously, what I value has changed completely. What gets me excited and what makes me afraid… completely different.
As I lose more and more of my attachment to the things of this world, my love deepens for the people of this world. Not so much their person, not who they are or what they do, but the soul of the person.

I love and miss what is familiar to me, my children, my family, my friends, and I am caught in this place that can feel so alone. My faith is so isolating at times, but that is my greatest Hope of all. He is leading me and I am following. Even as the pain of it settles in at times, He never leaves me alone in it. He has brought righteous, loving guidance. Gentle wisdom and loving friendship to lift me, to keep my eyes on Him with joyful faith.

There are no rules except to love the Lord. Love Him, seek Him and trust Him. The sinner will still sin. That’s okay. We grow and He will guide us where He wants us. Each path is so different, each lesson unique. No one path is greater than another, no need to compare.

I have learned that Faith, Trust, Hope, Forgiveness, Love, all the beautiful gifts of the Spirit, come in layers. Each layer of trial that is peeled back, is a new layer of healing. The best I can explain it would be a shower routine: We get mired down in the muck, we get dirty, we get weighed down. When you have had enough and are ready to be cleansed, you peel off this new layer of your struggles, (unforgiveness, injustice, heartbreak, fear, disappointment). You put that into the hamper to be washed clean by housekeeping. You step into the shower, letting the warm water comfort you, you slowly come to life. You slowly come clean and you feel refreshed. You step out and put on new clothes that have been chosen for you, bought for you. They are a gift. Sometimes it is simple clothing, sometimes it is rich garments with beautiful jewels. These are special items, they never need to be cleaned, you get to keep them and treasure them for ever and no one can ever steal them or take them from you.

That is the Love, Grace and Mercy of Christ. You are healed, made new, strengthened, surrounded, saved, by Him. You don’t even realize how far that Love will reach in until you begin that walk to find it. Suddenly, Grace walks in and everything is different. This makes me cry such tears of joy and gratitude. Jesus, the only name you need to know on a first name basis.

Luke 18
27 Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

28 Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!”

29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30 will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: