Construction Help Wanted

28 Jun

“If you think someone or something other than yourself is responsible for your happiness or success, I’d guess you’re not that happy or successful.”
― Rob Liano

We cannot surrender ourselves to Him, if we don’t first surrender our own controlling need to blame others. Joy is a gift, happiness is a choice. Beckie Halaska. =)

Construction Crew or Wrecking Crew~

When my children were little, it amazed me how their behavior was always at its worst on the days I could tolerate it the least. Now I see how this is so logical.

It took me a very long time to realize I was “creating” the circumstances in my own life. It was a slow process for me. I kept waiting for everyone else to change. I wasn’t looking within myself to identify the problems.

Change is a process, it takes time. Having a different attitude is the first and most important step to allow that change to take place. Having knowledge has nothing to do with having the ability to apply it to yourself. It takes effort and a conscious decision.

Looking within, I found that my fears were the roadblock, keeping me from letting go of the past. The past was still what I based the future on, clouding my ability to see the changes that were possible. I was afraid. Afraid of failure, or maybe even success.

Seeing that I have a choice…if I choose not to react to my fears, instead, simply just acknowledge my fear and choose to trust… Thats all that is really needed…Nothing more than that.

I gave fear a lot of power and didn’t realize trust, love and forgiveness were a choice. I knew I loved, the feeling love. But I didn’t choose the attitude to love. The verb.

I had a light bulb moment. It wasn’t huge, just a hmmm..sort of moment. From that moment on, I have been calm. Conscious christian, bible based dialogue focuses on the positives, reaffirms the good. It sheds love and allows for a positive attitude. If you focus on the negatives, it could be awfully impossible to have hope, good times, closeness. I am learning that attitude on my part is simply just a choice. Actually what I am doing by reacting is saying I believe I know what will happen next, what this means about how you see me, what my worth is, what the outcome is going to be. Assuming I will be hurt, when in reality I will in fact be unhappy, we will be stuck, but only because I convinced myself of it. Knowing this is actually calming. It has been the single most important thing I have ever done for my relationships.

What kind of life, relationship’s I have is entirely up to me! It’s attitude. If you really see that, embrace that, it becomes so simple. If you look for negatives, you will find them, if you look for positives, you will find them. People will never disappoint you either way. We are the greatest critics of other’s, yet we want no criticism. Oh yeah, that’s fair!!!.

What we are really afraid of is that we are not worthy. I feel a peace inside that I never have felt before. The rest is purely circumstantial. I still get ticked off and I get hurt and I get frustrated. But, they are not monumental. They are circumstantial. They are not hopeless. There is some good to be found inspite of those things. If I look for it. I am learning to not fear, to not assume, to trust, to see the positives, to look within myself to see why I am reacting. By changing my attitude in just this one area, I change the dynamics completely. I see happiness and I feel content. I feel strong and in charge of myself.
It isn’t what I am getting, it’s what I am telling myself I am getting.
It’s not coming at me, it’s coming from within me.

I am now on the construction crew in my life. I make the choice to love, trust and forgive.

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, defines harmony by these attributes.
1. Be impeccable with your words. To speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or others, directly or indirectly thru gossip. Use the power of your word to speak with truth and love.

2. Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What they say and do is simply a projection of their own reality, their own life experiences. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you no longer are the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, hard feelings and drama. With this one simple agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, be your best self, and you will avoid self-judgement, self abuse, and regret.

Charles Swindoll advises us that our attitude is key to our success.
He states: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitudes we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is our attitude..I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Stephen R. Covey tells us in ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” that love is a decision. That love is a verb (an action word). Love – the feeling- is a fruit of love, a verb.
For healthy people, love is a verb (something they do). Taking this one step further… so are trust and forgiveness. People who react rather than respond to what’s going on around them see love as a feeling. They and their behavior are driven by their feelings. Proactive, responsible people place their values above their feelings. Making the “decision” to love, trust and forgive.

In your relationships, do you tend to be on the construction gang or on the wrecking crew?
The following are the attributes of the “construction crew”
*Prayer *Affirmation *Positive Attitude *Present and Future focused
*Communication (dialogue, listening and discuss) *Cooperative attitude *Forgiveness *Affection *Positive self-talk *Change *Reliability *Romance

The following are the attributes of the “wrecking crew”
*Criticism *Withdrawal *Negative attitude *Continuing Negative Behaviors *No Communication *No reliance on god *Holding a grudge *Name calling *Negative self talk *Disrespect *Must win attitude *Living in the past *Untrustworthy behavior *self soothing

Psalm 103:8 (NIV) The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Galatians 5:22-24 (NIV)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: