Archive | December, 2015

Wedding Day

11 Dec

  I have found the one whom my soul loves. Song of Solomon 3:4

If you have followed my blog at all, these are not the plans I had made for myself. I truly wasn’t sure I would be able to get to this place of hope.

In the process of my heartbreak, my newfound faith in Christ, I grew strong and happy. I was fine all alone. I had a fulfilling and deep relationship with my Savior, the Triune. I felt held, the Holy Spirit warmed my soul, and my heavenly Father protected me, provided for me. I was surrounded by strong, loving women. I honestly did not need a husband.

God had other plans for my life. I just needed to walk a journey with Christ first, and alone; To heal, to hope, to trust.

I needed to become a Christ focused woman before I could be a God chosen wife.

I think this is the most important work we can allow in ourselves. I am so strong and self sufficient, that I needed to grow and learn. To heal all the broken places.

When God sets us apart, alone, with Him, regardless of where you are at, His does this so we can allow Him to do the work in us. We don’t need to listen to world, we need to step back from it. His words are amazing. If you submit and just let Him wash over you, He does amazing things!

For those of us, not in our youth, with baggage and hurt and walls and broken dreams- this is really important. How can you possibly love others, forgive others, if you don’t first find out who you are in God’s eyes and what Christ’s death actually means to you personally. You can’t give globally until you first understand and apply it to yourself. It is essential. That is why Christ took time for himself, away from the world and noise. To quiet His mind and nourish his spirit with God the Father. Being alone is really difficult for some, but faith is never easy.

There is a bar that we set for “the one”. We must also set that bar for ourselves. We also must not give attributes to someone that we possess. We must test the attributes, not just in them but also in ourselves.

I think the greatest decision I made was to not date. In my short lived, fumbling attempts, I found myself in panic mode, unsure and terrified. I was not ready. By allowing God to work in me, teaching me about me, teaching me to rely on Him, teaching me to seek His wisdom, His reactions, to allow Him to lead me, I was able to learn how to be a Christian wife. I have much to learn about being a good wife, let alone a good Christian wife.

In order to understand how God works in my life, the week before my wedding, a 17 year old told me that my biggest challenge (Genesis 3) would be to always want to lead, to be in charge. It truly was the first time this stood out to me, or was shown to me. To back that up it was also shared in the sermon on Sunday. It isn’t my downfall, it is the downfall of Eve and Adam that I fight. My nature is to apply it and all struggle as my own flawed nature. Nope. This is the flaw of all of us.

The challenge to grow together, to become holy together. My job is to be the heart, my husbands will be to be the protector and the strength, the logic.

In my husband to be, I sought perfection. I sought him to be a man that was Godly at all times, a man that would not let me down, whom would lead me gently and with patience, never stubborn, never angry, never frustrated and most definitely never bossy. Well. That didn’t happen. Ha!

If I had walked away when my fears were realized, that this man was not perfect. Not strong in his leadership at all times, not always walking closely in The Word, I would have missed out on this incredible journey of learning to help each other walk closer and closer to Him. We help each other. Men are called differently than women yet when it works together it is powerful! When it works against each other, it is also powerful.

I have found hope for a future that will keep Christ at the center. I have found a place to grow and be imperfect. I have found forgiveness and forebearance, both given and shared. In my own stubborn places, I see the mirror in Him. We have compassion for one another, and a hope for Godliness in each other.

He isn’t God. He isn’t perfect. He isn’t my savior. He isn’t always right (he will argue with this). He doesn’t always earn my respect, but he is always in need of it. He isn’t always loving and gentle, but his heart longs to be that for me at all times.

This is the beginning of new chapter. Continued growth on the road to Holiness, but from here on out, I have a helpmate. And so does David.

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6