Guard Your Heart

4 Aug

I lost it…full blown melt down. I sobbed because of pain; I sobbed because of self pity and discouragement. I voiced my frustration and discouragement to God, begging Him to give me relief, asking Him why. I was angry.

I have my bad moments or even abad days that are “this too shall pass” kind of day. This was different. This was building over time and I wasn’t really aware of how dangerous this path was.

Discouragement is a slippery slope, it flirts with discontent and lack of faith. It says to God, you are wrong and it says I deserve better.  It doesn’t have trust in Him that He is beside you.

My broken bones, tissue, tendons and muscles will heal and though I may never regain full use, this pain, though 4 months in, is still temporary. I am only temporarily crippled.

I must also admit I have shame, shame because I have friends that live with incredible pain every day and never complain. They are blessings to be around. I was not and have not been blessing anyone!

In the aftermath of my meltdown, I realized my weakness. I have not guarded my heart carefully. Our words, our thoughts, they are truly so important in our daily fight against our sinful nature.

How I journey through this trial could cripple my heart. Though I am not in danger of losing my salvation, I cannot be walking beside Christ and satan at the same time. I cannot allow my discouragement to cripple my faith walk, cripple my obedience and mostly, do irreparable harm to my forever blessings in heaven.

As I realized the full measure of my self inflicted sorrow, the anger that followed…the thought came loud and clear ” This path is very clearly not drawing you nearer to God.”

In the midst of a prayer study, I stopped seeking peace. Peace that comes from abiding and submitting to God. My pride was high, my self sufficient past was alive and well, and I was angry and frustrated; Beaten down.

“Submit to the Lord and satan will flee. ”

If our faith is only strong when we are happy or seeing hope… It isn’t very strong.

James points out that we won’t ever truly achieve pure faith without submission to trying times. When we lean in and find peace that God has this and will not leave us alone when we seek Him out in our trials, joy replaces fear and ego and discouragement.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I love knowing that He has all of this planned, even when I forget that He foretold all I would need to know in the pages of my bible. The Holy Spirit won’t let me get too far down that path.  He has prepared the way for my journey that is so incredibly trying but rewarding all at the same time.

I pray that I will always learn and grow, that  I will always strive to live in transparency and share this messy life that is truly so blessed.

Yes…Guard your heart… Your thoughts. No matter how strong you are today, Satan is just waiting to steal all that from you.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”        Psalms‬ ‭139:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

““My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah‬ ‭55:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“for she thought, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.””  ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭9:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬
“Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.”  Ephesians‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“For who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭11:34‬ ‭NLT‬‬
“These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.”  Matthew‬ ‭6:32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

One Response to “Guard Your Heart”

  1. Debbie L August 4, 2016 at 11:28 am #

    Oh no! Praying for quick healing….

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