My Disobedient Heart

27 Mar

Reflecting on my day yesterday. It was one of those days from the get go,some trials. What I want to share about my day mostly, is this.
I am an imperfect Christian. My faith in Him, even though I know who He is, that He is in control, I still falter in my trust in Him.

I panicked for a bit yesterday. I did not go to His word, I asked for prayers, I talked about it. I got a little lost in it.
I have learned that Satan can attack us, but he only has the power we give to him. What we allow to rock us. We all do it, but when you know that no matter what the world throws at you, God is our strength and He is all powerful, you have peace. And when you’ve known that peace, you seek it quickly.
I can start my day in the word, strong in faith, close to Him, obedient and within 10 minutes of leaving my home, we can be lost. We judge ,we are impatient ,we gossip or we take back something we already surrendered to Him, not trusting in His timing.
There is absolutely no perfect Christian. Truly the only one that was perfect died on the cross and we follow Him. We are Christ followers and we will never be perfect like him. We are sinners, we are human. We are not righteous on our own, we are not Holy without Him.
How I ended my day was in the word, which brings me back to peace. God speaks to me through His word. He reminds me of who he is and who I am not. I can know the word, I can know where to go for that peace, but if I reach out for prayer, talk about the problem and do not spend time in God’s presence and read His word, then I’m just spinning my wheel. I had forgotten the source of my peace. I had forgotten the source of power to heal and correct what is wrong; The One that calms my soul.
Today as I read Joshua 4, God had the Israelites stack stones at the Jordan river, to remind them of what God did for them. That is what the word of God, written down for us, is. That is also what the cross is for us. It is the reminder of what God has done, what Christ has done, for us. What His life meant and what His death accomplished for us.

It is our ego, our pride, our sin nature that makes us waver in and out of obedience. We are just so weak in our day to day focus. We need to be reminded that God doesn’t change, not ever. We do. We draw near, we take back the wheel, we draw near, we fall away. It is all day, every day, this cycle of disobedience, back to humility and back to obedience.
As I grow in faith, it takes less time to get back to Him that centers me and calms the waters, true, but I still do it daily. We are having to die to ourselves daily.
He knew this about us. I believe if we didn’t do this, if we were obedient all day, we would take pride in it and in the end, this would be our disobedience. I honestly think this is an important part of our faith. To know we are never going to not need Him. If you don’t pull back, you have nothing to surrender, and that act of worship, humility, awareness of your need for him, is vital. We need Him. He doesn’t need us. At all. But He pursues us and loves us.
As we walk through Easter week, know that no matter where you are at in your belief of God, that He is the same for me as He is for you. He is who He is. He doesn’t change. His love and forbearance of a girl like me, is exactly what His love and forbearance is for you. It all just depends on where you meet Him. I am as in need of Him and of repentance as you are. As we all are.

Truth is, I am weak and needy, as we all are. He died for our sin, He longs for our hearts to rest in His hands. The cross is our stack of 12 stones. The cross that Jesus died on, is our reminder of all He did for us, what He promises to us, and mostly how much He loves us.
One day, every single knee will bow, regardless of whether you ever knew this or not. One day we will all stand before God, imperfect, sin nature and all. Will you be recognized? Will he say,” I know you! “ That is the truth. He wants to know you.

What does that mean for you?

“It was there at Gilgal that Joshua piled up the twelve stones taken from the Jordan River. Then Joshua said to the Israelites, “In the future your children will ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘This is where the Israelites crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’”

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭4:20-22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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