Archive | February, 2020

Love, Always

25 Feb

I wrote this last year, it was in my Facebook memories today. I love when my words come to soothe my soul. He flows through me when I write, and it always blesses me. His words on my fingers always lift my weary heart, cleanse the thoughts that take me down dark paths, remind me … He is my only Hope. He is all I need. He is my everything. ❤

So many need encouragement -thought worthy of sharing.
I was thinking tonight how much of our lives really don’t turn out the way we thought they would. It’s not even close to how we wished it would be. We made mistakes we wish we hadn’t, we have watched our loved ones make devastating choices. We have lost loved ones and had our hearts torn to pieces.
But God.
He remained the same in all of it, even when we couldn’t see Him anywhere in it. Even when we want to believe He has it, but we just can’t!
There is nothing we can do to change the outcomes of our days, let alone the outcomes for our children or our spouses, or our friends. God knows all the why’s and all the whens, all the yeses and all the no’s. and we can’t ever know.
People suffer. We live in a world of sin. We will always have the suffering. Nothing is new there. Jesus promised us we would have trial here. It’s just so awful when it feels so painful, so hopeless.
But God.
God gave us tools and prayers to help us through. He gave us community. Love. Church.
He gave us His word. ❤
I found this nugget yesterday in my reading. It has stayed with me. Simple but truth.
God’s sovereignty, Glory and Omnipotence.
But also his grace.

Proverbs 30
The sayings of Agur son of Jakeh contain this message.[a]
I am weary, O God;
I am weary and worn out, O God.[b]
I am too stupid to be human,
and I lack common sense.
I have not mastered human wisdom,
nor do I know the Holy One.
Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down?
Who holds the wind in his fists?
Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak?
Who has created the whole wide world?
What is his name—and his son’s name?
Tell me if you know!
Every word of God proves true.
He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.

He is a God of compassion, promise and fairness.
Even when it feels so unfair.
Even when it hurts so badly.
I once made this statement, and it follows here;Do NOT give to satan in fear what is meant for God in Glory.

Keep your eyes on Him and surrender to His plan. All His plans are perfect. We just can’t always see it. Yet. ❤ Amen.

Light Up the Room

15 Feb

By Beckie Halaska

People have often spoke of my light, post divorce 2010. There is a very real reason for this.

The light that people comment on isn’t because I am special in some way. I am not. I am loved by but no more special to God than the very least, the very worst of his creation.  I like to remind myself of this often or I get a bit too me focused, too approval needing. God finds us all special;  The homeless man, the man that murdered someone, the drug addict, the prostitute, the liar, the betrayer, the bully, the wealthy, the “saintly”, and even the successful, when they are humble and stewards of Him. When they use their blessings to shine the light back to Him.  He is the light. Not us. We are simply just the reflection of the light, and let’s face it, we are not always shiny! I’m not!

There is this perception out there, among both Christians, Jews and non-believers that when we say we are Christians, we become instantly like God, that we now should measure the rest of the world by how they uphold every law of God.
First of all, we aren’t capable, none of us, of that kind of perfection. We have sin in us, all of us do. The truth is, all sin is equal in the eyes of God. (Matthew 5-7).  The absolute truth of salvation is this, we have three choices: Believe in nothing, believe we have to live by the law and be perfect in it, (be a good person, that’s enough…are you able to be that good all the time?) or we can accept our need for an intercessor because living by law makes us fail every single day. Living by the law makes us finger pointers or with a sense of failure in light of those that live better than we do. Comparison is lethal!  There is also the believer, the hopeful believer that there is more to this story of God, and we believe, deeply or sort of, but it really isn’t a defining part of our lives. We may attend church sporadically, or maybe just the major ones (just in case) we may feel guilty on those occasions, because what if it actually matters? (this was me my whole life, fear and guilt but no real foundation or relationship to that weird place). Or we can be the rejector’s because God wasn’t the genie we wanted Him to be. We wanted to not have to suffer,  even though He did for us. He never said it would be easy, He just said you will never be alone in it.

My story, which I share openly, was that I found God at the bottom of me. I was suicidal, going through empty nesting and divorce. I was tired of living this hard, hard life and not finding any absolution, more than that, not finding love and acceptance. Depleted from striving for all that I felt, in the end, I had failed at, mostly love. I had no sense of belonging to this world. When you have decided that people or success are your mirror of who you are, how you are, there is not a good enough human able to fill that void!  It was all so heavy within my spirit, too heavy. The day I planned my suicide was the day God took me out of the wilderness and set my feet into His Glory instead.
Instead of taking my life that night, which was perfectly planned, I broke. I broke and cried from the depth of my soul. It was a cleansing with Him. He replaced the betrayals, the abuse, the hopelessness, the guilt, the shame, the fear, the empty with His light of hope; Hope beyond all Hope. I found acceptance and freedom from a life of lies and betrayals, hurts and failure.

There was, in that waking up the next day, a joy and a hope for sure, but more than that, His light was in my face. Like Moses. My life didn’t suddenly become so wonderful. Not even close. I have suffered incredibly in the 10 years since I found a hand to grasp, a hope to hang on to and a peace that absolutely sits in me, even in the worst of times. When my son was lost in his addiction, I had peace. When I married a conman and learned a thousand lessons, I had hope. When I lost loved ones, I had a joy that no one can explain, because they went home to be with the Lord.  Let’s get this right, right now. Not in any, not one, of my trials did I behave perfectly, saintly, without sin nor was I not humbled, convicted, in need of laying at the foot of the cross. But I was able to do that, go to Him, fully exposed, no lies between us, no pride,  knowing I was welcomed and set free from any bondage from those choices, though they cost me.  I was free and still accepted by my God, because of the blood of Jesus. Every. Single. Time. That my friend is what being a Christian is about. Surrender and Hope. Learning and growing. Seeking and finding.

This light that shines so brightly on my face is because I have been in the presence of God Himself. Because He dwells within me.  His word lights up my face. Worshipping Him lights up my face. Prayer lights up my face. Because my heart is set on Him and not me. That is where the light is found. Him. Not me. Not because of me. But because of Him. Just Him.

 

Exodus 34:29-30,34-34
The Radiant Face of Moses
29 When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. 30 When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him. 34 But whenever he entered the Lord’s presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, 35 they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the Lord.

Proverbs 27:19
As in water face reflects face,[like a mirror] So the heart of man reflects man.

Matthew 5:14-16
14 You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

John 8:12
Jesus, the Light of the World
12 Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

Psalm 119:105
105 Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.

John 1:5
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

1 John 1:5-9
This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Luke 11:34-35  (AMP)
34 The eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is clear [spiritually perceptive, focused on God], your whole body also is full of light [benefiting from God’s precepts]. But when it is bad [spiritually blind], your body also is full of darkness [devoid of God’s word]35 Be careful, therefore, that the light that is in you is not darkness.

Revelation 21:23
23 And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb.

Psalm 119:130
130 The unfolding of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.

 

Help My Unbelief

11 Feb

I recently wrote a bible study for a group of strong, wise women, leaders. In the writing of this, I was not really writing about what I fully know but rather what God knows and what I understand Him to be saying. His nature, His being, His qualifications. I really didn’t grasp the depth of what I was writing at the time. Truth be told, I will probably never fully grasp it all.  Sometimes God just writes through me. I just obey.

I have been drawn to Psalm 139 since my mother was passing a few months past. I would read it to her, that and several others. Psalm 139 has come to my heart a few times since. I woke this morning with this scripture on my heart. More specifically the question “do I really believe God is who He says He is?”

Omnipresent and Omniscient. Two big words at the very top of this scripture.  All knowing and all being. The understanding that God is in everything and everywhere at all times. That he is not away from me. Not ever. Nor is ever away from those that would be my enemy but also claim faith in Him. He is never away from them either.

That he knows every single thought before I am aware of them myself. (Do my thoughts always match what my words speak? Oh my friend, absolutely not. )

Omnipresent. Meaning His presence is never apart from me; Never apart from me. Not one moment have I been alone, ever.

As a Christian, we can gloss over this and say “of course, I believe this to be truth”. But last night the question came up “But do you really?”  Do I? If I believe that He is omnipresent, how could I ever feel alone or lonely.  If He is all knowing, all being, all powerful (Omnipotent). Sovereign over all and I believed Him, I would never fear, never feel alone, never be prideful, never be reactive to circumstances. I wouldn’t make bad relationship choices. I would be… like Him.

How many times in my life have I cried out from loneliness, felt too alone, felt separated, isolated? What did I feel isolated from?   How many times have I been so self-sufficient that I stood in my own sorrow, my own suffering, my own fears, rather than grasp hold of His nearness at all times.

He is near to us,  always. The truth in that then is that we just don’t draw near to Him.

Oh how my unbelief is evident in so many ways. It is not a lack of God. It is not a lack of trust. It is a lack of belief. You can’t trust what you don’t believe in. So the truth is, and this rocks me to my soul; I don’t, at the core, believe it all.  Isn’t that a shattering thought?

Christians, like all people struggle, with truth, with our quest to understand God and how it all applies to us. We struggle with our belief. That however, doesn’t change Him in any way.

Growing in our understanding, in our submission, in our belief and our faith is a journey. More times than not, because of my openness about my Christian journey, more is expected of me. To be less of a work in progress than I am.  To be without stumbles and hard times. As much as I am in the deep end of seeking, I am still at the core, ego. I will still try to do this my way. My unbelief will be exposed over and over to me, us.

However, as we learn and grow, layers of misguided thoughts, or ways that we have learned that are not His ways, get shed from us, we become more submitted to Him.

Mark 9:23-24  Jesus said to him, “What do you mean ‘if’? If you are able to believe, all things are possible to the believer.” When he heard this, the boy’s father cried out with tears, saying, “I do believe, Lord; help my little faith!” (The Greek is “I do believe; help my unbelief.”)  What a beautiful example of humility and submission. We that can’t, ask the One that can. The One that will.

As I realize my lack, my unbelief, the beauty is, I know He knows and is waiting for me to simply ask. The more submitted I become, the more freedom and joy I have. Less of me and more of Him is not a decision. It is a work that He promises to finish in me, over a lifetime of lessons and opportunities, trials and joys.

Oh Lord, help my unbelief today. Amen.

Psalm 139 (AMP)God’s Omnipresence and Omniscience.

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do];
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue [still unspoken],
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And [You have] placed Your hand upon me.
Such [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high [above me], I cannot reach it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will take hold of me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will cover me,
And the night will be the only light around me,”
12 Even the darkness is not dark to You and conceals nothing from You,
But the night shines as bright as the day;
Darkness and light are alike to You.

13 For You formed my innermost parts;
You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was being formed in secret,
And intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were appointed for me,
When as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape].

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I could count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 a]O that You would kill the wicked, O God;
Go away from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20 For they speak against You wickedly,
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect and utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

23 Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts;
24 And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

Footnotes:  In the first eighteen verses of this psalm, the psalmist acknowledges that God knows everything that the psalmist ever does, no matter when or where he does it. Although God’s vast knowledge of an individual’s deeds can be reassuring for the righteous, it should be frightening for the wicked.