Tag Archives: brokenness

Truth

16 Feb

“Follow your heart” “God would want you to be happy” “You deserve to be happy”.

These are the lies of the world. We have become an emotion led world and God’s truth is the opposite of that. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool” (Proverbs 28:26) and “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9).

God doesn’t want us to be miserable! True! It isn’t about how we feel. It is about HIM. He wants us to trust Him. To submit to His will for our lives and when we do that, when we are close to Him, in relationship with Him, when our “hearts” are aligned with His and we are obedient, then we know the truest form of contentment, peace and joy. It is the byproduct of that relationship. To be accepted fully, to be loved unconditionally, to be protected and to be made whole. To be washed of our sins, to be free of shame and guilt. To be set free from envy or comparison. To be set free of the lies this dark world tells us.
When we sit before God and confess all that he already knows, when our broken lives become our testimony of faith, we are fully walking in truth,with Him.we are free. Free from the bondage of our emotions. Free to love from His love. It is beyond joyful.

When we get to this place of peace, that satan really wants to rob us of, we see. I have sat in this place of seeing how fully loved and accepted I am by God and nothing else matters. I just wish I wasn’t this hormone/emotional girl and walking in the world that distracts me so much! I am so wishy washy. So fragile and weak.

Like Isaiah in 6:1-6, if only we could all have that moment of truth of facing ourselves. To stand before God and see our dark, ugly soul, in contrast to His pure holiness. we would be so repentant. We can be that repentant now. To own our sin, and to face God and know, KNOW how much He loves us. Because that is His nature.

If God isn’t enough, if we must lie to feel loved, if we must lie to feel accepted. If we must find love in the arms of a person,or the latest toy or item, or drink…. if we seek to make ourselves happy. So much of this for me not to include this: this is to my church families that are under attack: if we divorce and tell God the one He gave us to seek holiness with isn’t good enough, that we deserve happiness instead, breaking our covenant. We are fully breaking our promise to God. If we seek to please ourselves, and refuse to hear God’s word, we have turned a hard heart to one another, we have turned a heart of stone to Him.

We are in a me first culture. A constant need for more, for not being uncomfortable. Pleasure only!

Look at Jesus on the cross. He suffered. Look at his holy mother at his feet. If it was about happy and being comfortable. This would not be the most important visual of our truth. Amen.

Father please forgive me my wishy washy faith. Forgive me my emotional sin. Forgive me my lack of truth and my adultery of faith in you. You are not always my rock that I stand on. Thank you for your persistent pursuit of me, for your unending love and for loving such a broken mess as me. Amen.

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Hope

3 Dec
I saw and felt the hand of God today. He moved in our church in a powerful way and when He moves a body of the church, it is palpable and just moves me so much. The message was so relevant and powerful.  When He is so present, so overwhelming in His power, it wakes us up. We come back to Him.

There has been so much sin against God, and so many of us (mainly women and kids) have suffered from covenants broken with God, with us. Families are being torn apart by sin. Satan has been working overtime these days. He knows his time is coming to an end and he is working overtime. 

Even as I love my Father,my savior, my Him so much, even as I climb into my faith…I see so much weakness in my trust. I have so much brokenness in me; Cracks.
Logically, I have amazing wisdom that He has shown me. Growth that should be evident at all times, but it isn’t. Applying it fully, owning it and knowing it to be yours are not as easy. Flesh makes faith so difficult, emotion makes it so hard. The liar, Satan, capitalizes on that weakness. 
When someone does something that is obviously outside God’s word, it is easy to focus on their sin. In the end, it isn’t about them, it is about us. We must, must, must remain in the word, even when we don’t feel  Him or feel the emotion or connection to it. We must be transparent in our own shakiness of faith.  We must seek the Holy Spirit; Our Counselor, guide, Truth teller, our compassionate friend. He holds us when we seek Him. He protects us from becoming too out of reach, too bitter, too angry, too selfish, too hurt, too scared, too weak.
Today I am eyes opened, and fully humbled before him. I have always promised to be transparent in my walk. Truth is, I have been very strong in my walk through divorce and I have been completely a hot mess of sin in it. I have hated, I have gossiped,I have judged and I have bore resentment. I have felt very sorry for myself.
I see my own sin, my own discouragement, my own need for the helper, the counselor, the convictions. My own struggles with my faith, my Holy Spirit relationship. I have shut down in a way I never have before in my life, especially since I found the Holy Spirit in the first place. I have allowed Satan to tell me I am worthless, not lovable, that my love was not good enough, that I am not good enough and I wasn’t worth the same forgiveness and efforts I gave.
In the end, isn’t that saying Christ isn’t enough? Isn’t that calling Him a liar? Isn’t it saying I am so powerful, that I was the reason it all was such a mess, so hard?
 
The truth is, at times, I don’t trust God. Truth is, at times, I feel He didn’t protect me enough, that the Holy Spirit didn’t speak to me loudly enough. That I caused and deserved what happened.

This broken world can just be too much sometimes and I can become so weary, but today.. I was reminded that I am whole in Him, I can feel this broken, this beaten, this lost and still be held so close. He is holding me so tightly and I have been so lost in my own suffering to see Him. He told us we would suffer!  He also gave us all the tools, all the directions, all the promises and everything we would need to remain strong and full of His light. After all, in the end, it is all about Him, it is all for His glory. 

The truth;  The covenant was broken with God, more than with me. Truth is, my love was very real. My covenant was whole and unbroken. I am still His, and honored Him.  The truth is, He is bringing people beside me, people that are building me up. I found myself alone here without family, barely knowing anyone and suddenly I am surrounded by women that love on me, men that encourage me and kids that need me. He is everywhere…. I am just not seeing it, not believing in it. I am not trusting Him with my heart. I put the brokenness of man on Him. Blamed Him for our fallen nature.

He is enough. He is more than enough. He is everything.  When I am weak, He is strong. He is everything He promises and more.

This is my Christmas wish. To unwrap this gift and put it on and to never take it off again. To be so solid in my faith that I never waiver, never get shook. Truth is, if I did that, I wouldn’t be me. I am like Peter. But our love is pure for Christ. If I was so put together in my faith, I wouldn’t be able to be just like the rest of the broken world. I wouldn’t be the light of hope that we can be so in need of Him at all times, in all circumstances, and to remain so vigilant. Transparent. Hopeful.

God with us, Emmanuel.

John 16:7 (AMP)

But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the [a]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

Acts 2:24-28

24 But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him. 25 David said about him:

“‘I saw the Lord always before me.
    Because he is at my right hand,
    I will not be shaken.
26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest in hope,
27 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    you will not let your holy one see decay.
28 You have made known to me the paths of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence.’[e]