Tag Archives: But God

A New Song

16 Apr

Sunshine upon my face, the raindrops have gone away
It feels so good to be free
With You I’ve found a way, to overcome all the things
That hold me down, that keep me down away from You
~Caleb Rowden

Another plane, another journey.

As I listen to my music on this flight, I reflect on the many flights I would spend with my head pressed against the window, tears streaming down my face. It was dreaded quiet time, forced time in my head, a place I spent as little time as possible in that season.

Reflecting as lyrics of praise lift me up and fill me with my now ever present peace; I realize music has always been here, season to season, from sad songs to dance. These days my genre of choice is christian music, which also reflects where my mind is at these days.

What a journey this has been. What a ride the past 6 years have been. Broken to new, lost to so sure, sorrow to joy.

My heart was broken back then. I had no love in my life. Not even for myself.
How great is the love I found in that loveless state? Crazier still is that I found the Love of all Loves when I fell in Love with Jesus.

To be sure, the journey was still mine to walk, the valleys were still there and I had to walk through them. But! He brought such amazing friendships to walk beside me. Some to challenge me, some to teach me and some to encourage me. The deeper I went in my faith, the deeper those God-inspired friendships went, teaching me about abandon, trust and faith.

Though I knew His greatness and power, though I had walked through great darkness at times only to be so incredibly blessed on the other side. Though I could literally feel the Holy Spirit beside me at time…I still forgot. I still panicked, still doubted.

What I never want to forget is that during the hardest moments, that is when I knew He was beside me; I grew so calm during the hardest moments in my walk. Music is a great reminder. A song can take me back to a place. Like now.

I find it inspiring to look back, to see what I have walked through, how God’s faithfulness never ceases and He fulfills every promise. People cannot do that. We are just not perfect enough.

I didn’t become better, or righteous, I simply surrendered it all; My hurt, my sense of failure, my lack of hope, my disappointment in people, my self-sufficiency, my self-blame and self loathing. I was empty.

It was then that I was able to let go and let God begin to change me. Not the people around me, not my circumstances, not give me everything I wanted but to change the way I saw the world, change the way I processed life and emotion, change my awareness.

I began to have moments of super natural understanding, which goes so much deeper than anything I could do myself.

My sinful nature is still with me. Certain sin fell away when love replaced the destructive lies. I believe without our sin, we would forget our need for humility and Christ. We will never be able to be sinless. Only He could do that.

Singing a new song, listening to a new genre, there are no more tears on planes. There is no fear. There is hope. I am not always happy, but I am always hopeful. Life is really hard at times, but this is temporary. A drop in the bucket of eternity and the fulfillment of the greatest promise ever!

That’s my song from here on out.

Psalm 96
1 Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.

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Why Faith?

18 Sep

I don’t for one second believe in Karma or in the universe’s ability to sling back to me what I put out there. Why, oh why, would I want to go back to the idea that we get what we deserve? Worse, the lie that we ultimately have control over what happens to us.

Stand in front of a tornado and tell me you can control the path it takes. If it hits your home, did you put something out in the universe that drew that tornado to you? Watch your child die from disease. You would gladly change places, if you could, but you cannot control these things. Tell me that this beautiful child is dying because of something they did wrong. That you or they deserve it, if you believe in Karma.

We are built to worship something. There has to be something we can turn to, beyond the worldly possessions and heartaches. We can try to fill that void with relationships, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, popularity… Or is life simply about learning to let go of the illusion we have control and learn to leap into the vast and amazing life of Faith… to lean in to something bigger than ourselves?

The message I learned growing up in the Catholic Church is that constant repentance was called for, but ultimately, you would never really be good enough to achieve Heaven. Pergatory, yes, but not heaven. So if we get what we deserve, (Karma) you can get to heaven by being a good person. How good do you have to be to get in and how bad do you have to be to not get in?

Where does the line of Grace begin, where does Mercy start? If God is perfect (Good) and Satan is Evil (Bad) where is the line between the two? And who has the authority to decide that?

Divorce for me was a catalyst for intense change within myself. I had to want to die, to actually find Him. I had to go through so much loss to lose myself to Him. To give up the idea that I had the ability to steer my life and keep myself afloat. I didn’t…including my sin.

We will all go through suffering; Intense pain and suffering. We will lose loved ones and we will face illness in one way or another. People will let you down and you will screw up. We will have trials beyond our ability to control.

Did you do that to yourself? Maybe instead, it is the realization that it is all bigger than us. It is far more difficult to surrender to God than to simply say.. Karma is a bitch. Surrendering and saying “God..Walk me through this journey of pain, I trust you; Teach me, mold me,make me the instrument of Your love, Your light for this dark world. ”

Surrender: v. without object to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.
n.the act or an instance of surrendering.

The key to faith is surrender,not being perfect;not being good, not being without sin. I reached out to Jesus and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior as a young woman. I was saved! I had that kernel of knowledge. That HE was who He said He was. He brought me through all the ups and downs of life without demanding attention. But.. there comes a time when He will shake things up. His timing.

The truth is, I operated from a “good people get what they deserve, bad people get what they deserve” perspective. Sadly, we all have our flaws. So, again… who decides that line, what is good enough?

Jesus had plans for my journey. I was a woman that had things under control. I raised 6 kids. I was strong! He came in and like Job, allowed my life to turn upside down. My world spun out of control. I was scared and lost. It was more than I could bear. And there He was! Just like that. A presence that was felt so near. I could literally feel Him;Intensely.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by strong, loving, Christian women. He made me new. I didn’t repent of all my sins. He removed them from me, He is still removing them or showing them to me. I learn more and more, every day. My idols are shown to me in new ways. He teaches me. I needed Him then and I need Him now. I could not have done that.

When I surrendered, I knew that I had reached the end of hope, the end of my ability to make my life work. I was a good person, I still am. I am also a sinner. I am a person that needs Christ. I can’t be perfect. I can’t do right all day, every day. My thoughts betray me. I am so aware of my need for Christ because I cannot be good enough on my own, to earn all that Heaven holds for me. His Grace and Mercy are absolutes in my life, the cornerstone for who I am and how I walk this world. I have to trust His promises that I am saved or I have no hope. He doesn’t lie.

My journey with Christ is what I know. I know who HE has been with me, for me, near me, beside me, in me. I am not capable to make the changes in my heart that He has made. He dwells there and because I accepted that He loved me enough to die for my sins, the bridge between my sin and God has been placed. I am grateful, reverently aware of Him and my heart overflows with abundant love.

It is not about my sin, because of Grace. It is about Jesus. But God, because I absolutely can’t on my own.

John 3:16-18 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

Standing in the way

19 Aug

Standing in the way
By Beckie Halaska

Standing in the way of your amazing grace.
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

I know your words like the back of my hand,
I can bring them to their knees as I cry out in prayer
I can teach a mighty thunder and rebuke in your name

I can’t feel you, find you, hear you.
I am
Standing in the way of your amazing Grace
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

I see my reflection in the mirror cast with shame
I see your hands through the veil of self hate
The lies are the words that I hear more than all

I am screaming with no sound
I am
Standing in the way of your amazing Grace
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

You sculpted me from nothing and nothing remained
I was formed by your love, but where are you now?
Tainted by the sins of evil and lies, empty hands clenched tight to nothing at all

I am
Standing in the way of your amazing Grace
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

You say you love me with everlasting love. Drawn me with unfailing kindness
You see my heart, and know my shame
Reach in and tear open the oozing wound sewn shut

I am
Standing in the way of your amazing Grace
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

But God: Love me where I cannot love. Speak to my heart where I cannot hear.
Shatter the scepter of lies I give Satan

So I am no longer
Standing in the way of your amazing Grace
Staring from the shadows at the foot of the cross.

Ephesians 5:29, Ephesians 2:10, Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 41:13, 1 john 4:19, Romans 8:35-39, Ephesians 3:19

But God!

25 Jun

HIS words, not his words,not her words, not our words.

But God…
But God says I am wonderfully made
But God says I am his prize
God gives us all we need. Even scripture to back up His promises and to show how much He loves us!

But God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even though we were dead in transgressions, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you are saved

But God said, You are made new! You are not the past.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
But God said… You are now Holy because you believe!
1 Peter 1:16 (NIV) for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
But God said, I am enough! I am all you need.
Psalm 16:5 (NIV)Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
But God said, don’t look there.. look here! Renew your mind but hearing me!
Romans 12:2 (NIV)Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
But God said, you are wanted, you are my prized and cherished prince and princess!
1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
But God said, hey! I made you just the way you are, I don’t make mistakes, be strong in that.
Ephesians 2:10(NIV)For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
But God said, Wipe those tears. You are not alone, I dwell within you. You are strong!
1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV)Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
But God said You are a child of God.
John 1:12 (NIV) But to all who have received him–those who believe in his name–he has given the right to become God’s children
But God said you are a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ’s life.
John 15: 1, 5 (NIV) I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me–and I in him–bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing
But God said you are a friend of Jesus.
John 15:15 (NIV) I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father
But God says.. I have been justified and redeemed.
Romans 3:24 (NIV) But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus
But God said, I am adopted as His child, I am a fellow heir with Christ.
Romans 8:17 (NIV) And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)–if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him
But God said, I have been accepted by Christ.
Romans 15:7 (NIV) Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God’s glory
But God says I am wise and beautiful
1 Corinthians 1:30 (NIV) He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption …
But God says, I am not alone, the Holy Spirit dwells in me.
1 Corinthians 6:17 (NIV) But the one united with the Lord is one spirit with
But God says, don’t let the cruelty and heart ache of this world define you. That has been set free by Christ!
2 Corinthians 3:14 (NIV) But their minds were closed. For to this very day, the same veil remains when they hear the old covenant read. It has not been removed because only in Christ is it taken away
But God said You now share the righteousness of God in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God
But God says that I am no longer under anyone’s rule but his and I am His child and an heir.
Galatians 4:7 (NIV) So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God
But God says!!! I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:3 (NIV) Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ
But God says!!! I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God.
Ephesians 1:4 (NIV) For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love
But God said! I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ.
Ephesians 1:7 (NIV) In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace
But God said, I picked YOU! This is all for you.
Ephesians 1:11 (NIV) In Christ we too have been claimed as God’s own possession, since we were predestined according to the one purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will
But God said that YOU have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.
Ephesians 1:13 (NIV) And when you heard the word of truth (the gospel of your salvation)–when you believed in Christ–you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit
But God said, Who cares who breaks promises here. I never break mine!
Ephesians 1:13 (NIV) And when you heard the word of truth (the gospel of your salvation)–when you believed in Christ–you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit
But God said I am mercy and love, You are made alive with Christ.
Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV) But God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even though we were dead in transgressions, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you are saved
But God promises that I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ.
Ephesians 2:6 (NIV) … And he raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus …
But God says, HUSH! Don’t listen to the criticism..YOU are God’s workmanship created to produce good works.
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them
But God says.. You are MINE by the blood of Christ.
Ephesians 2:13 (NIV) But now in Christ Jesus you who used to be far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ
But God said, Look around, you aren’t alone! You are surrounded by your whole body of believers..
Ephesians 5:30… The Gentiles are fellow heirs, fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus
But God says.. No! I didn’t make you weak! I made you STRONG! I am HERE!
Ephesians 3:12 NIV… In whom we have boldness and confident access to God because of Christ’s faithfulness
But God says.. He guards my heart and mind.
Philippians 4:7 (NIV) And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus
But God says.. I got this!! I will take care of all you need.
Philippians 4:19 NIV And my God will supply your every need according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
But God says here, here is this beautiful jacket I a made just for you. Because you are my beloved.
Colossians 3:12 NIV Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience
But God loves me and has chosen me.
1 Thessalonians 1:4 NIV We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you
But God says.. I made you in MY image.
Genesis 1:27 (NIV) So God created mankind in his own image,in the image of God he created them;male and female he created them.
But God says, I loved you so much, I longed for you’re here, I let my Son die so we can be together.
1 Peter 1:18 (NIV)For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors,
But God says.. Hear Me! You are strong in me, you are beautiful and designed by me.
2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV) That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
But God said, why are you looking down! I designed you! I pursue you all the time!
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV) For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your book,before one of them came to be.
But God said. Do not worry about a thing! Read this promise from me to you! I got this!
Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
But God said! I am enough for you!
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
But God said, let go. Surrender to me. I will take care of you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “
But God said, You are precious! Yet you let doubt in. I won’t let you down!
Matthew 10:31 (NIV) So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.