Tag Archives: christianity

Right Place, Right Time

18 Oct

This afternoon is just one of many examples in my life of God’s perfect timing bumping up against my ego.

I was busy doing what I do well. I was getting things done. I was on a roll, “in the zone” so to speak. I still had a lot to finish and then…I had an interruption to that rhythm. Truth is, I was kind of put out by it.  To make me sound even worse, it was to meet with a family to discuss end of life options.  Ugh.
I  had to stop what I was doing, alter my plans, only to arrive at bedside to find a nurse has already joined the family.  I was not needed,after all.

Well, as you can imagine, that went over super well in my spirit. Outwardly, I had a smile on my face as I typed the finding in an email, with emphasis.

I, in my “must get back on track”, so important,  hurrying back to my car to get on with my day, nearly passed by an open door; my next interruption.

She only said “hello Beckie”. I almost just said hello, but backed up and stopped to chat for just a moment. I don’t know why, but I truly felt pulled back to the door. As I stood there, I felt the prompting to really be there, to be completely present. It took a moment for me to hear Him tell me to listen. As the chit chat turned to a heart talk, I realized God tangibly had moved into the room and we were sharing a very important discussion. My being there, to listen, to hear her and to pray with her, was an absolute divine appointment. I know it blessed her, but I cannot tell you how much it blessed me.

I was so grateful and humbled. Believe me when I tell you, I had to fall a good ways, in that moment, to hit my knees in awe of Him.  (Dang!  I really started this day so strong in Him!)

The truth is, we all get busy, we all have interuptions. We get rushed and interruptions do frustrate us in our hurried days. We do tend to take ourselves, and our time, way too seriously.

But, when God says stop, when He says, “feed my sheep”, He will put you there, even if you go kicking and screaming.

Much like my Jonah study, He will make sure you obey, especially when it isn’t about you. Now the choice you have is to do it right away, or from the belly of a big fish.

Happily, I listened. Happily, I was there to hear the pouring out of a heart in need.

Thank you, God for being so wise, so right and so perfect in your plans. One day, I hope I learn that this huge, amazing, wonderful, blessed life isn’t really coordinated by me and most certainly isn’t really about me at all!

  Remember what it says:

“Today when you hear his voice,
    don’t harden your hearts
    as Israel did when they rebelled.”

Hebrews 3:15

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Grace

19 Sep

Grace. What a powerful word.

There is a calling on each of our lives, plain and simple.

When we mature in our faith, and walk in Grace, we walk with The Lord and we are the light that shines hope. When we forgive, (because we are instructed to forgive), and offer grace to someone that by the worlds standards, we should despise and reject, we are heeding our call to  ‘lead like Jesus’.

In the process of grieving my short marriage, I often asked God why?  I have grown to understand, what He reminds me of; There is not one moment in our lives that has not come through God’s hands. Even betrayals (and hurricanes) have been allowed for reasons only He knows and understands.

Only because of His incredible mercy towards me, His healing in my heart, have I found peace.  Grace and Mercy through forgiveness that is not really possible without the fullness of God in our hearts.

There is something about seeing the full power of God coming straight for you that changes everything. What is good and righteous, surfaced within me.  It was purged through raw grief which poured from the deepest part of me. As quickly as it began, it healed, and it healed swiftly. My soul was raw and opened up to His final healing.

When you extend mercy and kindness to someone that caused anguish in your heart it is obviously God. Knowing Him, seeking Him, being surrounded by wise women that walked with me through the valley, all pointed me straight on the path He laid before me. I am so grateful for the peace found there.

Here is the important lesson: as with all trial, this wasn’t just meant for me.  As we grow in our faith, we realize that whatever we walk through, truly is meant to shine the light of Hope to one or many. My grappling attempts, my moments of humanness, are elementary, as common as the darkness in this world and they don’t heal.

But God! He placed his supernatural healing in my broken heart because He needed me to be the light for a soul that is lost.  Grace shown and shared with someone that harmed us is a powerful healer. For both.

In the end, nothing we endure is just meant for us. With God leading us, we will be shown beautiful mercy in our trials when we focus on shining His light. What we journey through is meant to bless the broken with hope, to be the beacon of possibility to a lost and broken world.

When we are well on our journey of faith, we know our lot is already secure and we know who has us, who holds our future. We may get tossed a bit, but we remain steady in the end. We know the outcome.

When we let that Grace fill us to overwhelming joy, it spills over and pours out on everyone. No matter the circumstances, no matter the trial; That just builds more joy.

Thank you, Jesus.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deedsand glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  Matthew 7:1

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14

Peace In The Void

24 Jul

Have you ever had to walk only by faith in God’s promises because you can’t see or feel Him? Worse yet, a time when you need God most and He chooses to step His presence away?

C. S. Lewis stated “during one of the most painful times of my life, I cried out to God and got… a door slammed in [my] face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become.”    He wrestled with his faith, this man that gave us a glimpse of light in his words.

He added: “There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once… Why is God so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of need

Walking through such a time myself, I praise God for writers that share their testimony or the bible with stories of Joseph, and David. The sharing of testimonies help us relate and help us walk this life, including heartbreaking times in our journey where He simply doesn’t feel present.

I recently walked through a time feeling the void where God had been steady. I really had to dig deep in my faith and examine what I really believe.

He calls us to constantly grow in knowledge and strength of faith so we are better equipped to do His calling on our life. Our faith is not by sight and our faith will be tested and stretched fully. This time of void, where I can’t feel Him or find Him has been the greatest, hardest lesson of all for me.

He chose for me a time when I was already experiencing aloneness physically, and the loneliness of my divorce.  He decided to use this time to step back His presence. This void felt so devastating, cruel even. Yet, even as I could not find Him, I knew He was there, as if behind the door. I had to strain to find grace, strain to remain in His mercy. I had to work through deep anger at this abandonment, fear of rejection by Him.  I had to really stretch to draw nearer to Him and understand the blessings of grace even in this moment of empty.  I had to know His love remains. Grace is grace. It isn’t dependent upon our circumstances nor our sin.

Grace and God remain steady regardless of our feelings.

Learning to trust that He is still there because He says He is, I held tight to His word in my heart. I began to see Him everywhere, though I still didn’t “feel” Him. He was there in the sunrise and sunset.

I cannot find adequate words to describe this time. It was so lonely, so powerful in that I longed for Him in a way I never have and yet even in that longing, I was confident that He was there.

This was His great purpose for teaching me; Growing and developing my confidence in Him so I can be better prepared to fulfill His purpose for my life.  His refinement of my past, my belief of my worthiness for this journey, removal of all works based religion and the lies of the enemy.

This time. ‘A time such as this’,  there is a sense of peace from this growth. He promises us that joy comes after pain. He reminds us in His word, that hope lives on. We are here but a moment of time, like the wind. He remains. He is always there is the midst of darkness and trial as much as He is there in the mundane. He always has been and always will be.

This journey of life will bring times of abundance and times of lack.  King Solomon summed it up best when He said nothing matters but God.  God remains the same regardless of our circumstances or sin. Whether this world loves us, leaves us alone, recognizes us or ignores us;  God never loses sight of us. We are always within His hands.

What immense peace it is to know that I can sit in the center of His amazing love, feeling the fullness of the hurts and sorrows, joys and triumphs of this life, knowing with all that I am, nothing compares to just simply being in His presence.

Jeremiah 23:23-24 tells us: “”Am I a God who is only close at hand?” says the Lord, “No, I am far away at the same time. Can anyone hide from me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens  and the earth?”says the Lord. “

 

Take Heart

19 Jun

There is a line in the movie “The Shack” that I really liked.  “Papa” is explaining what grace and trust look like when evil harms us; In those circumstances that we are collateral damage when someone’s free will results in grave sin.  “I am not asking you to excuse what he did. I am asking you to trust me to do what’s right and to know what’s best.”  He means inspite of what we see.  Forgive and trust God in all circumstances.

He knows our storms. He knows our sin and He knows the sins done against us. He is beside us, faithful, even when we can’t feel Him.

Faith is like a muscle. In our good times, our faith may not be getting a work out. Our gratitude may be strong, our worship may be strong but our faith truly is only tested in our trials.  Endurance is for the long term. Is faith really faith when the minute it gets painful, we fall apart?

Romans 5:3 tells us that our trials, through persevering, strengthens our character and builds us up in Hope.

He knows our circumstances and he knows our relationships. He knows where we are overwhelmed by the storms, uncertain how to navigate our way through. In Matthew 14:27 he says to Peter “Take heart; It is I. Do not be afraid”.   It is the middle of a storm, and the seas are raging, the disciples see the impossible, Jesus on the water. Peter, though he only had a small amount of faith, and probably a good dose of fear in that moment, was willing to trust and get out of the boat and walk to Jesus. “Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water: Jesus said “Come”.

Faith like that, faith that says “ok Lord, I am overwhelmed by the storms of my life right now, I long for answers that don’t come quickly.  I struggle to let go of the resolutions I planned for the outcomes you have planned. Lord, hold your hand out to me, help me find my way safely, and I will step out in faith”

How confident we can be friends, that He is there in the storms. In him we can find our peace, our hope, our courage. We can cry out “Father, our little faith can let us step out of our terror, even in the midst of storm, and walk on the water with you. You ask us to trust you, to take courage in you, in your presence, even when we don’t feel you near. You help us walk on the water in the storm.”

It is then that we find what cannot be found anywhere else. Peace that surpasses all understanding. Calm that belies the storms. Hope that even if it isn’t what WE planned, we know it will lead us to the exact place to bless us and to bless other’s with.

Lord you are just that amazing and good. Us of little faith, seek you and find you when we seek you with all of our hearts. Imperfect, scared to death, hurting and lacking in grace and mercy for other’s and for ourselves. We find perfect peace in all of that, the storms that this world brings.

Thank you, Father, for never letting me drown in this storm. Thank you for giving me the courage of Peter to step out in faith I don’t always feel!

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Matthew 14:27

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.Jeremiah 29:13

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b]boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:1-4

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:7

 

Dweller On The Threshold

29 May

As I watch and listen to the thunderstorm off in the distance, I am struck by the sheer peace I feel. It is the answered prayer we prayed for, my God-Given, God-Designed friend and I.

Peace was not what I felt earlier today. I was angry and the angrier I became, the more my heart broke and the harder I cried.  The unexpected end of my marriage followed by my daughter and grandson’s unexpected move out of state is a trial I tell myself deserves a bit of a good old fashioned meltdown.  I know other’s are suffering greater loss than I, and I feel so selfish in my pain. I do know however that pain, whether great or small,  is still covered in the same way.  Faith and hope in our Lord and Savior.

God shows off most to me in the friends He brings to my life.  My Bou as I call her (she calls me Blondie), prayed with me, talked with me, and spoke truth back into my soul.  Because He is a God of amazing abundance, three more friends checked in on me.  I see Him. I feel His provision and closeness.

The night is near pitch with only a sliver of a moon. The fish are jumping in the water next to me, the thunder rolls quietly after a beautiful lightning display, Van Morrison is singing to me quietly. I am just sitting here taking it all in.  Peace. Calm. He reminds me in no uncertain terms, that He is not just near, He dwells here.

This warfare wears on me; this world is broken, people will get sick, they hurt us, disappoint us and sometimes they leave us.  Those are the hard things that break us or make us stronger. The depth of my faith may be tested, but my faith stands strong. When we lean in, when we trust Him in it, we are humbled. We may not always calmly endure the journey through our valleys, but journeying through them all the way, with God beside us, allows us to grow stronger. We grow in our faith, wisdom, courage,and in the end, what is lost will not go without, because something truly is gained.

I am not through the valley yet, but the path is becoming clearer and I am starting to feel that hope begin to flicker again. God breathed daylight into me when he formed me and my light has grown dimmer, my hope weaker and my heart was heavy much of the time.

I know there is something coming, I feel it. I am being put to the fire to prepare me for whatever is to come. I know there is purpose to this time of refinement, of loss, pain and trial. There is a purpose and He plans to bless people with what is gained in this. I know this as much as I know the reflection of my own face.  This path may feel too hard at times, but he has given me great strength and I have grown so brave. This is the path He laid before me, and it is stick straight. I just can’t see ahead yet.

He beckons me to look inside my home from outside. I see what He wants me to see. There is restored peace in my home. Where there was dark, there is a warm glow. Where there was careful wariness, there is comfort. Where there was apprehension, there is calm.

This is a restoration of the peace that I haven’t rested in, in a very long time.

Weeping may last for the night, but there is a song of joy in the morning. Psalm 30:5b

Double Minded

20 May

I posted something on Facebook that touched me. This quote felt relevant to my studies, but also to where I am at in my trials.

Humility is perfect quietness of heart, It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.

– Andrew Murray

Someone responded from her heart the following statement. “I hope you can do this, but it’s just not me. I am a worrier. I’m trying to change that to a warrior!”

I wanted to respond with something powerful. Something God breathed. But I didn’t have any words.

The truth is, I long to be that;The truth is, I am not, not all the time. I have however, had enough of the taste for that peace that goes far beyond what my circumstances are, to long for it constantly.

James 1 speaks right to the truth for our Trials and our difficulties. He says to us (James 1:6-8) “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

The truth is: I do worry,  I do obsess, I do have war inside. I get lost in my mind. I cry out constantly to redirect my thoughts. The truth is, I am completely exhausted from the battle. Job cried out to God and I relate. “Surely, God, you have worn me out; you have devastated my entire household.” Job 16:7

If we could just unleash, in all circumstance, at all times, complete trust in the power that we have been given by the Holy Spirit; if we could simply stop being so double-minded and just dwell in that favor of strength, peace and hope at all times! Wow! Imagine all we could influence in this world of hopelessness and sorrow.

When God feels so far away and my mind betrays me with all that feels so wrong, I have allowed my worship and hope to be weak and given satan a front row seat in my boat.  I have forgotten every single promise and every single truth of who He is, who I am in Him. The fruits of faith that I have experienced and know so well.

When I am tossed about by fears, I have allowed satan access to my peace, my hope, my joy, my future.  He fills my mind with comparison, with feeling rejected and abandoned, I beat myself up over all that I should have done or could have done.  I become obsessed with the lies and betrayals. These are the exact opposite of the words of God. The world shreds us, Jesus refreshes our soul!

When we surrender all this junk that has us so torn up inside, He takes it. He just removes it.  We can’t stand not seeing into the future, we can’t trust an unknown future to our all knowing God. We think we need to fix it all because we don’t trust Him with our hearts, with our lives.  Humbly submitting this all to God is so brave and so difficult. It is so hard to relinquish our lives to Him.

Identifying this key decision I make to whom I am surrendering to, allows me the choice to make a different decision. I am not a victim tossed around like the waves. I am beheld by the one that makes the waves and calms the storms. Big difference.

I have known great peace in terrible trials, and I have seen God move mountains in my life. I have sat in wonder and awe at the great things He has done, the miracles I have witnessed, and the moments where I am struck by His obvious presence. Where I can say, “Oh, my soul, that was God!”.

I love God with all my heart, my mind and my soul. I am so grateful for the Grace and Mercy, bought by the blood of Christ for me! I am also keenly aware that my journey is not about earning anything. He knows my heart. This isn’t about failing in any way. He wants me to be stronger, more trusting, for so many reasons.

My Father wants to protect me, to provide for me, to give me peace in my circumstance, to keep my heart from breaking so much, to keep my spirit healthy, to keep me strong. He is there waiting to lavish all this and more on me, but mostly, He longs to have me near to Him, to worship Him, to humble myself to Him so I fully embrace and share the gifts that He has given me.  He longs to bless me because His blessings never just touch me. They flow through me and bless so many other’s. It is His way. Grace pours out so fully at times, it spills over on people that don’t even know Him at all.

So no. I don’t always have peace. I am not always humble. I do battle my ego and my fears.

But…. At the end of the day, I will always find my way back to Him that never leaves me, never forsakes me, never hurts me or lets me down. I will always long to be in the safety of His gentle arms, near to Him. I will always seek to worship Him fully, to know that He is near, to know it is Him that whispers in my ear, ‘You can do this. You can endure all things because I live inside your heart and I have made you victorious, strong, and courageous. And my beloved daughter, I love you dearly.  ‘

Leggo My Ego

16 May

Every day, as I head home, I begin to cry. I wonder what people on the road think of me as they pass.As the days turn into nights, my mind begins to betray me.
Thoughts of what if’s and why’s, my strength turns into insecurity
I wrestle with the words God says about me and who HE is, and begin to listen to other voices.The storm that I allow to be weakness in my heart leaves me wondering what I have done to deserve this.

In my study of Esther, I am realizing something so profound. I see no difference between pride and meekness or insecurity.  If you feel entitled to something you are either going to feel slighted or you are going to want recognition. It is ego. God will take you down from that mountain in a real hurry.  We either lament not having what we thought we deserved or we take credit for what we think we deserve.

Haman in Esther (Esther 6) was an insecure man that longed for recognition. He needed to puff himself  up with false pride and envisioned great honor for himself. He had a very dark heart, clouded by his own needs of entitlement. God humbled him in a moment.

Ego is a tool of Satan whether your ego is bruised or puffed up. You may not be arrogant; You may be insecure instead, but don’t think for a moment that this is humility. It is so ego driven, and because you think it isn’t self-centered, you may feed it more frequently than someone that is arrogant may. You may be easily offended, you may feel slighted more frequently, hurt deeper than most. You may focus more on what you are getting verses what you think you should be getting.

Humility is the opposite. Humility is only full of worship. Humility isn’t self-seeking in any way; It isn’t self-satisfying. Humility isn’t self-deprecating. It is a dying to self (ego)and knowing your worth. How we find true humbling of our self, is to look up to Him in full on worship and faith (obedience), regardless of where the latest trials or successes have taken you.

When you are truly humbled in your experience, though you feel the pain of trial,  you will know you are exactly where you are meant to be on this path of life. Humility let’s see that even though everything looks shattered and war torn, you can breathe. You can sigh deep within your heart and know, really know, that this is the plan. It is good.

It is painfully difficult but it is good.

Letting go of ego, starts with worship. If you read David’s words in Psalms, he often begins with statements of dire conditions and pain of heart. His circumstances are awful. But he turns to praise and worship of who God is.  I am turning to worship. I am worshipping Him for all He has planned and for all He is doing in my heart. He is removing all seeds of ego, He is replacing ego with humble and noble fearlessness*. He is reminding me of His powerful love and mercy. His Grace is pouring down on me in so many ways and when I am lost in ego, I miss it. I don’t want to miss that!

As a woman of faith, I have courage. In Him I can do all things for He gives me strength.  I am brave (in Him). I am strong (in Him). I am loved (by Him). I am purposeful (by Him). I am gifted (by Him). I am not alone (with Him).

I don’t have to earn anything. Not respect, not honor, not my place in Heaven. I am an heiress. I am in the will. It isn’t about what I do. It isn’t about my worth. It isn’t about me at all. It is who He is. It is what He has done. It is His love for me. I am worth more than rubies to him. I am His and He is mine.

Peace like a river. Even in the painful times. I trust in a perfect Father and believe Him and who He tells me He is. He is working out everything for my good. Yeah!

*Noble fearlessness is trusting in a higher purpose for every single what if, and why. The root work for noble in Hebrew is the same as Valor.

[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11