Tag Archives: family

Leggo My Ego

16 May

Every day, as I head home, I begin to cry. I wonder what people on the road think of me as they pass.As the days turn into nights, my mind begins to betray me.
Thoughts of what if’s and why’s, my strength turns into insecurity
I wrestle with the words God says about me and who HE is, and begin to listen to other voices.The storm that I allow to be weakness in my heart leaves me wondering what I have done to deserve this.

In my study of Esther, I am realizing something so profound. I see no difference between pride and meekness or insecurity.  If you feel entitled to something you are either going to feel slighted or you are going to want recognition. It is ego. God will take you down from that mountain in a real hurry.  We either lament not having what we thought we deserved or we take credit for what we think we deserve.

Haman in Esther (Esther 6) was an insecure man that longed for recognition. He needed to puff himself  up with false pride and envisioned great honor for himself. He had a very dark heart, clouded by his own needs of entitlement. God humbled him in a moment.

Ego is a tool of Satan whether your ego is bruised or puffed up. You may not be arrogant; You may be insecure instead, but don’t think for a moment that this is humility. It is so ego driven, and because you think it isn’t self-centered, you may feed it more frequently than someone that is arrogant may. You may be easily offended, you may feel slighted more frequently, hurt deeper than most. You may focus more on what you are getting verses what you think you should be getting.

Humility is the opposite. Humility is only full of worship. Humility isn’t self-seeking in any way; It isn’t self-satisfying. Humility isn’t self-deprecating. It is a dying to self (ego)and knowing your worth. How we find true humbling of our self, is to look up to Him in full on worship and faith (obedience), regardless of where the latest trials or successes have taken you.

When you are truly humbled in your experience, though you feel the pain of trial,  you will know you are exactly where you are meant to be on this path of life. Humility let’s see that even though everything looks shattered and war torn, you can breathe. You can sigh deep within your heart and know, really know, that this is the plan. It is good.

It is painfully difficult but it is good.

Letting go of ego, starts with worship. If you read David’s words in Psalms, he often begins with statements of dire conditions and pain of heart. His circumstances are awful. But he turns to praise and worship of who God is.  I am turning to worship. I am worshipping Him for all He has planned and for all He is doing in my heart. He is removing all seeds of ego, He is replacing ego with humble and noble fearlessness*. He is reminding me of His powerful love and mercy. His Grace is pouring down on me in so many ways and when I am lost in ego, I miss it. I don’t want to miss that!

As a woman of faith, I have courage. In Him I can do all things for He gives me strength.  I am brave (in Him). I am strong (in Him). I am loved (by Him). I am purposeful (by Him). I am gifted (by Him). I am not alone (with Him).

I don’t have to earn anything. Not respect, not honor, not my place in Heaven. I am an heiress. I am in the will. It isn’t about what I do. It isn’t about my worth. It isn’t about me at all. It is who He is. It is what He has done. It is His love for me. I am worth more than rubies to him. I am His and He is mine.

Peace like a river. Even in the painful times. I trust in a perfect Father and believe Him and who He tells me He is. He is working out everything for my good. Yeah!

*Noble fearlessness is trusting in a higher purpose for every single what if, and why. The root work for noble in Hebrew is the same as Valor.

[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose Romans 8:28

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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One Door Closes

25 Apr

I closed a chapter today.

I sent the “other woman” a letter. This will be my one and only contact of this woman. She is not really a part of my story.  If she knew about me, then I needed to forgive her. If she didn’t know about me, then she needed to know the truth. End of chapter.

What remains in my heart is this deep cry to the body. Cry to the church. Cry to my brothers! Cry to my sisters. Why? Why do you react so harshly to homosexuality and turn a blind eye to the friend engaging in porn? To your friend that sleeps around? To your friend that cheats? To divorce?

There is a war going on. Am I the only one seeing this? I am left to wonder ; Why isn’t my church body standing strong together, men helping men in their struggles with fidelity, with lust, with temptation that seems to be a struggle for the large part of the male church.

Women have so many opportunities to share their hearts. To be sharpened and encouraged by one another; To be supported, and held in times of trial and temptation.We sin in the same ways. I understand this but lust seems to be a stronghold for a vast majority of men.

Men of courage, step up, speak out, speak truth.  We need you desperately. We don’t need your opinion of other’s, we need your leadership and strength. We need your courage.

There is so much temptation, we need our men to help one another. We need the church to speak up about sexual sin and how weak the flesh is. We need to acknowledge that we are carnal, saved by Grace. We need the men of God to lead, support and encourage one another in truth. We women need to openly pray against the darkness that wants to separate.  We women need to pray together for the men of this world to step up. We need to pray for our hearts to be softened to being lead. Biblical leadership is beautiful. Honoring.

Lies cause us so much harm. The seeds of destruction begin with the smallest of lies. Truth is vital to having a relationship with Christ. Not because He expects it.  Satan has free access to all things kept in the dark. When we are truthful, we bring things into “the light”. The truth shall set you free truly means you let go of the bondage that a lie holds on you.

We are lying to ourselves when we look at things outside of ourselves. We can only truly be transformed, redeemed and made whole by Jesus Christ. One body for one Christ.

I long to see righteous men, rising up, leading by truth, love, mostly, by the Spirit. Lord ,I beg it of you. Teach us.

Keep in Step with the Spirit

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy,[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do[e] such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

My Christmas Wish

20 Nov

 

 The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. Proverbs‬ ‭11:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 



In my lifetime, like most, I have walked through pain and heartbreak. I have known pain that took my breath away; the kind of hurt that hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. Fortunately for me, it was in the darkest moments of my life that I found my lighthouse, my compass, my hope in God.

My Bible tells me that God loved us so much that he sacrificed his own son for us. When I think of my children, this humbles me; This is truly a love beyond anything I can imagine. His grace and mercy are as vast as the oceans.

I imagine as He watches us (nothing goes unnoticed) His heart must break. His pain and heartbreak must be constant. We have imagined that we are somehow so incredibly important. As if WE run the show. We are thoughtless and unkind, we are opinionated, we are selfish, we are hypocrites and yes, that is a blanket statement that actually applies.

We are here for such a short minute; some do great things, most just do their best. We matter for a blink of an eye, to only a few. Just a few generations actually will know us or remember us. But God will remember us always. He is and was and always will be. Satan will seek to keep you from Him and he is deceptive.

Ecclesiastes say “to everything there is a purpose under heaven”. What if we sought to learn and gain wisdom from one another rather than fight ? What if we stopped looking outward and started to look inward. Just because many agree on a matter, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.

Here is truth-and logic- when you have extreme positioning, the truth has been lost.
When I sit back and I think about what God says in Genesis, that he created us in his image, you have to pause and humble yourself for a minute and let that sink in.This means that all of us no matter our homeland, what we look like, whether we are born “different”, rich or poor, we were all made in his image. By design; In His own image.

I love my fellow mankind. I love those that have different beliefs than I. I love those that have different shades of skin tones. I love those that have different customs than I. I love those that hate and even those that hate while calling others hateful (they challenge me most). I can ONLY love when I lift my heart up to lightness rather than darkness. When I do that, everything is brighter, clearer, better.

We are the light-bearers or we should be. We are so blessed in this country. We have miles to go before we are perfect ( as individuals and as a collective whole) but that doesn’t mean we aren’t incredibly blessed. We have gotten so distracted by our discontent.

For me , I have divine peace and my hope is for heaven. When I get out of my way and allow God to press that on my heart, my whole world is bright and full of peace. Peace! We have to start with being quiet, being peaceful, start by inspiring hope in even one person.
If you want change: surrender and Do! In all due regards, Facebook posts do not change the world. Not this one – not any. We are just not that powerful.

This has been a draining year. We have our amazing season of hope and peace, Christmas.

Take time to pause, to consider, where does your peace come from. Find out what you truly believe in that and be that, from peace. When you know where your hope and peace come from, nothing in this world can change that. You become that.

I encourage you to find a cause: the vulnerable children adults and pets, poverty, immigrant needs, homelessness, sexual trafficking, addiction… whatever pulls your heart strings, and do that! You will become a better person, you will grow in ways you had no idea you could.

Let God break your heart for what breaks His heart and follow that call.Maybe we will stop breaking His heart so much. Maybe we truly can be the peacemakers, the peacekeepers.

““You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.” 

Proverbs‬ ‭11:25‬ ‭MSG‬‬

New Beginnings

20 Mar

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. ~ Philippians 4:4-9 NIV

It’s funny what we gain from being near to our loved ones physically, and how deeply separation affects us. This is not weakness in trial nor absence of faith. Our heart’s still feel love and mourn loss, because that is how we are designed.

My daughter is moving and taking my heart with her. This move towards the next phase in her life, the next page as a mother, is so painful, yet I know it is right. I am proud of her desire to challenge herself, to not settle, to achieve goals and do what is best for my favorite person in the world. Her move will bring him near to so much family and great male role models. Minnesota is a wholesome, fresh, healthy place to raise a boy such as my grandson. He will thrive there, in the place I love, but for me, I know, with all certainty, it is not God’s plan for me. So, I obediently stay where God has me, and trust His plan for my life.

Transition is so difficult, in a heart-wrenching, rip you to shreds, kind of way. Standing firmly in faith does not mean that we are not susceptible to grief, because honestly, my faith is so strong because of and through, my grief. This is trust at it’s greatest.

So I say goodbye for now and my heart breaks in two, feeling a bit alone here in Florida…and I cry out to Jesus, to my Father, to the Holy Spirit, to comfort me, to soothe my sorrow, and He is there. He comes swiftly and in ways that only He can. He brings me words, He brings me songs, He brings me His Peace,His Hope, His Joy, and I feel content. He is enough to satisfy me fully. He brings me hope even in the darkness. I can’t wait to see where His plan takes me, even through the tears.

This is my walk with Christ, this knowing. Knowing, even as I yearn to stay near to my daughter, nearer still, to my grandson, though it hurts, He has this. This isn’t me, going out on a limb and hoping I am right, this isn’t me believing what I am told, this isn’t martyrdom. This is complete knowing. Knowing my Lord and knowing this is the plan. Knowing the plan will unfold in His time, and trusting in Him, completely.

A friend told me it is my time; To walk alone, and to prepare my life for the next step in the journey.

They are beginning their new season. So am I.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart 
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

1 Peter 1:6 (CEV)
On that day you will be glad, even if you have to go through many hard trials for a while.

James 1:12 (VOICE)
Happy is the person who can hold up under the trials of life. At the right time, he’ll know God’s sweet approval and will be crowned with life. As God has promised, the crown awaits all who love Him.

Romans 12:12 (NIV)
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.