Tag Archives: fr

Just Him

19 Jun

I am not religious, I am on a journey. My journey is a growing journey, a path of Love; Of Peace; Of Hope; Of Joy.

I am sorry for every time you thought you were being hurt by the Christian and not the human. I am sorry people hurt others in the name of God when it truly is in the name of a cause or an ego. But you know, that people that hurt others are really hurting within themselves.

I am sorry if you were disillusioned, mislead or harmed by Religion; I was. It was the great lie of Should’s and Should nots. I didn’t know God. I didn’t understand Faith. I only knew I was unworthy. I thought you had to be “good” to get to heaven. Great question would be “how good do you have to be to get in?” I was never going to be good enough.

I love my Lord, my Rescuer, my Hope.. I love the Bible, it keeps me together and it is, to me, incredibly alive. I love Church, it lets me dig deeper; seek Him more. I am nourished and fed; I feel a sense of sameness, of oneness.

What I am not is perfect. What I am not is good enough for heaven. What I am not is Holy enough. I am only saved because of Grace; Forgiven not because I became holy but because I was struck by the amazing realization that inspite of how wrong I can get it, He died for me, he took pity on me and with Mercy for me, took my sin and suffered a horrible death for me.

I still mess up. I still have moments of weakness. I still get caught up in things that certainly don’t serve God. I have been attacked, lied about, judged. I am despised by some,even those that don’t know me. I am judged as holier than thou, yet I strive to wear my sin openly, strive to be transparent in my journey to become a light of God. What I desire is not your approval but for you to know the relationship I know with God. It is incredible. I didn’t become a religious person, the scales of blindness just fell away. Because I walk with Him every day, He changes me;there are things that become less important over time; other things that replace those that fall away.

There is a work going on inside my heart. I see this world with different eyes. It is this amazing journey of pride and rebelliousness to peace, loving gentleness and growing selflessness. Remain [in HIM} is a definition, a natural follow-up to the words ‘I do’ believe. It is a peace-filled passive term of acceptance AND a word that requires action. This development of relationship in which we, after receiving our salvation, need to grow in. Like any relationship, you don’t get to “acceptance” in one step. It is over time, over sorrows, over missteps, over hope. It is the building of a trusting relationship with God. It requires us to ebb and flow as we give and take back, seek and turn away, until we develop a deep and trusting, committed, and incredible relationship where we are almost walking a bit in Heaven everyday. And when we arrive at this amazing place, we can look back and see that He remained with us because we said I do.

This is my religion. There is nothing I fear. There is just hope, joy and incredible trust. There is just The Holy Spirit, My God and My Savior.

Nehemiah Everywhere

22 Aug

For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it.~ Job 33:14

July 4, 2012

Dearest friend,
I wonder if you could help me decipher my dream. I went to the house. My ex was there, we talked. Alot. We loved each other so much it was apparent. He showed me improvements. I saw the grandkids and broke down sobbing, in the sand was Nehemiah 1 , not sure what it said, but it was stamped over and over in the sand. All around the house. I am still crying, it was so real, so full of emotion. Does it mean something or is it just a really sad dream? Letting go more and more.

~ I just don’t know the significance of Nehemiah 1.

July 4, 2012

God is not done with your connection with your ex. You are to pray for him, for his salvation, for what Satan has knocked down of his own walls and the destruction that came to him and his household. You wept as Nehemiah wept over his home. You felt a great love for your ex in your dream. That love is what you need to pray about. You need to pray for him like you pray for other people. You need to pray for his life, the life of the children and grandchildren. This was your people. You are to pray for God in the lives of your people. Nehemiah wept. You weep. The scripture was around his entire household. God still sees you as coming from that household. You are to pray for God’s restoration and it looks like the recognition of any part you had in the destruction of it along with him. To acknowledge it, which I believe you have. I know you have forgiven him, but now God wants you to pray blessings for him and them.For their lives to be back in His hands. For your people, your household, your family.
That’s the interpretation that came. I’m praying for you. I think God sees you strong enough to do this now with the kind of God-loving heart as Nehemiah.

This is a true correspondence (identities removed) between myself and a very wise friend. It has been a very difficult task, to pray blessings upon one that hurt me. Taking stock of our own wrongdoings, and repenting, is the first step. Forgiveness is the second. To pray blessings over the one that hurt you, is powerful and honestly, the most difficult journey I have ever begun. This is Agape Love and I am learning as I go.

Nehemiah 1:3-11 NLT

3 They said to me, “Things are not going well for those who returned to the province of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”

4 When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven. 5 Then I said,

“O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps his covenant of unfailing love with those who love him and obey his commands, 6 listen to my prayer! Look down and see me praying night and day for your people Israel. I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned! 7 We have sinned terribly by not obeying the commands, decrees, and regulations that you gave us through your servant Moses.

8 “Please remember what you told your servant Moses: ‘If you are unfaithful to me, I will scatter you among the nations. 9 But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then even if you are exiled to the ends of the earth, I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored.’

10 “The people you rescued by your great power and strong hand are your servants. 11 O Lord, please hear my prayer! Listen to the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring you. Please grant me success today by making the king favorable to me.[b] Put it into his heart to be kind to me.”