Tag Archives: Growth

His Purposes

14 Sep

At the beginning of our walk with Christ, we see Him begin to heal us, change us, make us new in new ways. We bask in the joy of getting it! Of knowing Grace, mercy! It is the beginning of a journey. We love Him.

Satan will do everything he can to distract you from continuing from there. Not because you aren’t saved – our salvation is a gift – we can’t earn it.

He tries to distract us so we don’t grow stronger and more able to be used for our purpose. To keep moving forward. Deep roots.

Those of us who push through battle after battle and continue to grow through failure and hardships, those of us who always turn back to Him, over and over, grow to understand Him. We understand who He is and we achieve this place of knowing who we are in Christ.

Many stop here loving the blessings of being loved and provided for. Maybe leading bible studies. Teaching believers.

And then there are some of us that go deeper with Him still and grow to understand it’s not about Satan or who is against us or for us, it is about who we are for. Our whole purpose and passion shifts.

It becomes all about Him. Not about us at all.

We get to this place where we feel urgency to bring others to Him, to shed the light of Hope in this dark world. We don’t care about the world and it’s distractions/ we enjoy them but our passion remains in Him.

Satan will do everything he can to stop you, warfare becomes very real.

But if not us, then who?

We will take up the sword, we will walk confidently in His power, not our own strength. We will seek Him in everything, and see the blessings are not houses when His house sits empty. It is not money or love, when His lost are still lost and need us to love them to help them never go hungry again.

I read the last of Daniel today.

And yes, urgency is burning in my soul. The minute I knew I was useful to God was when I stopped thinking it was about me, but rather it was His purpose for me.

I am already empowered, embraced, equipped and loved. It is about Him.

He who dwells within me. I can do all things- because of Him. For Hm. His purposes.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:31-34‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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A New Song

16 Apr

Sunshine upon my face, the raindrops have gone away
It feels so good to be free
With You I’ve found a way, to overcome all the things
That hold me down, that keep me down away from You
~Caleb Rowden

Another plane, another journey.

As I listen to my music on this flight, I reflect on the many flights I would spend with my head pressed against the window, tears streaming down my face. It was dreaded quiet time, forced time in my head, a place I spent as little time as possible in that season.

Reflecting as lyrics of praise lift me up and fill me with my now ever present peace; I realize music has always been here, season to season, from sad songs to dance. These days my genre of choice is christian music, which also reflects where my mind is at these days.

What a journey this has been. What a ride the past 6 years have been. Broken to new, lost to so sure, sorrow to joy.

My heart was broken back then. I had no love in my life. Not even for myself.
How great is the love I found in that loveless state? Crazier still is that I found the Love of all Loves when I fell in Love with Jesus.

To be sure, the journey was still mine to walk, the valleys were still there and I had to walk through them. But! He brought such amazing friendships to walk beside me. Some to challenge me, some to teach me and some to encourage me. The deeper I went in my faith, the deeper those God-inspired friendships went, teaching me about abandon, trust and faith.

Though I knew His greatness and power, though I had walked through great darkness at times only to be so incredibly blessed on the other side. Though I could literally feel the Holy Spirit beside me at time…I still forgot. I still panicked, still doubted.

What I never want to forget is that during the hardest moments, that is when I knew He was beside me; I grew so calm during the hardest moments in my walk. Music is a great reminder. A song can take me back to a place. Like now.

I find it inspiring to look back, to see what I have walked through, how God’s faithfulness never ceases and He fulfills every promise. People cannot do that. We are just not perfect enough.

I didn’t become better, or righteous, I simply surrendered it all; My hurt, my sense of failure, my lack of hope, my disappointment in people, my self-sufficiency, my self-blame and self loathing. I was empty.

It was then that I was able to let go and let God begin to change me. Not the people around me, not my circumstances, not give me everything I wanted but to change the way I saw the world, change the way I processed life and emotion, change my awareness.

I began to have moments of super natural understanding, which goes so much deeper than anything I could do myself.

My sinful nature is still with me. Certain sin fell away when love replaced the destructive lies. I believe without our sin, we would forget our need for humility and Christ. We will never be able to be sinless. Only He could do that.

Singing a new song, listening to a new genre, there are no more tears on planes. There is no fear. There is hope. I am not always happy, but I am always hopeful. Life is really hard at times, but this is temporary. A drop in the bucket of eternity and the fulfillment of the greatest promise ever!

That’s my song from here on out.

Psalm 96
1 Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.

Why Faith?

18 Sep

I don’t for one second believe in Karma or in the universe’s ability to sling back to me what I put out there. Why, oh why, would I want to go back to the idea that we get what we deserve? Worse, the lie that we ultimately have control over what happens to us.

Stand in front of a tornado and tell me you can control the path it takes. If it hits your home, did you put something out in the universe that drew that tornado to you? Watch your child die from disease. You would gladly change places, if you could, but you cannot control these things. Tell me that this beautiful child is dying because of something they did wrong. That you or they deserve it, if you believe in Karma.

We are built to worship something. There has to be something we can turn to, beyond the worldly possessions and heartaches. We can try to fill that void with relationships, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, popularity… Or is life simply about learning to let go of the illusion we have control and learn to leap into the vast and amazing life of Faith… to lean in to something bigger than ourselves?

The message I learned growing up in the Catholic Church is that constant repentance was called for, but ultimately, you would never really be good enough to achieve Heaven. Pergatory, yes, but not heaven. So if we get what we deserve, (Karma) you can get to heaven by being a good person. How good do you have to be to get in and how bad do you have to be to not get in?

Where does the line of Grace begin, where does Mercy start? If God is perfect (Good) and Satan is Evil (Bad) where is the line between the two? And who has the authority to decide that?

Divorce for me was a catalyst for intense change within myself. I had to want to die, to actually find Him. I had to go through so much loss to lose myself to Him. To give up the idea that I had the ability to steer my life and keep myself afloat. I didn’t…including my sin.

We will all go through suffering; Intense pain and suffering. We will lose loved ones and we will face illness in one way or another. People will let you down and you will screw up. We will have trials beyond our ability to control.

Did you do that to yourself? Maybe instead, it is the realization that it is all bigger than us. It is far more difficult to surrender to God than to simply say.. Karma is a bitch. Surrendering and saying “God..Walk me through this journey of pain, I trust you; Teach me, mold me,make me the instrument of Your love, Your light for this dark world. ”

Surrender: v. without object to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.
n.the act or an instance of surrendering.

The key to faith is surrender,not being perfect;not being good, not being without sin. I reached out to Jesus and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior as a young woman. I was saved! I had that kernel of knowledge. That HE was who He said He was. He brought me through all the ups and downs of life without demanding attention. But.. there comes a time when He will shake things up. His timing.

The truth is, I operated from a “good people get what they deserve, bad people get what they deserve” perspective. Sadly, we all have our flaws. So, again… who decides that line, what is good enough?

Jesus had plans for my journey. I was a woman that had things under control. I raised 6 kids. I was strong! He came in and like Job, allowed my life to turn upside down. My world spun out of control. I was scared and lost. It was more than I could bear. And there He was! Just like that. A presence that was felt so near. I could literally feel Him;Intensely.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by strong, loving, Christian women. He made me new. I didn’t repent of all my sins. He removed them from me, He is still removing them or showing them to me. I learn more and more, every day. My idols are shown to me in new ways. He teaches me. I needed Him then and I need Him now. I could not have done that.

When I surrendered, I knew that I had reached the end of hope, the end of my ability to make my life work. I was a good person, I still am. I am also a sinner. I am a person that needs Christ. I can’t be perfect. I can’t do right all day, every day. My thoughts betray me. I am so aware of my need for Christ because I cannot be good enough on my own, to earn all that Heaven holds for me. His Grace and Mercy are absolutes in my life, the cornerstone for who I am and how I walk this world. I have to trust His promises that I am saved or I have no hope. He doesn’t lie.

My journey with Christ is what I know. I know who HE has been with me, for me, near me, beside me, in me. I am not capable to make the changes in my heart that He has made. He dwells there and because I accepted that He loved me enough to die for my sins, the bridge between my sin and God has been placed. I am grateful, reverently aware of Him and my heart overflows with abundant love.

It is not about my sin, because of Grace. It is about Jesus. But God, because I absolutely can’t on my own.

John 3:16-18 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

Only the Lonely

14 Dec

Galatians 2:20(NIV)
20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

The truest of Christmas joys is mine as full understanding of what Hope lies in this season settles on my heart; The richness is beyond words, lonely too.

I am in a refining time. He is grooming me, working in me, preparing and pruning me. It is uncomfortable yet inspires great hope in me and can be a very lonely time for me as well.

There is something about this Holy connective state that separates me, not just from the world itself but I even feel set apart from other Christians. It is like being in “The Zone” with Him, suddenly the world just doesn’t fit. It requires time alone with Him, and He creates it. It is a time for deep,quiet reflection. Being in constant touch with Him, creates a distance from others and a need for silence (and I am not a silent girl!). I have a longing to share this with someone, but how can you share this?

This is beyond words. He fills my heart to overflowing yet even in that I have a longing. This relationship at times feels so impossible, at others, so rich, so lyrical, enlightened and inspiring. Growing times can be so difficult, as we become perfected in His teaching, prepared for what our journey brings us to.

What I find so curious, the more I learn, the more I need to seek. He creates an appetite to learn more, to gain more understanding and clarity, yet what is clear today becomes less clear. Obedience is easy and difficult;Wisdom elusive, yet ours for the asking. Oh what a rich life!
The road to become Holy is not easy…But Wow! What a blessing!

John 17:6-18 (NIV)

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

6 “I have revealed you[a] to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. 7 Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. 8 For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. 9 I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. 10 All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. 11 I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of[b] your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. 12 While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by[c] that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

13 “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. 14 I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by[d] the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.


Romans 13:14 (NIV)
14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.[a]

Romans 12:2(NIV)
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Proverbs 27:7
One who is full loathes honey from the comb,
but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.