Tag Archives: inspired

Crafty Fool

19 Jul

I have had warfare going on and I knew it was the crafty devil trying to rob me of my peace this week as I dropped things, got pulled over, an unwanted text, someone trying to create an issue for their own purposes. We just need to be aware and rise above and see that we only fight one enemy.

I realized I had, for the first time this year, missed reading my one year bible study, missed my quiet time for three days in a row, I realized he was distracting me.  I am fully aware that we really only have one enemy and he is weak compared to my God. We must recognize him in all that he does.

When we slowly move through each trial, learning and growing in our faith, each lesson building our character and strength, Satan begins to come at us.  He knows that our faith is strong so he needs to stop us from helping other’s become strong.

As we grow in understanding, we learn to anticipate his attacks.   As we grow, he becomes more crafty in his attempts to sidetrack us.  He will stop at nothing to rob us of peace, to stop us from bringing even one more believer to the throne.

I have had a few successes, a few praises lately. Today I saw that I can begin to see my own success or I can stay fully submitted and give Him the Glory.  We are a steward of all things we have. He gives and takes away for his own purposes.  I was in the paper, which was fun.  As people began to say such nice things, we start to take that on and let that make us feel good.

This morning as I read Psalm 136 it hit me.  I am not humbling myself before Him. When I take my life and think I have determined my own steps, or accomplished for my own gain, then I have stopped submitting, stopped giving Him glory and stopped being able to be used for His purposes.

The beautiful, amazing God that we serve, meets us right back where we left off.  When we resubmit, recognize and humble ourselves again, he meets us right there,as if it didn’t even happen,  “carry on”.

We are not so kind or forbearing of one another, not that forgiving. But God is. What would our world be like if we all were more like that?

Recognizing He has placed it all there, not me, humbling myself, I look up and see a double rainbow in the sky. He is pleased.  He is kind and good and loving and gracious.  I forgot to give Him all the thanks in my heart for all He has done, accomplished in me, changed in me, used in me, blessed me with.  I am a handful! But, He is fully aware and loves me so.

Proverbs 1:7 Fear(Awe) of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom.

2 Timothy 4:18 Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into his heavenly Kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.

Psalm 136

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who alone does mighty miracles.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who placed the earth among the waters.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavenly lights—
His faithful love endures forever.
the sun to rule the day,
His faithful love endures forever.
and the moon and stars to rule the night.
His faithful love endures forever.

10 Give thanks to him who killed the firstborn of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
11 He brought Israel out of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
12 He acted with a strong hand and powerful arm.
His faithful love endures forever.
13 Give thanks to him who parted the Red Sea.[a]
His faithful love endures forever.
14 He led Israel safely through,
His faithful love endures forever.
15 but he hurled Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.
16 Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness.
His faithful love endures forever.

17 Give thanks to him who struck down mighty kings.
His faithful love endures forever.
18 He killed powerful kings—
His faithful love endures forever.
19 Sihon king of the Amorites,
His faithful love endures forever.
20 and Og king of Bashan.
His faithful love endures forever.
21 God gave the land of these kings as an inheritance—
His faithful love endures forever.
22 a special possession to his servant Israel.
His faithful love endures forever.

23 He remembered us in our weakness.
His faithful love endures forever.
24 He saved us from our enemies.
His faithful love endures forever.
25 He gives food to every living thing.
His faithful love endures forever.
26 Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His faithful love endures forever.

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Finding Light in the Dark

9 Jun

As we hear about so many suicides, I think about all that I have walked in the nearly 8 years since my overwhelming experience with God; The night that changed everything.  July 9,2010.

What if?  What if I had not decided to go to Friday night church. What if I hadn’t told Pastor Jeff my plan. The plan I made earlier that week. What if Sue and Jeff hadn’t spent the evening talking with me, and praying with me? What if God had not intervened.

What I understand is the blackness. I understand the desire to not feel so much pain any longer, to not feel like a burden or invisible. To not feel so wrong and out of place. To not feel plastic in a plastic world. To not feel discardable. (is that a word?). I understand the isolation of being strong and not telling. No one knew.

What I found was an eye opening, amazing love from and for a God I finally believed was real. Everything crashed down around me and I had nothing left. I was at rock bottom. What I found there was Him. In all His sweetness and love, I found the beginning of a love for a creation He called Beckie. I found a purpose.

What I found was a peace that settle so completely on my soul that night. By morning I was walking on sunshine; From the pit of despair to pure joy. Free.

What felt like a bottomless black, a pain-filled nothingness; morphed instantly into a joy beyond measure. I found my redemption, my forgiveness, the promises of true forever. Hope.

God breathed new life into my weary soul.  I am one of the blessed ones. Blessed to be a blessing.

My sweet friend committed suicide when we were 19. I loved Julie and it broke my heart when she left us. I  still talk to her, still think of her so often. My friend Ron, just took his life 4 years ago this summer. My son, who loves Jesus deeply, through his own journey with coming to terms with his homosexuality, walked a depressed and difficult path. He didn’t come to terms with his own path until he was 31 and it has cost him much in this world. He once told me “if you knew who I was, you would hate me”.  He had his attempts, and many trials. This world is sure unkind to those that don’t fit the world’s view of “acceptable”, those who’s sin is obvious. Especially the saved only by Grace,from their own ugly sin” Christian world.

As christian’s, there is a disparity between being the judgmental harm-doer’s and walking as the truth tellers, not so much in word but in action. If our judgement is keeping someone from seeing God, then we are not walking in truth, nor with Him. I don’t want to be known by the rules I keep, I want to be known by The One that keeps me. Period!

God gave us a perfect savior; A hope despite this broken world. He makes us righteous. I really can’t even make it a day without sin. Sin is between God and I and in the end, all sin is equal. It all drives a wedge between us and Him, but at the end of the day, He loves us anyways. Submission isn’t free from sin, it is an act of surrendering your pride and self sufficiency and acknowledging that “I can’t achieve Heaven without you Lord. Embracing Christ and His death as your only hope.” Hard and easy to do all at once. But He is very helpful. Yes. He is.

Scripture states that we are saved when we proclaim and believe that we are set free by the blood of Christ. Once saved, always saved. It is a very dangerous place to dwell, inside a kind of “judge and jury” of other’s. I choose to take a more humble approach and know that even strong people, even excellent people stumble. Every day.

We have to stop with the right’s and wrong’s and get back to truth. Christians need to LIVE The Word of God in “transparent, less than perfect, need a savior  every single day of my life -because I stink at achieving perfect sin-less-ness without Him” Spending time in The Word, being transparent with God and allowing Him to change us. For His glory!

We need to look beyond the pointed fingers to see the need. To see sorrow in eyes that are haunted. To see anger in eyes that are weary, sick of how hard this world is. See into the eyes that can’t look at us, Eyes that are afraid or ashamed.  We need to be so apparent in our humble (not of our own making) loving kindness (because He has loved us so much) that people are willing to share with us. Willing to trust us.

This world is out of control in many ways, Our world is spinning so fast now. Pain and suffering all around us.

Seriously,  Be a light. Be hope for those that are grasping for a reason to hope.

Be the one that saves the one, like me. God leaves the 99 for the 1. Because the 99 already have a future with Him. He already has the 99 beheld. The one that wanders is more passionately desired and pursued by God than those of us already in His loving Grace.

When you sit in a judgement filled world, trying to protect the values you say you believe in, while you use your words as weapons, as unleashed punishment and sit on a bit of a higher plane, thinking you have this Christianity right, just know that I pray in earnest for you. For you to find the truth.

We need be truth tellers, absolutely. Mostly in our actions. Our tongue is too unpredictable.
God says: Ask, Seek and Knock!

Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks. Matthew 7:7-8 

He loves us. He loves us so much. He loves us in our broken down yuck. He loves us in our prideful state. He loves us regardless of how far off the path we have gotten. That is the God I found at the pit of despair. A loving, kind, strong, protective, never-ending presence, pursuing, giant of a God.

Blessings are not financial, they are Him. His peace. Grace and Mercy. Remember…”If it isn’t true for the believer that has to beg for food, or seek to find water for her child, then it isn’t true.” That is the God that is truth. The God that is beyond our circumstances, beyond what is here and now. He is every present, ever knowing, ever loving, always.  He doesn’t change. Not ever.

I don’t know why we reject Him. I know I sure did!  I think it’s partly because we think God makes life rosy, ( His own son suffered terribly, so no, that isn’t truth) I believe it’s because people have really messed up the image of Him. People have done horrible things in His name. But that isn’t God. That isn’t Christ. That is just additional people that need Him, need to really understand who He really is.
Being self reliant lead me down a dark path. Eventually, I had to come to the place where I knew I needed Him, being made whole has changed my world.  It is still changing me. I am still growing and learning and becoming a better Christ follower. But don’t look at me, look at Him. He is the model. I am the one running all over the place!
If you are that one, the one that is hurting and thinking that the way out is death, please seek Him first. Please see that it’s all lies. The idea that it will never get better, that you can’t get through this, that this is too hard. Please talk to me or someone like me. Try God!

“Ask, and the gift is yours. Seek, and you’ll discover. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. For every persistent one will get what he asks for. Every persistent seeker will discover what he longs for. And everyone who knocks persistently will one day find an open door Matthew 7:7-8 TPT.

[a]Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock andkeep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who keeps on asking receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 AMP.

 

Bless The Lord

28 May

Trials can make faith really hard sometimes. (Fear. ) it’s been a subject of discussion with several in my circles lately.

David was such a perfect example for us. He showed us how to truly capture our faith even in trial;to focus our praises only to God. David praised Him from fear, pain, loneliness, rejection, illness, betrayal, sorrow, and abundance. Praise is always on his lips.

Everything starts with belief. If you think about it. What we truly believe in our soul fuels our path.

If we believe – truly believe that God is on the throne and has a perfect plan for you, then what’s to fear?

We have it very hard here in America. We have too much. Like Solomon. He was the wisest and richest. He lost God in the process. Women were his downfall but we all have that idol.

My own biggest roadblock is not trusting God, I fear rejection, abandonment probably most of all, it’s then my belief system. My focus. My idol.

When I have a relationship -I put my fear of man in place of fear of God. Fear meaning my awe, my energy, my fears, my thoughts, my time, and hopes are focused there. Idol. Other God.

We all have our idols. Money, success, security, popularity, control, power, love, our kids, exercise, our bodies, women, men; none of us are immune.

It’s important to constantly be in the word, drowning out the world, refocusing in Him, and praising Him. Because even if your world is a hot mess right now- He is not.

He is still “I Am. “

Read Psalm 103 and pray it out loud. Praise Him even in your trial. No matter the hurt, no matter the hardship, no matter the illness, no matter the betrayal.

Tell Him everything in your heart- the good bad and ugly- He knows it all anyways. Then praise Him. For who He is. For who He always has been, regardless of your circumstances.

Amen.

“Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD executes righteousness And justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, To such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do them. The LORD has established His throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all. Bless the LORD, you His angels, Who excel in strength, who do His word, Heeding the voice of His word. Bless the LORD, all you His hosts, You ministers of His, who do His pleasure. Bless the LORD, all His works, In all places of His dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭103:1-22‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

The Human Condition

21 Apr

There are times that I sit in total awe of God and His power, trusting fully in Him, humbled, peaceful, knowing He is in charge.  There are also times that I wonder at His [perfect] wisdom in giving us free will, knowing that we would spend our entire relationship with Him in battle over it. Our struggle to be close to Him will be daily working to overcome our human condition and free will.

As we seek to stay in obedience, we will struggle with our thoughts, our emotions, our pride, our ego, our fears , and all of our sin nature. So much to overcome! But, He shows us how simple it really is, when we are humbled, in awe of Him.

We will walk a constant battle between trying to be mini-Gods, thinking we are part of God and the humbling truth that we are merely His creation, meant to submit and walk the path He planned for us, for His Glory and not just for our good but the good of His chosen people.

God shows us in 1 Samuel 25 the perfect example of the human condition with the story of David, Nabel and Abigail.

Nabel  in his time of excess, refused and mocked David and his army for asking for provisions. This is the world and the people we come across every day. This is the one that is rude or selfish, the one that hurts, harms, or attacks us. This is the consequences of our own choices or the consequences from other’s free will; the one that lies about us, or simply cuts us off in traffic.

David, the man after God’s heart, shows his heart also had the human condition. He reacted with “righteous”, justifiable anger with plans to kill Nabel and his family.  David was going to make things right, on his own terms.

Abigail (Nabel’s wife) upon hearing of her husband’s foolish arrogance, responds immediately with wisdom. She showed strength in her response. Her faith becomes obvious as she plans to face head on, the leader of an army that plans to kill her and her family.

She sends ahead of her the provisions and gifts David had requested of Nabel.  As she faces her enemy, she shows great courage and humility, taking the full blame for Nabel’s foolishness and begs for mercy. She acknowledges righteousness and God and that David is surely a man that also knows and loves God.

Nabel displays the selfish, cruel world we live in. David showed our weakness in his human struggles with his temper and emotional reaction. Was it justified and righteous? David thought so in that moment. The world would probably agree. Abigail shows the humility and strength that comes from trusting in God’s righteousness.

Abigail’s obedience and truth convicted David. He realized his folly; pride had caused him to stumble and take matters into his own hands. He reacted to the rejection and who would argue? He was justified by human standards, but God intervened. Abigail knew the greatness of God and faced her enemy with the courage of faith, humility and strength.  The call to retaliate was an emotional reaction that was all David’s, not God’s, plan. Abigail’s obedience and humility in turn humbled David and softened his response. He realized his own foolishness.

When we walk with God, no matter how closely, we must remain aware of our human condition to take matters into our own hands. We must remind ourselves constantly to humble ourselves, to seek God’s plan for each day.

In adversity, when we have our emotional reactions,no matter how obvious right and wrong are, we absolutely need to humble ourselves, stand before Him and seek His will. We can’t be mini-God’s, acting on our own, no matter how justifiable we or the world, thinks we are.

All too often I put on God’s shoes ,all too often I react and respond from my own limited human condition.
Learning to submit all matters to His hands before I take them into my own hands is a learning process and a building, maturing faith. Seeing all people and circumstances including the enemy through God’s eyes, diminishes our reactions and reminds us not of how small we are, but how big He is.

We are not God and we are certainly not God-less.

From Redpath “If you begin with God, your enemies grow small. If you begin with the enemy, you many never reach God. “

Father help me seek your ways long before I think or speak from my human condition, remembering in humility, that my ways are not your ways, and Your way is always good, always right. Help me to be like your humble servant Abigail with righteous response to all circumstances

Amen

33 “So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom and the righteousness that proceeds from him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly. 34 Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.” Matthew 6:33

Harbor

5 Apr

No human wisdom or understanding or plan can stand against the LORD. Proverbs 21:30

I am sitting in meditation after my morning readings. I am completely blown away that God still even wants us. These Israelites are so evil. As I walk through Judges, it consists of these cycles of breakthrough, strength and redemptive faith, restoring what was promised only to fall away to sin and worship other God’s again. It cycles over and over. God never wearies, and we never stop messing up!

As I look at my own life, the choices I have made, and will continue to make; the times I have been so devoted to seeking truth and wisdom, rather than thinking I had the answers, to the times that even within minutes my mind (my heart) betrays me.
Isaiah 6 starts out with Isaiah standing in the presence of God himself. He is overwhelmed with his own dark heart,

5 So I said: “Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The LORD of hosts.” Isaiah 6:5

God doesn’t just hear what we say outloud, he is aware of your heart and intentions even before your words are ever spoken, even if you never speak a word.

4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD. Psalm 139:4

 

Our hearts are full of corners and closets. Like Isaiah, we will stand before the King one day. What is in our hearts will be revealed to us for all that it is. Sometimes I get a glimpse, when I am feeling close to God, when I feel I am being obedient, I get that glimpse of the dark that still hides in every corner. This is why we need our precious Jesus. These things are not a surprise to God.

45 People are known in this same way. Out of the virtue stored in their hearts, good and upright people will produce good fruit. But out of the evil hidden in their hearts, evil ones will produce what is evil. For the overflow of what has been stored in your heart will be seen by your fruit and will be heard in your words. Luke 6:45 (TPT)

We can’t fool God. He knows if we are being lead by right or wrong motives; jealousy, encouragement, judgement, love or hate, lies or truth, peace or war. He sees it all.

He knows before we say a word if we intend to honor, respect, guide, or build others up and He knows when our heart wants to harm, derail, disrespect, undermine or hurt others. Even if our words are unspoken, even if we never act on these things.

“Harbor in your heart” means you keep it safe within your heart. What do you shelter in the corners? He tells us to ask Him to show us:

Psalm 19:14  (TPT)
14 So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,
and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,
acceptable before your eyes,
my only Redeemer, my Protector-God.

The promise is given to us, from Him, Ask and you shall receive: Matthew 7:7. We can ask for God to show us everything that lies in our hearts and to help us remove it. But I warn you, it is not always pleasant, but always, so very worth it, so redemptive, so healing.

Christ takes away the sins power to grow and fester inside of us.  Like with Isaiah We will never have to fight this battle alone. We just have to spend time before Him, honest with ourselves that He already knows every single thought dwelling in our hearts. Standing before Him with complete willingness to change and be transformed. Humility like that is hard! Because from that request comes truth and it can be painful as He pulls the rooted weeds from deep inside of you.

6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth with it, and said:
“Behold, this has touched your lips;
Your iniquity is taken away,
And your sin purged.”

Isaiah 6:6-7

Who Has It

2 Feb
“In Your Name
There is truth where logic fails
Understanding that makes sense of our days
You Are Worthy” – Hillsong

As I prepare to lead a group of women through an amazing book about God’s attributes and power, (None Like Him by Jen Wilkin) I am humbled by many things.

First, I don’t have it all together. Second, I am struggling with not having all the answers. Third, I am still healing, ‘am I really ready to lead’?

These are my thoughts that Satan tries to mess me up with; Satan and my flesh convince me that I should have such a mature faith that I am not easily distracted by my struggles.

What this simply means is that I need him more than ever. No matter how mature in faith I become,the more I rely on Him, I will continue to need Him more.
The truth always win, when we seek Him, simply by worshiping Him in the midst of trial. My need for Him grows alongside of my growth in Him. Only He could make that so incredible.What an amazing moment of peace for me.

When we get too caught up in our own struggles, our own pain, our own journey; We need to remember who God is. We have to stop focusing on our circumstance, and ask Him to show Himself. “Who are You and what do You want me to dwell on”.  His word is a great place to start.
If we are going to walk in faith when logic fails us, when we can’t make sense of everything here, that is the precise moment that we need to remember who HE is.
Worship Him in the mystery. “There I find you in the mystery… Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders” Hillsong
David in Psalm 42 cried out deeply from his depression, yet He  continues to worship God. Amen. There is such peace when we actually remember who He is and who we are not?Thank you Lord for never giving up on me.
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:11 NIV
…Continue reading these gems: Such blessings. 
Trust in the Lord completely,and do not rely on your own opinions.With all your heart rely on him to guide you,and he will lead you in every decision you make.Become intimate with him in whatever you do,and he will lead you wherever you go.[b]Don’t think for a moment that you know it all,[c] for wisdom comes when you adore him with undivided devotion and avoid everything that’s wrong.Then you will find the healing refreshment your body and spirit long for.
Proverbs 3:5-8 TPT
 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8
 
 
 
I long to drink of you, O God,
drinking deeply from the streams of pleasure
flowing from your presence.
My longings overwhelm me for more of you![c]
My soul thirsts, pants, and longs for the living God.
I want to come and see the face of God.
Day and night my tears keep falling
and my heart keeps crying for your help
while my enemies mock me over and over, saying,
“Where is this God of yours? Why doesn’t he help you?”
So I speak over my heartbroken soul,
“Take courage. Remember when you used to be
right out front leading the procession of praise
when the great crowd of worshipers
gathered to go into the presence of the Lord?
You shouted with joy as the sound of passionate celebration
filled the air and the joyous multitude of lovers
honored the festival of the Lord!”
So then, my soul, why would you be depressed?
Why would you sink into despair?
Just keep hoping and waiting on God, your Savior.
For no matter what, I will still sing with praise,
for living before his face is my saving grace!
Here I am depressed and downcast.
Yet I will still remember you as I ponder the place
where your glory streams down from the mighty mountaintops, lofty and majestic—the mountains of your awesome presence.[d]
My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love.
Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow
over my soul, carrying me away,
cascading over me like a thundering cataract.
Yet all day long God’s promises of love pour over me.
Through the night I sing his songs,
for my prayer to God has become my life.
I will say to God, “You are my mountain of strength;
how could you forget me?
Why must I suffer this vile oppression of my enemies—
these heartless tormentors who are out to kill me?”
Their wounding words pierce my heart
over and over while they say,
“Where is this God of yours?”
So I say to my soul,
“Don’t be discouraged. Don’t be disturbed.
For I know my God will break through for me.”
Then I’ll have plenty of reasons to praise him all over again.
Yes, living before his face is my saving grace! Psalm 42 TPT

Walk This Way

31 Dec
Isaiah 30:20-21(HCSB)
20 The Lord will give you meager bread and water during oppression, but your Teacher[a] will not hide Himself[b] any longer. Your eyes will see your Teacher,[c] 21 and whenever you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear this command behind you: “This is the way. Walk in it.”

Sometimes events in our lives leave us so completely devastated – things we had no control over, couldn’t have predicted, and cannot explain nor justify. Something that simply just happened. All we can do is try to figure out what comes, seeking answers from God to help us find a supernatural peace that “surpasses all understanding.”

Honestly, we didn’t do anything to cause what happened (though we will replay the events in our minds a million times, just to be sure). We beat ourselves up, we torture ourselves with blaming ourselves, we beat ourselves up with  the rejection of it, we try to make sense of it. It is a torture to be sure, along with the constant desire to be rescued from the pain, the trauma and the cry for mercy and healing. Cries of  ‘ Yahweh, Where are you?’ ‘Why are you leaving me alone in this God? ‘  We are lost as to what are we expected to do now. We seek forgiveness, we seek grace. We seek to be set free. We seek to be made whole.
We grieve, we get angry, we obsess, we pray, we submit. It is all a process we have to walk. We take our time, being careful not to miss a step in the process. (and shortchange our own healing). Eventually you begin to see that though you felt He left you alone, He was beside you. He needed you to walk all the way through this, to see how strong He has made you, amid the complete heartbreak and missteps.
In the end, he doesn’t make us perfect…and we learn to accept that we are loved in our incompleteness. He makes us wiser, stronger. He makes us own our faith. He tests our trust in Him. He breaks strongholds.We learn, we grow.
So, as we look back, as we heal and see our path before us again, we learn:
It is in these time that He chooses not to rescue us; these are the times He walks with us, saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”  Amen.