Tag Archives: jesus

Finding Light in the Dark

9 Jun

As we hear about so many suicides, I think about all that I have walked in the nearly 8 years since my overwhelming experience with God; The night that changed everything.  July 9,2010.

What if?  What if I had not decided to go to Friday night church. What if I hadn’t told Pastor Jeff my plan. The plan I made earlier that week. What if Sue and Jeff hadn’t spent the evening talking with me, and praying with me? What if God had not intervened.

What I understand is the blackness. I understand the desire to not feel so much pain any longer, to not feel like a burden or invisible. To not feel so wrong and out of place. To not feel plastic in a plastic world. To not feel discardable. (is that a word?). I understand the isolation of being strong and not telling. No one knew.

What I found was an eye opening, amazing love from and for a God I finally believed was real. Everything crashed down around me and I had nothing left. I was at rock bottom. What I found there was Him. In all His sweetness and love, I found the beginning of a love for a creation He called Beckie. I found a purpose.

What I found was a peace that settle so completely on my soul that night. By morning I was walking on sunshine; From the pit of despair to pure joy. Free.

What felt like a bottomless black, a pain-filled nothingness; morphed instantly into a joy beyond measure. I found my redemption, my forgiveness, the promises of true forever. Hope.

God breathed new life into my weary soul.  I am one of the blessed ones. Blessed to be a blessing.

My sweet friend committed suicide when we were 19. I loved Julie and it broke my heart when she left us. I  still talk to her, still think of her so often. My friend Ron, just took his life 4 years ago this summer. My son, who loves Jesus deeply, through his own journey with coming to terms with his homosexuality, walked a depressed and difficult path. He didn’t come to terms with his own path until he was 31 and it has cost him much in this world. He once told me “if you knew who I was, you would hate me”.  He had his attempts, and many trials. This world is sure unkind to those that don’t fit the world’s view of “acceptable”, those who’s sin is obvious. Especially the saved only by Grace,from their own ugly sin” Christian world.

As christian’s, there is a disparity between being the judgmental harm-doer’s and walking as the truth tellers, not so much in word but in action. If our judgement is keeping someone from seeing God, then we are not walking in truth, nor with Him. I don’t want to be known by the rules I keep, I want to be known by The One that keeps me. Period!

God gave us a perfect savior; A hope despite this broken world. He makes us righteous. I really can’t even make it a day without sin. Sin is between God and I and in the end, all sin is equal. It all drives a wedge between us and Him, but at the end of the day, He loves us anyways. Submission isn’t free from sin, it is an act of surrendering your pride and self sufficiency and acknowledging that “I can’t achieve Heaven without you Lord. Embracing Christ and His death as your only hope.” Hard and easy to do all at once. But He is very helpful. Yes. He is.

Scripture states that we are saved when we proclaim and believe that we are set free by the blood of Christ. Once saved, always saved. It is a very dangerous place to dwell, inside a kind of “judge and jury” of other’s. I choose to take a more humble approach and know that even strong people, even excellent people stumble. Every day.

We have to stop with the right’s and wrong’s and get back to truth. Christians need to LIVE The Word of God in “transparent, less than perfect, need a savior  every single day of my life -because I stink at achieving perfect sin-less-ness without Him” Spending time in The Word, being transparent with God and allowing Him to change us. For His glory!

We need to look beyond the pointed fingers to see the need. To see sorrow in eyes that are haunted. To see anger in eyes that are weary, sick of how hard this world is. See into the eyes that can’t look at us, Eyes that are afraid or ashamed.  We need to be so apparent in our humble (not of our own making) loving kindness (because He has loved us so much) that people are willing to share with us. Willing to trust us.

This world is out of control in many ways, Our world is spinning so fast now. Pain and suffering all around us.

Seriously,  Be a light. Be hope for those that are grasping for a reason to hope.

Be the one that saves the one, like me. God leaves the 99 for the 1. Because the 99 already have a future with Him. He already has the 99 beheld. The one that wanders is more passionately desired and pursued by God than those of us already in His loving Grace.

When you sit in a judgement filled world, trying to protect the values you say you believe in, while you use your words as weapons, as unleashed punishment and sit on a bit of a higher plane, thinking you have this Christianity right, just know that I pray in earnest for you. For you to find the truth.

We need be truth tellers, absolutely. Mostly in our actions. Our tongue is too unpredictable.
God says: Ask, Seek and Knock!

Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks. Matthew 7:7-8 

He loves us. He loves us so much. He loves us in our broken down yuck. He loves us in our prideful state. He loves us regardless of how far off the path we have gotten. That is the God I found at the pit of despair. A loving, kind, strong, protective, never-ending presence, pursuing, giant of a God.

Blessings are not financial, they are Him. His peace. Grace and Mercy. Remember…”If it isn’t true for the believer that has to beg for food, or seek to find water for her child, then it isn’t true.” That is the God that is truth. The God that is beyond our circumstances, beyond what is here and now. He is every present, ever knowing, ever loving, always.  He doesn’t change. Not ever.

I don’t know why we reject Him. I know I sure did!  I think it’s partly because we think God makes life rosy, ( His own son suffered terribly, so no, that isn’t truth) I believe it’s because people have really messed up the image of Him. People have done horrible things in His name. But that isn’t God. That isn’t Christ. That is just additional people that need Him, need to really understand who He really is.
Being self reliant lead me down a dark path. Eventually, I had to come to the place where I knew I needed Him, being made whole has changed my world.  It is still changing me. I am still growing and learning and becoming a better Christ follower. But don’t look at me, look at Him. He is the model. I am the one running all over the place!
If you are that one, the one that is hurting and thinking that the way out is death, please seek Him first. Please see that it’s all lies. The idea that it will never get better, that you can’t get through this, that this is too hard. Please talk to me or someone like me. Try God!

“Ask, and the gift is yours. Seek, and you’ll discover. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. For every persistent one will get what he asks for. Every persistent seeker will discover what he longs for. And everyone who knocks persistently will one day find an open door Matthew 7:7-8 TPT.

[a]Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock andkeep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who keeps on asking receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 AMP.

 

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Bless The Lord

28 May

Trials can make faith really hard sometimes. (Fear. ) it’s been a subject of discussion with several in my circles lately.

David was such a perfect example for us. He showed us how to truly capture our faith even in trial;to focus our praises only to God. David praised Him from fear, pain, loneliness, rejection, illness, betrayal, sorrow, and abundance. Praise is always on his lips.

Everything starts with belief. If you think about it. What we truly believe in our soul fuels our path.

If we believe – truly believe that God is on the throne and has a perfect plan for you, then what’s to fear?

We have it very hard here in America. We have too much. Like Solomon. He was the wisest and richest. He lost God in the process. Women were his downfall but we all have that idol.

My own biggest roadblock is not trusting God, I fear rejection, abandonment probably most of all, it’s then my belief system. My focus. My idol.

When I have a relationship -I put my fear of man in place of fear of God. Fear meaning my awe, my energy, my fears, my thoughts, my time, and hopes are focused there. Idol. Other God.

We all have our idols. Money, success, security, popularity, control, power, love, our kids, exercise, our bodies, women, men; none of us are immune.

It’s important to constantly be in the word, drowning out the world, refocusing in Him, and praising Him. Because even if your world is a hot mess right now- He is not.

He is still “I Am. “

Read Psalm 103 and pray it out loud. Praise Him even in your trial. No matter the hurt, no matter the hardship, no matter the illness, no matter the betrayal.

Tell Him everything in your heart- the good bad and ugly- He knows it all anyways. Then praise Him. For who He is. For who He always has been, regardless of your circumstances.

Amen.

“Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD executes righteousness And justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, To such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do them. The LORD has established His throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all. Bless the LORD, you His angels, Who excel in strength, who do His word, Heeding the voice of His word. Bless the LORD, all you His hosts, You ministers of His, who do His pleasure. Bless the LORD, all His works, In all places of His dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭103:1-22‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Good Christian”

14 May
I have been meditating on the vertical nature of sin.
More to the point, our relationship to sin and to God and what this means to our outward walk. This has been so freeing and merciful at the same time. Removing years of false ideas of what it meant to be a “Good Christian”.
I have learned the meaning of why all sin is equal in God’s eyes.  Truly, I tell you this;  Any sin, big or small, is ultimately between us and God. Sin erodes our own relationship with Him, we drift apart from Him. When we drift from Him, we stop living within His beautiful, powerful, mercy-filled loved.
How can we walk like a saved, set free from our bondage to sin (meaning we are washed white as snow, because of Christ’s death on the cross and His resurrection), be the expected “full of light” Christian without staying close to God, eyes on Him? We can’t. We just simply can’t.
When we look away we compare, we judge, the fruits of our relationship to Him, that connection grows dim. We begin to seek other God’s, or we think we are God, and that we control the outcomes; “Look, yes, we did this great thing!”  We try to settle our own scores, we put people in their place, we gossip or tell even the little white lies, we are unforgiving or mean spirited.  Do you see the truth? None  is a fruit of Him within our hearts, and it can’t dwell within the temple (our soul) because it only comes from our closeness to Him. Sadly, robbing us of His merciful gift of grace and peace. What I get hit with deep down, is the ultimate realization that what it really does is robs other’s of seeing the gift of a heart-wrenching, hope-filled, joy-filled beauty of a one on one relationship with Him, our amazing Father, Savior and healer.
It isn’t about being a “better” Christian, or a “good” Christian or a “wiser” Christian, or an evil sinner. It is about dying to self meaning staying eyes focused on Him, seeking after Him first rather than our own pride, hurt, desires, success, busyness, goals, workout, children, etc… Letting go of our own control and self appointed God status. Holier than thou!
Talk to Him. Just talk to Him constantly; About everything. You have no idea how many times I have started a conversation with God, finger pointed at someone who upset me, only to end up seeing how I can be more compassionate or I am also guilty of sin. He leads me, guides me back to humility, grace, acceptance and peace. Every single time. It’s quite powerful. It isn’t always fun, it isn’t always what I want to know, but it’s always true, it’s always good and it’s always healing.

Life hurts and people always mess up. It’s what we do, with or without Christ as our savior. Religion kept you thinking it was about the rules. It’s not! It’s about The Ruler! It isn’t about being “good” or “bad” it’s about being close to the one that gives you grace enough to heal, change, grow, forgive, love through pain and hope. Hope.

I pray to walk a walk that focuses on God, from sun-up til sun-down, to show the world the beauty of surrender. I thank my Father for the grace and mercy He gives because I never achieve that perfection. I pray for humility enough to always be transparent in my journey here, so you know, my heart truly seeks to share His love. My mind, the distractions, the hardships, the ego.. this ego! “My hurts, my offense, my truth, my peace, my wants, my success, my desires, “I deserve it.” Oh dear Lord, please don’t ever give me what I deserve! Please hear my gratitude for not giving me what I deserve, but loving me so much to give me grace I didn’t earn!

Christianity is anyone that believes that Jesus died on that cross and rose from the grave to set us free from our sin. Religion can start to add on to that, but the beginning of that is the truth. If your religion isn’t pointing you to God, to Christ, then it’s not accurate.  God’s word speaks loud and clear to me, and more so the more I spend time in it. He says this to be true. John 3:16.  Christ was born and died for you so you can have a way back to God, even through your sin nature. It’s the only way, because we just simply can’t earn it ourselves! Being saved never said we would never sin again. Seriously, the truth is, if that were true, we would just find a way to mess that up. We need Him always, daily, hourly, minute by minute!

Thank you God! for loving me, just as I am, right where I am at, sinful and goodness, blessed with my own unique gifts, all rolled up in one because of you and for you. Let me be the light that shines in this dark,crazy world. Let me see the finger before it points at others, let me stay close enough to you that I hear “stop, don’t say a word” before my tongue betrays us. Keep my enemy far from me, and give me eyes that see from a place of being so loved, so I can love.  Let me touch other’s by my walk to inspire them to want to know more about this amazing gift of your mercy and grace.  Let me always be humble enough to give you Glory Lord.  I am nothing without you.

 

SuperPower

23 Apr

As I read 2 Samuel 1, I was humbled and deeply moved by the reaction David had when he received the news that his best friend that loved him dearly died and but even more so, that his reaction included hearing the news that Saul, his enemy, had died.

I was struck with what it means to love God above all else. David mourned Saul and Jonathon equally. Jonathon loved David purely, but Saul wanted to kill him! If Saul hadn’t forced David into running and hiding, always having to be one step ahead, we wouldn’t have half of the Psalms. The Psalms that David wrote during that time show the condition of his broken heart over the betrayal and persecution.

The incomprehensible love that even in that place of sorrow, of being hated and hunted; David still refused to hate in return and referred to Saul constantly as God’s anointed one. David cherished Saul’s life because of it. He saw beyond how Saul hated him and loved him through his love of God, and because of God.

Pure and simple.

Jesus also spoke of this: Matthew 5:44 says “But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. “

When Jesus died and left us: He left us with a gift. Like all gifts from God, we are to share them!  Equally. (those that love us and those that hate us).

“But you will receive POWER when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my WITNESSES, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”” Acts of the Apostles 1:8 NLT

The power we have been given by the Holy Spirit in us: (GALATIANS 5:22 AMP)

“But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us]

  • is love [unselfish concern for others],
  • joy,
  • [inner] peace,
  • patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting],
  • kindness,
  • goodness,
  • faithfulness,”

This world we have walked in, with way too much information poured into us, leads us far away from this the truth that we have POWER given to us. We are no longer like the world but we have to be a witness to the power given; With the power we have been given.

People will betray us, hurt us, abandon us, lie about us,fire us,gossip about us;  People will hate us, be rude to us, not include us.  This is not because of us and David shows us this with his unwavering love for his enemy. Saul was anointed but acted on his own so much of the time. He didn’t acknowledge nor was he lead by God, but God loved him. David never forgot this.

Remember who you are and who you belong to and remember that God created every living being. He loves because He is love. (He hates too but that is not the power He gave us).

Remember also, who wants to take your power. Remember who God asked you to remember, His sheep. Witness in action, in words, in peace, in calmness and in love. Mercy shared because we received so much, and deserved none of it.

This is the journey of growing in understanding. As we grow we realize it becomes not about us at all, rather, all about God. All about Him. Amen.

“But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of spirit. Never set the law above these qualities, for they are meant to be limitless.”Galatians 5:22-23 TPT

 

 

 

 

 

Get A Grip

14 Apr

Emotions! Yikes, they are so big it seems.
It is true that God created us emotional so yes, emotions are good. Sharing our heart, our feelings with a spouse, a child a friend, is a beautiful sharing of emotion. It is also true that Jesus displayed emotion; Jesus wept, Jesus got angry and the old testament tells us that so does God.  He knows exactly what it feels like to be human (Hebrew 4:15) so we can know since we are emotional that God created this in us. We can also know that emotions are valuable and important.

I am going to clarify this as well. I do not consider love to be an emotion. I consider it to be an action. A verb.

My Aunt didn’t speak of emotions. If I was struggling with an emotion, she would hand me a broom and tell me “there was nothing going on in my head that a broom couldn’t fix.”  It meant, take a minute, pause, focus on something. Take a break from your emotions.  Get a grip.

Here is the problem, we seek to fix our emotion long before we seek wisdom. I think we as a society, have made an idol of our emotion.  Not having control of our emotion has led to divide and divorce of many a relationship, the resulting collateral damage of emotions being in charge and not God’s plan for our emotion; It is the Cane in us, right before he murdered his brother.
Genesis 4: 4b-7 The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering,but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

I don’t know exactly when things changed but somewhere in the 60’s or so, we gave emotion an elevated status. It became important to know how you feel, to process how you feel, to talk about how you feel and to find a solution to how you feel.

It became more about how you feel than doing what was right or logical.  As time went by and the more we focused on our emotion, the less we were willing to process the hard emotions and wanted to only have the good emotions. “Make yourself happy”.  Only God can give us the fulfillment inside that we need; Fill the whole that is there.  My observation lately is that emotions have replaced logic, manners, morals and acceptance.

As I read Proverbs, it becomes glaringly obvious that only fools give their emotion life. We absolutely must keep them under control. Or, they control us. James reminds us that we are not God and we are not Jesus.  1:19-20: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

This isn’t saying we can’t feel our feelings. God promises to be near to us when are angry, when we hurt, when we are broken hearted. He wants you to bring it to Him, He can take it. He promises to draw near to us, when we draw near to Him. There were no limits on this. Draw near to Him, come to Him, with us as we are; the hot mess.  What this does mean however, is we don’t give life to our feelings. We submit them to God. He brings us peace in the midst of our deflated ego, our anger, our sorrow and our offense.

I have studied this scripture for months and it truly is about letting God have all of it. True submission.

James 4: 7-8

  1. So humble yourselves (meaning get over yourself, stop giving so much value to how you feel and know you need Him to help you) before God.
  2. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (do not act on your emotion, but talk it out with God! Give it to God, not Satan)  
  3. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. (He will breathe peace into you, He will bring you comfort and healing that lasts!)
  4. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. (The world will totally back you when someone has wronged you, heck you can lie, cheat, have affairs and still have friends! Who cares! Be happy!)

The truth is, we want peace and comfort and Christ always refreshes us, always. He brings us peace even in the worst of our circumstances, when we submit all the pieces of our brokenness before Him.  He may not fix the problem but he breathes peace into the depths of our soul.

For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

In the end, it is Satan that is in the chaos and drama. He is the one that grabs hold of our fears, our sorrows, or anger if we don’t submit them to God. He grabs them and multiplies them, he escalates, devalues and shakes everything up. He exhausts us.

This world has no care for your eternity, your peace, your soul. We can’t trust anyone but God to never hurt us, never let us down, just as we can’t even trust ourselves to be that perfect. Only God is.

We do however, get to choose whether our emotions become tools for the Holy Spirit to use or Satan to use. Christ will use them to bless other’s and give Glory to God.  Satan will use our emotions to judge, argue, hurt, control, distract, disrupt, derail and discourage.

One is life, one is death.

When we find our hope, our confidence and our peace in Christ, we can rest assured that God fights our battles, He draws near to us, He comforts us, He protects us, He provides for us and He makes our path straight.

When we stop idolizing our emotions, thinking they need a shrine, a platform and voice, the Holy Spirit works in us and the byproduct is peace, and we become the peace makers.

Which is exactly who we are called to be; His, for His Glory!

Philippians 4:6-9 NLT
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Proverbs 17:28 ESV Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
    when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Proverbs 19:11 NLT
Sensible people control their temper;
    they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

 

Harbor

5 Apr

No human wisdom or understanding or plan can stand against the LORD. Proverbs 21:30

I am sitting in meditation after my morning readings. I am completely blown away that God still even wants us. These Israelites are so evil. As I walk through Judges, it consists of these cycles of breakthrough, strength and redemptive faith, restoring what was promised only to fall away to sin and worship other God’s again. It cycles over and over. God never wearies, and we never stop messing up!

As I look at my own life, the choices I have made, and will continue to make; the times I have been so devoted to seeking truth and wisdom, rather than thinking I had the answers, to the times that even within minutes my mind (my heart) betrays me.
Isaiah 6 starts out with Isaiah standing in the presence of God himself. He is overwhelmed with his own dark heart,

5 So I said: “Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The LORD of hosts.” Isaiah 6:5

God doesn’t just hear what we say outloud, he is aware of your heart and intentions even before your words are ever spoken, even if you never speak a word.

4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD. Psalm 139:4

 

Our hearts are full of corners and closets. Like Isaiah, we will stand before the King one day. What is in our hearts will be revealed to us for all that it is. Sometimes I get a glimpse, when I am feeling close to God, when I feel I am being obedient, I get that glimpse of the dark that still hides in every corner. This is why we need our precious Jesus. These things are not a surprise to God.

45 People are known in this same way. Out of the virtue stored in their hearts, good and upright people will produce good fruit. But out of the evil hidden in their hearts, evil ones will produce what is evil. For the overflow of what has been stored in your heart will be seen by your fruit and will be heard in your words. Luke 6:45 (TPT)

We can’t fool God. He knows if we are being lead by right or wrong motives; jealousy, encouragement, judgement, love or hate, lies or truth, peace or war. He sees it all.

He knows before we say a word if we intend to honor, respect, guide, or build others up and He knows when our heart wants to harm, derail, disrespect, undermine or hurt others. Even if our words are unspoken, even if we never act on these things.

“Harbor in your heart” means you keep it safe within your heart. What do you shelter in the corners? He tells us to ask Him to show us:

Psalm 19:14  (TPT)
14 So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,
and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,
acceptable before your eyes,
my only Redeemer, my Protector-God.

The promise is given to us, from Him, Ask and you shall receive: Matthew 7:7. We can ask for God to show us everything that lies in our hearts and to help us remove it. But I warn you, it is not always pleasant, but always, so very worth it, so redemptive, so healing.

Christ takes away the sins power to grow and fester inside of us.  Like with Isaiah We will never have to fight this battle alone. We just have to spend time before Him, honest with ourselves that He already knows every single thought dwelling in our hearts. Standing before Him with complete willingness to change and be transformed. Humility like that is hard! Because from that request comes truth and it can be painful as He pulls the rooted weeds from deep inside of you.

6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth with it, and said:
“Behold, this has touched your lips;
Your iniquity is taken away,
And your sin purged.”

Isaiah 6:6-7

Right Turn

17 Mar

“God is leading you away from danger, Job,to a place free from distress.He is setting your table with the best food.But you are obsessed with whether the godless will be judged. Don’t worry, judgment and justice will be upheld.”
Job 36:16-17

Bam!I relate so much to this.

I have prayed many a prayer this past year for God to right the wrong, for justice to be served. I have cried out to God in judgement several times and every single time, God instead turns it back on me.

As I crossed the bridge one day, I was hurting and said to God,”there will be a reckoning, he will have to answer to this!” The response was instant and not what I thought I would hear. “Do you want to have to answer to all of your sins? Is this what redemption looks like? Cry out for his redemption instead and I will hear your prayer”.

God never lets me wallow in my sinful thinking, even when I want to wallow, but truth is truth and it can’t only apply to part and not to all. God is who God is, all the time, for all of us. He draws near to us when our hearts are broken, when we suffer. He does not, however, encourage wrong thinking.

In Job 36-Elihu is trying to breath the nature of God back into Job.
This is what James meant in 1:2-4 when he tells us to consider it joy when we go through trials. Paul also talks about this in Romans 5:3-5.

God isn’t saying we should be happy when we suffer, but we should rejoice when we suffer in that God is still God and He is still in control.Trust in Him that His way is perfect. He still has the power and always has the best plan for our lives. We may not recognize it right away, or we may not get to walk it out until heaven, but he will and does bless our obedience. Nothing done to us, is about us, how we respond to it, is.

I feel God is pressing this on us. I believe the time is now, for all of us to examine our lives for the un-forgiveness that is there.

When we hold on to resentment, we hurt ourselves. We deprive ourselves of our blessings in our wish for justice. When we hold on to any un-forgiveness, it is a twofold loss. When we focus on what someone did, no matter what that is and when we want to see it made right, or even for them pay for that, we miss out on all that God wants to bless us with. Not only do we miss out on the fullness of what God is trying to bless us with, it also gives Satan an advisory role in our spirit.

Satan will use that place of un-forgiveness to torture us, to manipulate us and to steer us in the wrong direction. It is a powerful, powerful weapon we hand to darkness to use against us, to harm us further. Un-forgiveness is a separation from God. Plain and simple. It is an act of rejection of God, of all the cross was. It is embittered, defiant and self-defeating. We put shackles on our heart, our soul, and our mind when we harbor resentment. Resentment builds and tears down all at once.

I have found in my soul, as I heal and grow in wisdom, that sometimes the spirit of un-forgiveness roots back to the beginning of our lives, where we formed our means of self-protection, our perceptions of how the world works, how people work and our place in it. We learned where our power lies.

Without God, we thought it was in ourselves. Some people have walked with the Lord their whole lives, but this seed can still be firm within them. Our own created demi-god of power in our journey. An Idol.

When we are shown these acts of idolatry and self-importance, and we are able to surrender them back to where they belong, that’s when we are set free, and we are healed.

Surrender is exactly where peace and joy come from. Wisdom, peace, joy and wholeness come from letting go of other’s; what they choose, how they sin, and most importantly, surrendering ourselves entirely to the perfect creator, that is actually in control anyways.

Praying for the one that harmed us is such an act of surrender. Yet, He instructs us clearly to trust Him in all things, and to pray for those that persecute us. To love our enemies. When we can love those that harmed us, not from our own love (or hate) but, from God’s love, then we know we are free indeed; Then we can know true joy, and the blessings with flow with great abundance.

This is my prayer for my brother’s and sister’s; that we pray to always have pure hearts, free from the seeds of fear, resentment, or requirements; I pray we know who we are, that we are loved, accepted and called for great purpose. To let go of all that does not serve our Father, our Savior, our calling. Amen!

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17
But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23 (Amp)