Tag Archives: relationship

Complaining Not Allowed

5 Aug

 

Philippians 2:14(GW)

“Do everything without complaining or arguing”.

Well…this scripture literally made me stop in my tracks.

Everything.

Regardless of how difficult, painful, annoying or unfair something is, we are asked to do so without complaint.

What does your conversation sound like over the past week?

My week was full of complaint. I don’t think I even realized how much until I saw this scripture.In truth,  it was mostly a really great week. I had so many wonderful things to be grateful for. He is truly blessing me in many ways.

It was also a very difficult, painful week. So, I spent far more time talking to friends about this part of my week, highlighting how weary I become in the trial. I sought empathy, support and encouragement for my hardship (complaint).

As we go through life, our fellowship is really important. Talking to our close friends is essential to our walk. We need to share our journey! However, before we vent, before we cry out to our circle, we need to go to God first.

Philippians 4:6 (NLT)  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

He wants our first of everything. He wants our gratitude, our woes, our heartache, weakness and our complaints, and… He wants it first.

He is always the willing listener. Sharing our entire journey with Him is relational. He draws nearer to us as we draw nearer to Him. There is loving circle of protection that happens in that communion.

There is nothing Satan would like more than to have you complain, to not see the good, to not be in relationship with God. He would rather you gossip or complain to your friends about all that isn’t working in your life, rather than being grateful for all He gives.

Learn to go to Him first. Share authentically what you feel with Him before you say any more words. He loves us so much. He cares about our heartache and trials.

We don’t want to become like the Israelites in the wilderness, prolonging our struggle.

1 Peter 5:7 (GW) Turn all your anxiety over to God because he cares for you.

James 4:7-8 (ESV) Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.

 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

6 Oct

A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

Every season must come to an end. After a very long decision making process, I have decided to leave Social Media.

Facebook has been a great source of support and comfort for me. Facebook has kept me connected through times that were truly some of the most difficult. It has been a great source of entertainment, laughter, glimpses into the circle of life that we all share. I have loved it!

As my journey in faith has brought me to many new places, many new challenges, it has also brought to me new people. All were important for new growth.

I have learned so much and been brought along side such incredible people. Each place, each new person met me exactly where I was at in my journey and walked side by side with me as I navigated new waters. Yet, even as I journeyed, moving to new places, I was able, through Social Media, to still be visible and to stay in touch with my roots: My family, my friends, my anchors in faith, and my shepherds.

Now is a new time, a new place; a new step in my journey to become Holy. God has slowly been paring down my distractions. Even falling in love has been a huge lesson in distraction. He is slowly bringing me to a new level of relationship with Him. Oh my gosh, when I think of my crooked pathway to this place! He is showing me now, that I am to stand alone, with Him. To know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

He has removed the burden of not having enough provision. He has blessed me with a wonderful job, with great purpose. He has allowed testing to take place and honestly, I am not doing so great on the outcomes initially, but I turn back to Him quicker and quicker. I have found the weaknesses in my faith.That said, praise a God so wonderful that He constantly walks side by side with me as I ride the waves of pure trust and self reliance.

Knowing your weakness gives God power over your sin, rather than Satan. True humility, transparency and confession is so essential to remaining in close relationship with Him. We don’t change us, He does.

He has walked me through the desert, left me alone to find my way back to Him, and He has blessed me. I have been so alone, but not until I was strong enough to actually be alone. He brought me reminders by my dwelling places. He knew I would look to the skies and see His hand. He has blessed me with incredible reflective places of peace. Places to sit with Him and just be still with Him. Reminders in the hard times, that He is still with me.

He wants to quiet my mind, still my mind and heart. I can’t do that with the constant barrage of information. Distraction is not of God.

We are not called to judge as He is the only judge. However, we are instructed to weigh, evaluate and discern what is righteous, what is good, what is true.

I have weighed, evaluated and discerned that Social Media is no longer healthy in my walk. God needs me to still my input, so He can begin to build on His plan for export in my life.

I do not have visions, I am not a prophet, nor a teacher. I am a learner. I am a seeker of truth and justice. I am flawed and most of all, I am saved.

I question myself at times. Do I really know what the Holy Spirit wants me to know? I guess, in all honesty, questioning our own true validity is God inspired. We should test our hearts and our thoughts against truth at all times. Truth is in THE Word of God, not within our opinions.

The Word of God speaks to each of us differently at different times in our lives. God meets us where we are at and provides to either the mustard seed or the greatest of knowledge.

Our hearts are what God cares most about, not our knowledge, but seeking wisdom from God is essential. If we are so busy sharing or caring about what others are saying, how can we hear God? I am not that talented. So, with that, I will be slowly removing social media from my world. Spending more of my free time, in my favorite place to be, prayer and study.

I am looking forward to this new step in my journey with apprehension, with excitement. God bless you.

Let It Go

18 Dec

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Our relationship with the Triune can be so influenced by our relationship with one another here. As a child we are born to trust but over time, our people, whom are imperfect, chip away at our innocence.

There is a theory, that if you can find what area’s of faith you struggle with, there is a direct influence of relational issues and strengths you carry, a belief system, based on what relationship you struggled with or relied on most in your life; what message you received.

This is it, broken down. This is rough and not perfect but hope will convey the point.

God is the Father: The Head, the corrector, the protector. What our relationship to our own father is, can determine what our relationship to God is. Are we intimidated, unsure of His approval? Is he a loving father, a distant, seemingly uncaring father? Is he weak?

The Holy Spirit: Comforting, convicting, full of wisdom, the promptings or thoughts in our head come from the Holy Spirit in us. Our relationship with our mother can influence our relationship with the Holy Spirit. What message did your mother give you. Do you have guilt or shame? Did you feel safe and loved? This area is great because of the wisdom factor.

Jesus is the Son, the giver, the heart. The unconditional love and acceptance. No matter what you have done, He loves you anyways.To believe He died for you, to truly have a relationship of faith and trust with Jesus, to see Him as your salvation, is influenced by your relationship with your friendships and can also be influenced by your role in your family with your siblings.

Finding the area’s within you that may need healing, to forgive or to lay at the foot of the cross because it is so huge, but that which may be keeping you from fully embracing a trusting, child-like relationship with the Triune. We are to become like children. That means letting go of all the messages we received over a lifetime and going back to square one. It means forgiveness, and a leap of faith. The world will tell you all sorts of stuff, but the fact is, most doesn’t line up to The Word of God.

The Word will not tell you to judge, not even your enemies. It will tell you to love your enemies. To love those that do wrong. To see those in need and distress. To especially love your fellow Christ followers because we cannot know what it truly means to have Grace and Mercy without that love; to be loved so much we know we are saved and washed clean of our sins, for no other reason than putting all our hearts and trust into one sacrificial lamb, one amazing Father, and to allow the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to reside within our hearts.

Find your idols, you will find your insecurity. Find your insecurities, you find your belief system. Humble yourself and let The Father, Son and Holy Ghost, heal your belief system, become child like and watch your faith grow.

We seek and seek, we try to run from or find the source of our pain, rather than finding the source of our hope. Our faithlessness or inability to trust is worldly. Seek and grasp your worth in the Holy Promise.

God chose every single one of us;Designed us and loves us beyond measure. Some of us will lay our hearts at the foot of that promise, letting it build great hope in us. Other’s will walk with a desire for more but a lack of ability to believe we don’t design our own destiny. We do, with free will, but heaven can only be achieved by letting go of self and leaping out away from the legalism of religion, pride, and trying to bend and twist a most difficult yet simple truth.

We can never be good enough nor bad enough to achieve or not achieve salvation. We can only be child like enough in our trust in Him, that He meant what he said. There is nothing weak about letting go of the idea that your life depends on you, do you really honestly believe you have complete control? Truth is: Your life depends on your relationship to the Triune.

Construction Help Wanted

28 Jun

“If you think someone or something other than yourself is responsible for your happiness or success, I’d guess you’re not that happy or successful.”
― Rob Liano

We cannot surrender ourselves to Him, if we don’t first surrender our own controlling need to blame others. Joy is a gift, happiness is a choice. Beckie Halaska. =)

Construction Crew or Wrecking Crew~

When my children were little, it amazed me how their behavior was always at its worst on the days I could tolerate it the least. Now I see how this is so logical.

It took me a very long time to realize I was “creating” the circumstances in my own life. It was a slow process for me. I kept waiting for everyone else to change. I wasn’t looking within myself to identify the problems.

Change is a process, it takes time. Having a different attitude is the first and most important step to allow that change to take place. Having knowledge has nothing to do with having the ability to apply it to yourself. It takes effort and a conscious decision.

Looking within, I found that my fears were the roadblock, keeping me from letting go of the past. The past was still what I based the future on, clouding my ability to see the changes that were possible. I was afraid. Afraid of failure, or maybe even success.

Seeing that I have a choice…if I choose not to react to my fears, instead, simply just acknowledge my fear and choose to trust… Thats all that is really needed…Nothing more than that.

I gave fear a lot of power and didn’t realize trust, love and forgiveness were a choice. I knew I loved, the feeling love. But I didn’t choose the attitude to love. The verb.

I had a light bulb moment. It wasn’t huge, just a hmmm..sort of moment. From that moment on, I have been calm. Conscious christian, bible based dialogue focuses on the positives, reaffirms the good. It sheds love and allows for a positive attitude. If you focus on the negatives, it could be awfully impossible to have hope, good times, closeness. I am learning that attitude on my part is simply just a choice. Actually what I am doing by reacting is saying I believe I know what will happen next, what this means about how you see me, what my worth is, what the outcome is going to be. Assuming I will be hurt, when in reality I will in fact be unhappy, we will be stuck, but only because I convinced myself of it. Knowing this is actually calming. It has been the single most important thing I have ever done for my relationships.

What kind of life, relationship’s I have is entirely up to me! It’s attitude. If you really see that, embrace that, it becomes so simple. If you look for negatives, you will find them, if you look for positives, you will find them. People will never disappoint you either way. We are the greatest critics of other’s, yet we want no criticism. Oh yeah, that’s fair!!!.

What we are really afraid of is that we are not worthy. I feel a peace inside that I never have felt before. The rest is purely circumstantial. I still get ticked off and I get hurt and I get frustrated. But, they are not monumental. They are circumstantial. They are not hopeless. There is some good to be found inspite of those things. If I look for it. I am learning to not fear, to not assume, to trust, to see the positives, to look within myself to see why I am reacting. By changing my attitude in just this one area, I change the dynamics completely. I see happiness and I feel content. I feel strong and in charge of myself.
It isn’t what I am getting, it’s what I am telling myself I am getting.
It’s not coming at me, it’s coming from within me.

I am now on the construction crew in my life. I make the choice to love, trust and forgive.

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, defines harmony by these attributes.
1. Be impeccable with your words. To speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or others, directly or indirectly thru gossip. Use the power of your word to speak with truth and love.

2. Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What they say and do is simply a projection of their own reality, their own life experiences. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you no longer are the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, hard feelings and drama. With this one simple agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, be your best self, and you will avoid self-judgement, self abuse, and regret.

Charles Swindoll advises us that our attitude is key to our success.
He states: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitudes we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is our attitude..I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Stephen R. Covey tells us in ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” that love is a decision. That love is a verb (an action word). Love – the feeling- is a fruit of love, a verb.
For healthy people, love is a verb (something they do). Taking this one step further… so are trust and forgiveness. People who react rather than respond to what’s going on around them see love as a feeling. They and their behavior are driven by their feelings. Proactive, responsible people place their values above their feelings. Making the “decision” to love, trust and forgive.

In your relationships, do you tend to be on the construction gang or on the wrecking crew?
The following are the attributes of the “construction crew”
*Prayer *Affirmation *Positive Attitude *Present and Future focused
*Communication (dialogue, listening and discuss) *Cooperative attitude *Forgiveness *Affection *Positive self-talk *Change *Reliability *Romance

The following are the attributes of the “wrecking crew”
*Criticism *Withdrawal *Negative attitude *Continuing Negative Behaviors *No Communication *No reliance on god *Holding a grudge *Name calling *Negative self talk *Disrespect *Must win attitude *Living in the past *Untrustworthy behavior *self soothing

Psalm 103:8 (NIV) The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Galatians 5:22-24 (NIV)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.