Tag Archives: spiritual warfare

Deja Vu

13 May

If you have Facebook, you know there is a folder that reminds you of posts from years gone by.  Looking back at 3 years ago, I am watching my world unravel, to the beginning of spiritual warfare that I was not equipped for.

Prior to the spring of 2014,  my faith had matured and I had grown in so many ways.  I was surrounded by strong Godly women and I was doing alright; I was content. I was between trials.

Suddenly,  I found myself in the midst of change, a huge trial, everything was challenged. My daughter decided to move back to Minnesota and I was mourning her move.  My job was unstable and I was struggling terribly financially. I found myself suddenly lonely, for the first time in ages.  Moving into summer, things got worse and by July, I was worn out from the battle.

I honestly didn’t realize the depth of spiritual warfare I was dealing with at the time. It is only in looking back that I see the extent of the battle.

One night in particular I hit a new low.  As I cried out in sheer panic over finances, over my weaknesses, lack of faith, my temptations, a friend sent me a note in the middle of the night. She said I was on her heart that morning and she wanted me to read Isaiah 54. She emphasized Isaiah 54: 5. This is my response to her:

Last night, as I fell asleep. I cried out. I was deeply afflicted with sorrow and guilt and shame over how I am so double minded and feel so abandoned by God. I am surrounded with temptation and I don’t feel strong. I felt so distant from Him. So alone and abandoned, rejected, unwanted, I felt I had failed God in every way. I am weary of being alone and money and I felt like He was mad at me. That I must be such a disappointment to him. As I read Isaiah 54 my heart knew.. He wanted me to know He is there. “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5 “For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. 6 “For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,” Says your God. 7 “[c]For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you. 8 “In an [d]outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,” Says the Lord your Redeemer.

Then, I went the exact opposite direction and began dating my husband.

During that trial,  I didn’t share the depth of my fears and sorrows with my friends. I didn’t tell them all that I was going through. I skimmed the surface and hid the depths of my fear,my shaky faith and loneliness.

Today, I find myself in a similar place. Almost a ‘Groundhogs day’ experience!

I am navigating the grief and pain the end of my marriage brings, and now my daughter is once again preparing to move away from me. This is an excellent move for her and my grandson, but my heart is torn in two.  I am shredded.

But God. But God. He is more than enough.  His love letter to me in Isaiah 54 still stands true.  I know His words are true.  Now I need to walk in it, to trust it completely.

How does one do that? It is a persistent faith;Believing what you don’t see or feel.

You start by sharing the burdens in your heart. You share your faith questions, you humble yourself and admit you are weak in trust, you accept that you are weak and need Him terribly. You let people know your journey. You let them pray over you. You ask the Holy Spirit to pray on your behalf. Then, you seek Him. You seek Him constantly. You pour your heart out to Him at all times. You yell, you cry, you beg, you bargain, you read His word back to Him.

And….you still your words. You quiet your mind and breathe. He is in the quiet. He is in the everything. He is in your tears. The quiet is when He speaks to you.  I can’t tell you the comfort of that time. When You just sit with Him, no words, just stillness.

The rest of Isaiah 54 has such promise. He makes promises to us all the time. He also gave us the free will to choose.

I am putting all my trust in Him whom has never let me down. Even when I falter, even when I run the other direction, He never stops pursuing me, never stops loving me. His covenant is forever.

Amen!

“To me this is like the days of Noah,
    when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
    never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken

    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

11 “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
    I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,[a]
    your foundations with lapis lazuli.
12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
    your gates of sparkling jewels,
    and all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children will be taught by the Lord,
    and great will be their peace.
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
    you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
    it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
    whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
    who fans the coals into flame
    and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17     no weapon forged against you will prevail,
    and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
    and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the Lord.

 

 

Removing the Thorn of Security

19 Jan

“The burden borne by mankind is a heavy and a crushing thing. The word Jesus used means a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion. Rest is simply the release of that burden. It is not something we do, it is what comes to us when we cease to do.” A.W.Tozer

Every now and then there is a sermon that hits you between the eyes. Something is said that opens a whole new understanding. The sermon last night really hit me in a new way. I found a thorn, an idol. Now that may not be what Pastor was speaking of, but I found it none-the-less.

My idol of security has been there my whole life, but interestingly, it has probably become most important to me during my closest walk with Christ! Wow!

After being let go of 2 jobs in 2 years, then being unable to find work, having to take a job that was completely foreign to me for half the pay, I hung on tightly to that job. Out of fear. Yes, I opened that door wide open for warfare, He let it happen and boy was there! I prayed the Armor of God over me everyday, several times during the day, everyday. I find myself in a similar situation, though I manage to escape much of it. I thought it was because I have been praying the Armor of God over this place and myself every day.

Pastor Dustin stated: “The Armor of God is something we put on and leave on”. That struck me hard! Light bulb! Idol! This is Satan’s sidewalk to my front door, which I left wide open for him to enter.

I still find my security in work, in myself. If I work harder, continue to be the light, it will all be good. God will win, satan will lose. If that was the thorn, it would be fine, but it is not the thorn. My idol of security is alive and well, though I thought I had relinquished that control. Christ is the Peace in our warfare, and conflict is the open door to make room for Him and His Light, (not ours) instead of darkness. It all really just depends on whom we are inviting in.

When we are ready to relinquish our lives to Jesus, give all our plans, worries, fears, hope, security and burden’s to Him, we find His Perfect Rest and Peace. Seeking him in EVERY circumstance, worshiping Him, even in our darkest moments.

Finding our idols and relinquishing them, allows us to claim the seat next to Jesus that is already there with our name on it. We just don’t believe that.

Ephesians 2:6(NIV) And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

Find your warfare, and you will find your idol. Lay your idol down and find His Peace.

Thank you Lord, for teaching me how to be loved by You completely. Amen

Psalm 27:8 (NKJV)When You said, “Seek My face,” My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”

Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7(MSG) Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Colossians 2:14 (NIV) having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.

Ephesians 3:20(NIV) Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

Romans 16:20(NIV) The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.

Exodus 15:3(NIV)The Lord is a warrior;
the Lord is his name.