Tag Archives: submission

Double Minded

20 May

I posted something on Facebook that touched me. This quote felt relevant to my studies, but also to where I am at in my trials.

Humility is perfect quietness of heart, It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble.

– Andrew Murray

Someone responded from her heart the following statement. “I hope you can do this, but it’s just not me. I am a worrier. I’m trying to change that to a warrior!”

I wanted to respond with something powerful. Something God breathed. But I didn’t have any words.

The truth is, I long to be that;The truth is, I am not, not all the time. I have however, had enough of the taste for that peace that goes far beyond what my circumstances are, to long for it constantly.

James 1 speaks right to the truth for our Trials and our difficulties. He says to us (James 1:6-8) “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

The truth is: I do worry,  I do obsess, I do have war inside. I get lost in my mind. I cry out constantly to redirect my thoughts. The truth is, I am completely exhausted from the battle. Job cried out to God and I relate. “Surely, God, you have worn me out; you have devastated my entire household.” Job 16:7

If we could just unleash, in all circumstance, at all times, complete trust in the power that we have been given by the Holy Spirit; if we could simply stop being so double-minded and just dwell in that favor of strength, peace and hope at all times! Wow! Imagine all we could influence in this world of hopelessness and sorrow.

When God feels so far away and my mind betrays me with all that feels so wrong, I have allowed my worship and hope to be weak and given satan a front row seat in my boat.  I have forgotten every single promise and every single truth of who He is, who I am in Him. The fruits of faith that I have experienced and know so well.

When I am tossed about by fears, I have allowed satan access to my peace, my hope, my joy, my future.  He fills my mind with comparison, with feeling rejected and abandoned, I beat myself up over all that I should have done or could have done.  I become obsessed with the lies and betrayals. These are the exact opposite of the words of God. The world shreds us, Jesus refreshes our soul!

When we surrender all this junk that has us so torn up inside, He takes it. He just removes it.  We can’t stand not seeing into the future, we can’t trust an unknown future to our all knowing God. We think we need to fix it all because we don’t trust Him with our hearts, with our lives.  Humbly submitting this all to God is so brave and so difficult. It is so hard to relinquish our lives to Him.

Identifying this key decision I make to whom I am surrendering to, allows me the choice to make a different decision. I am not a victim tossed around like the waves. I am beheld by the one that makes the waves and calms the storms. Big difference.

I have known great peace in terrible trials, and I have seen God move mountains in my life. I have sat in wonder and awe at the great things He has done, the miracles I have witnessed, and the moments where I am struck by His obvious presence. Where I can say, “Oh, my soul, that was God!”.

I love God with all my heart, my mind and my soul. I am so grateful for the Grace and Mercy, bought by the blood of Christ for me! I am also keenly aware that my journey is not about earning anything. He knows my heart. This isn’t about failing in any way. He wants me to be stronger, more trusting, for so many reasons.

My Father wants to protect me, to provide for me, to give me peace in my circumstance, to keep my heart from breaking so much, to keep my spirit healthy, to keep me strong. He is there waiting to lavish all this and more on me, but mostly, He longs to have me near to Him, to worship Him, to humble myself to Him so I fully embrace and share the gifts that He has given me.  He longs to bless me because His blessings never just touch me. They flow through me and bless so many other’s. It is His way. Grace pours out so fully at times, it spills over on people that don’t even know Him at all.

So no. I don’t always have peace. I am not always humble. I do battle my ego and my fears.

But…. At the end of the day, I will always find my way back to Him that never leaves me, never forsakes me, never hurts me or lets me down. I will always long to be in the safety of His gentle arms, near to Him. I will always seek to worship Him fully, to know that He is near, to know it is Him that whispers in my ear, ‘You can do this. You can endure all things because I live inside your heart and I have made you victorious, strong, and courageous. And my beloved daughter, I love you dearly.  ‘

Submission 

29 Nov

Dying to self. What does that really mean? Death of dreams? Death of drive? Death of passion? 

Maybe. 

God has really put this on my heart lately. It’s been a process of prayer, scripture, sermon, argument and discussions for about the past 2 months or more. 

Here is the truth. God wants your undivided attention and worship. This is why we refer to Him as jealous. 

Why? 

With undivided attention, you stay connected and by being connected you hear Him, He moves in you, He becomes louder and stronger than your own voice and even more so, -satans voice. 

If you are filling your ears with the TV and radio, if your eyes are flipping through your phone or computer, who’s voice is it that you truly hear? How can it be His if you aren’t quieting your mind, dying to self and all the noise of today? Idols of political ego, self righteous opinions, outrage over what you see and hear. All anger in us is ego driven. Only God has righteous anger. We have reaction or  emotion that is attached to ego. 

As I drove past the prison for the sexual predators/offenders, the worst of the worst that will never see the light of day again, I made the comment that we should bomb it. My skin crawled. David convicted me be pointing out that it is not holy to speak that, I should pray instead. Truth! Judgement isn’t mine to make- prayer is my only true response that is righteous. 

 Even when we are doing what we think is right and feel we are aligned with what God would “approve” of- if we aren’t quietly prayerful, silent enough to hear him, dying to our own reactions to atrocity and evil around us, we absolutely can not know God unless we submit to Him. Only the fool gives his opinion- only the fool agitates and divides. If you want to know what God thinks, you must be willing to not process through your own opinions. 

Is this possible? Ha! It is quite the tall order!

In the rare times I have been still enough, quiet enough, long enough to hear Him, there is a peace, a knowing that is so different, so humble and calming in its truth.  It is a quiet submission that leaves you stronger without words or action. 

Dying to self is Daniel in the lion pit, dying to self is the other 3 thrown into the furnace, they all knew beforehand, the outcome. It is that quiet strength we gain from knowing Him and truly fearing Him. Trusting in His perfect plan and loving  grace and mercy.  This is not obedience, this is what fear of the Lord means. Faith. 

God goes before us. Not the other way around. 

Dreams, gifts, blessings, misfortunes and loss. Nothing is permanent. Only God. There is great purpose for our gifts and our losses. But only because of Him. By Him, for Him. 

Obedience doesn’t save us.

Grace and merciful Love saved us and we have to believe in that and trust in that. It is only from that truth that we can die to ourselves and let Him guide us. 

Imagine the waters you could walk on with Daniels faith or faith like Paul or Peter or John. 

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James‬ ‭1:20NIV‬‬

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-8‬ ‭NIV

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