Tag Archives: transformation

Changed

10 Apr

I saw an ad tonight for a beautiful kitchen. You know the one, state-of-the-art appliances, beautiful cabinets, gorgeous floor. I was shocked that I found no interest. I appreciated the beauty of it, but I didn’t desire it.

There was a time I would have poured over all the trend magazines, worked on new designs for the next dream home. Furniture, paint, colors, toys, clothing, designer bags… (Ok.. still love handbags, I am a work in progress). I realized, in that moment, how different I really am.

Transformation is not something we are ever aware of. How could we be? We are too self focused.

We zone in on our circumstances, our dreams, our people… our feelings. It is when we look back that we see how far we have come. Everything is changing so fast;I am changing so quickly. It’s weird to see this from an almost outside perspective. I have these challenges, these life altering times and hardships that are so swift in the processing. From shock, to fear to anger, to sadness, to seeing God’s hand, to seeing his plan, to hope, to joy, in a matter of days. I can’t explain this any more than this. I lost all I thought mattered and gained everything I didn’t know existed.

Who would have thought I would be this alive in Christ, this deep into my faith? I am the fun girl, the party girl. I am the woman with the controlling nature, the right and wrong, black and white side. Walking this path for Christ, by joining His Army..(did I know I was joining the Army?) we will suffer greatly as we struggle to let go of our version and plan for our life, and learn to embrace His version and plan for our life.

My passion has shifted so tremendously, what I value has changed completely. What gets me excited and what makes me afraid… completely different.
As I lose more and more of my attachment to the things of this world, my love deepens for the people of this world. Not so much their person, not who they are or what they do, but the soul of the person.

I love and miss what is familiar to me, my children, my family, my friends, and I am caught in this place that can feel so alone. My faith is so isolating at times, but that is my greatest Hope of all. He is leading me and I am following. Even as the pain of it settles in at times, He never leaves me alone in it. He has brought righteous, loving guidance. Gentle wisdom and loving friendship to lift me, to keep my eyes on Him with joyful faith.

There are no rules except to love the Lord. Love Him, seek Him and trust Him. The sinner will still sin. That’s okay. We grow and He will guide us where He wants us. Each path is so different, each lesson unique. No one path is greater than another, no need to compare.

I have learned that Faith, Trust, Hope, Forgiveness, Love, all the beautiful gifts of the Spirit, come in layers. Each layer of trial that is peeled back, is a new layer of healing. The best I can explain it would be a shower routine: We get mired down in the muck, we get dirty, we get weighed down. When you have had enough and are ready to be cleansed, you peel off this new layer of your struggles, (unforgiveness, injustice, heartbreak, fear, disappointment). You put that into the hamper to be washed clean by housekeeping. You step into the shower, letting the warm water comfort you, you slowly come to life. You slowly come clean and you feel refreshed. You step out and put on new clothes that have been chosen for you, bought for you. They are a gift. Sometimes it is simple clothing, sometimes it is rich garments with beautiful jewels. These are special items, they never need to be cleaned, you get to keep them and treasure them for ever and no one can ever steal them or take them from you.

That is the Love, Grace and Mercy of Christ. You are healed, made new, strengthened, surrounded, saved, by Him. You don’t even realize how far that Love will reach in until you begin that walk to find it. Suddenly, Grace walks in and everything is different. This makes me cry such tears of joy and gratitude. Jesus, the only name you need to know on a first name basis.

Luke 18
27 Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

28 Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!”

29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30 will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

Advertisements

Corningware

9 Sep

1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Living a stubborn life, a prideful life, a frustrated life, leads to chaos and hurting. We try so hard to hang on tightly to our world, to our wants, to our ego. We stubbornly don’t trust the journey to God’s hands. We wonder why we find no peace. There is no peace in the power struggles we engage in, whether they be with others, ourselves or God. With our ego, our wants, or sin.

I learned the hard way. By loss. Now I learn quickly and without much hardship. Trust is hard won but how can I not trust HIM, that changed me from the inside out? I am at peace. There is no fear. When I have moments of fear, I am reminded quickly that He is there, He is beside me, He has a plan. Let go.

I was broken. I was a control freak. Controlling (illusionment,of course) every aspect of life. Scared to death should any of the balancing act tip. I wanted to create a perfect life. For my family, for me, for my loved ones. I can go back to childhood and know exactly when this happened in me, because the proverbial “other shoe” did drop. I learned to depend only on myself. I lived in fear of abandonment. Funny how abandonment comes to those that fear it! There is some truth in projecting our fears onto our lives.

I was scared most of my life. I think too, I never felt loved and I never felt lovable. I was frustrated. I never felt as if I deserved to be cherished. I took a backseat in life, as if my life didn’t matter as much as anyone else’s. It was a lonely place in my heart. Wanting to be wanted and loved. Being told by those I sought love from the most, that I wasn’t good enough. I chose that. So this isn’t about them. This is about me. Being told week after week I wasn’t worthy, that I wasn’t wanted, wasn’t needed, wasn’t right in any way. The list is long of the things that were wrong with me. From that perspective comes a defensive insecurity, or maybe it fed a defensive insecurity. I was a mess. I didn’t see it that way and though I was coming to a place of acceptance of others, the real journey was to take place in my heart.

Having everything happen all at once, the end of my marriage, job loss, not being able to go back to my home, my pets, losing my step children, finding out the depth of betrayals, losing friendships,everything I thought my life was about, really ended up being the catalyst for great change in my life.

I wasn’t just broken, I was shattered. Shattered into a billion pieces. Here is where Jesus came in. When I could not face the pain, when I reached the bottom of sorrow and self hatred, when the only hope I had was death, in one moment, in one wake up, I was transformed. He didn’t piece me back together, he didn’t glue the pieces together. He made me new! I wasn’t just new, I was Corningware new,unbreakable. From one day to the next, I went from shattered to brand new.

In that moment, I wasn’t sinless, I wasn’t holy. I was found.
He found me,He pursued me. He grabbed me so tight, hugged me close and promised me He would never, ever, ever forsake me. He showed me how beautiful He made me, He showed me his great promises for my life, my future. He begged me to see how much He loved me and would provide for me and bless me,if I would only just commit to Him. He asked me to take all of those broken pieces and place them in His hands and let Him lead the way. He said trust Me, with a Love I cannot put words to.

I worried what going all in for Christ would be like. I was worried it would be boring, or I would fail at it. I thought about what my friends would think, who I would become. But still, He pursued me with loving promises.

I said yes. The most amazing transforming word ever,”Yes”. That is where this journey of faith really began.

Transformation doesn’t make us perfect. We never will be. It just makes us never lose hope. Transformation is a knowing, a peace inside at all times, no matter how sad, uncertain or difficult life can be.

Transformation allows us to see ourselves in transition instead of right or wrong. We are sinners,we can’t change that, but we are loveable. He loves me so much!
The more I trust Him, the deeper that Love goes. He courts me. He tests me. He guides me. He loves me. He loves me so very much. He gives me such abundance. My joy is unshakeable, even when I am forgetful of Him at times. He is everywhere I look.

I love the Lord with all my heart and He loves me bigger than that. I am Corningware. Unbreakable in Christ.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way He loves me.
~ David Crowder

2 Peter 1:4
And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Matthew 11:28-29
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Philippians 4:19
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:37-39
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Proverbs 1:33
But all who listen to me will live in peace,
untroubled by fear of harm.”
John 14:27
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
Romans 10:9
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.